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Original poster

AIBU to ask- people who were once poor and are now well off, how much happier do you feel?

79 replies

Iwantmydrivewayformyself · 04/04/2018 11:32

I’ve been struggling for money for a while but due to a change in circumstances, it looks like for the next six months I’ll be able to put away £1000-£1200 in spare money. Only until I go back to finishing my degree, anyway.

It’s made me realise that I feel so much less stressed and freer having money spare. It is temporary so don’t flame me for a ‘stealth boast’ and I will be saving 80% of this money.

But I have to ask- those of you who were poor and are now rich, well off, wealthy, whatever you want to call it, do you feel happier or does the novelty off being rich wear off?

I’m doing a very niche degree, which if it goes well AND I find a job I’ll be set up for life as the jobs pay extremely well. However there are few and far between. I’m going to be extremely poor for the next few years, however, working part time and studying. Hence why I need to save, otherwise I won’t be able to afford much at all.

So does being well off or rich make you happier? Or does the novelty wear off? Do you think family and love gives you a better quality of life, or does money make you happy?

Although I’m better off right now I’ve also changed location and I’m so lonely, so I’m unhappier in that respect.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2018 11:44

For us it has been ALL about the reduction in stress levels.

We don't live a hugely different kind of life: we both still work full time. Even though we could afford to we still don't go on holidays, preferring weekends or long weekends away somewhere fairly local (about 3 hours drive). We don't do much socialising either. So that hasn't changed.

But we have decent cars. Can afford better food, clothes, gadgets etc, and could even buy odd unnecessary/luxury items. But we don't really do that much. God we sound boring!

So yes, the novelty wears off, but so does the stress and anxiety of having to watch every penny.

AnneProtheroe · 04/04/2018 11:48

Yes the novelty wears off but it's the freedom of not having to work exactly to the shopping list, grabbing a bottle of wine just "because", booking a weekend away without calculating how it can be shoehorned into the money available, no worrying or midnight panics that a crucial bill has been unpaid.

Much less stressful.

Ledderwoman · 04/04/2018 11:49

I once had to choose between buying gas tokens or electric tokens. I felt rich if I had £10 spare at the end of the month.

Now I have over £1000 spare each month after all bills and groceries, sometimes around £2k.

Novelty wears off, you get used to it. Although I must admit it is nice not having to worry about money. Getting a takeaway one night knowing you won't notice it going out the bank for example, it's the little things.

Schlimbesserung · 04/04/2018 11:52

I'm not rich or well off, but I'm not in grinding poverty any more.
I never get tired of the feeling of being able to choose what we eat, rather than scraping around for what we can afford.
I will never be tired of the feeling of relief that I don't have to worry about being able to feed my children, or have to choose between feeding them and keeping them warm.
The fear is gone and I will always be glad of that.

coldcanary · 04/04/2018 12:02

We’re not well off exactly but when DS was a baby 18 years ago we were relying on food parcels and family kindness for a while and came within a whisker of losing the house.
For me it’s all about sleep - I can actually sleep now without going to bed wondering if what’s in the freezer can last a week or more, mentally juggling money we don’t have to make something stretch further and hoping that school shoes last a bit longer.
It’s not about happiness exactly, we can just rest easier.

Yesiamhappy · 04/04/2018 12:04

Grew up in a 2 bed council house - didn’t know how poor we were at primary so was ok.

Now are well off and don’t have to worry about bills etc but a lot of the people we mix with are also well off so you constantly have the feeling that you are not doing well and then on the other side you get digs about being posh from friends you grew up with. You don’t feel that you fit in to either camp (but that may be my WC chip on my shoulder). Also you have “problems” that affect you but people all just say “first world problems” etc (yes I get they are but sometimes I would be nice to talk)

Flippetydip · 04/04/2018 12:07

As everyone else has said, it's not so much about happiness as freedom and lack of stress. It's also nice to be able to give away money. We've always tried to give 10% so when we didn't have very much it was 10% of not very much, now it's quite a lot more

I'm glad for you OP, it's lovely to be able to save some money for a rainy day. Enjoy the lack of stress and the occasional treat.

And no, for me the novelty hasn't worn off. I'm very grateful that we don't have to worry about money. We're in an incredibly fortunate position and I don't take that for granted.

Buntycaws · 04/04/2018 12:09

I went the opposite way. I was well off and became poorer and was much happier - for various reasons. Then I became properly poor and am thoroughly miserable and stressed.

HouseOfGoldandBones · 04/04/2018 12:14

I think it's all about the stress levels.

