To have limited sympathy for DH making the same mistakes again and again

[missbonita]

DH seems to have got 'stuck' over the last few years and is unable to learn from mistakes/make changes to his behaviour. This generally doesn't cause me problems but he spends a lot of time looking for keys/phone, flapping about being late etc. I have established fixed places for these things and try not to get irritated by it happening everyday.

He is very tall - 6 foot 6 and he has started hitting his head on beams in our old cottage - at least 2x a day I hear him swearing and cursing, and my sympathy is very limited. I can't fathom why he doesn't learn not to do it? I have told him that if it is a genuinely problem that he cannot resolve we should consider moving, he took offence at this.

I am exasperated and don't understand why the active, focused, capable man I married is turning into a silly old man, making the same daft mistakes and then cursing everyone else day after day......

I realise I sound unkind and do not mean to, I am frustrated. AIBU to ignore him when he is rolling on the floor having hit his head again? I know I am, but I struggle to offer unlimited sympathy and support to someone who will not help themselves.

Suggestions to improve his behaviour or my tolerance much appreciated.

Just reading your first post (and not the full thread), two things occur to me - early onset dementia, and MS.

I think a trip to the GP sooner rather than later.

Thank you @Weezol - yes it does make sense. I am off for a walk to digest it all and to take advantage of the stop in rain for the first time since it stopped snowing!

My dd is also very tall (and still bloody growing) regularly bumps not only head but seems to "forget" her arms, legs and feet are bigger than other people's too so stubs toes, catches elbows on door handles etc

Especially bad during a growth spurt while she adjusts - and it's becoming VERY hard to find shoes

"It sounds like he puts himself down a lot - that's another survival mechanism. If he criticises himself first, it heads off cruelty from his abuser, he may even have been rewarded for his self loathing, as it shows he is 'on message' with what the abuser wants." Yep can totally relate to that. I had a full breakdown over a decade ago and been under several Cmht teams and personnel since, every one of them says I'm REALLY hard on myself. Can't help it don't think it'll change now.

Good luck missbonita

I know it can be hard to get husbands to the GP

missbonita dp is the same and I get frustrated. At work he’s very capable in a management role but at home he’s always losing stuff, leaving his phone behind etc. He too bang his head every bloody morning on our sloping ceiling and although I’ve suggested swapping sides (mine doesn’t slope) he shrugs it off. He’s always been like this but as the years have passed I’m just less patient and sympathetic- could that be the case here?

OP,
The mentoring he does with young people....maybe this is bringing up "some issues" as in them, disclosing their stuff to him.
Hope that makes sense.