And, you still have some of the same worries, but money (& the associated stresses isn't one of them)

I went from being horribly poor (had to rely on parents to buy food & pay the bills), so we never went out, never went on holiday.

Now, although I'm not super wealthy, I am paying for DS to go to private school, have bought a lovely house & I don't go to bed at night, panicking & worrying about how I'll survive the rest of the month.

I've been both, and having money is definitely easier

HoHoHoHo · 04/04/2018 13:11

I'm better off than I was a couple of years ago. Not wealthy (yet) but doing much better. It's nice not to have to walk long distances in the rain at the end of the month to save bus fare. It's nice to be able to attend friend's birthday celebrations and weddings without scrimping for months before. It's nice being able to buy some new shoes before the soles actually fall off. And I've found being better off is often cheaper as I can afford to buy things in bulk or buy things I need when they are on offer rather than having to wait for payday when the price has usually gone back up.

Life is much easier now.

NorthEndGal · 04/04/2018 13:17

Grew up so far below the poverty line , and as a couple we had very little money for a long time. Dh took a huge risk in a career change, and its paid off.
So much less stress! Simple things, like I needed to do a load of repairs on the car, and didn't have to check if I could afford it.
Being able to make over the garden, not just wishing , but doing.
Being able to stop working when I got sick and not having to worry how we'd survive without my income anymore.
Money doesn't buy happiness, but lack of money for what you need can be such a desperate feeling to live with, day in and day out.
I will never, ever, take our new security for granted.

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2018 13:22

I grew up very poor. I am now classified as a high earner. Clearly there is a road to tread in getting from poverty to reasonably affluent.

I can honestly say I've only just started to relax. And I'm not totally relaxed. I now understand our good fortune but I'm careful. I'd say no the novelty doesn't wear off and I feel unbelievably lucky.

EenaMinaMoe · 04/04/2018 13:24

Honestly, for me, so much happier! I know money can't buy you happiness, but it sure as hell takes a lot of stress away - I don't need to worry about being cold or hungry any more for example - and a lot of things that give me pleasure, like gardening, or cooking nice food, or going somewhere new, do cost money that I didn't used to have.

I think people vastly underestimate the massive weight poverty is and how much harder it is to be happy when constantly panicking over pennies.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 04/04/2018 13:28

I don't know about the novelty as such, but certainly we never take it for granted.

We worked damn hard to get here, but are hugely aware that lots of people work as hard or harder and never "make it" like we have. We've been so lucky and try to pay it forward where possible.

wizzywig · 04/04/2018 13:29

Im now overweight because we can afford to eat out in restaurants, so i do. But no the novelty hasnt worn off

jay55 · 04/04/2018 13:30

The anxiety about an unexpected bill or how to get through Christmas is gone. I was in debt and now I’m not and earn a lot more but I still watch the budget and save and save.
I’m still the same person, struggle socially and am lonely at times. But there are less worries.

Lottapianos · 04/04/2018 13:30

The novelty hasn't worn off for me. I'm not wealthy but I earn more than I 'need', I have savings that I can afford to add to every month, I could afford to replace anything that got broken in my home without thinking twice, we can afford holidays and nights out and nice clothes etc. I feel ridiculously fortunate and extremely grateful to be in this position. I often remind myself how lucky I am to be able to buy anything I fancy (within reason) and to be able to treat myself so regularly

Tessliketrees · 04/04/2018 13:31

We worked damn hard to get here, but are hugely aware that lots of people work as hard or harder and never "make it" like we have. We've been so lucky and try to pay it forward where possible

Pretty much this, I am also aware that a lot of the doors I went through shut behind me so I am much more politically active than I was.

messofajess · 04/04/2018 13:32

I grew up very poor, my 20's were quite poor as well. DH and I comfortable enough that I don't have to work even with no kids and the novelty has never worn off for me. I honestly feel like every day is a gift and I feel so incredibly fortunate.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 04/04/2018 13:33

Oops, pressed post too soon!

We are less stressed as things like the car breaking down are now "annoying", not "catastrophic". W haven't changed much in how we live though, I still love a bargain and will check the sale rail in primark despite having enough money to buy from high end stores instead

Quietlife1979 · 04/04/2018 13:33

We’ve just spent three years growing a business which is (thank fuck) now paying off.

It’s fab and we have amazing holidays but our out goings have just got higher.

Bigger mortgage
Higher car payments for nice cars
Private school
Bigger bills.

It puts a lot of pressure on dh to make sure that money keeps coming in.
We are very very lucky so have this kind of money as in the past we were actually looking down the back of the couch for change to buy a loaf of bread.

Bluelady · 04/04/2018 13:33

Having once, as a single parent, having to decide whether to buy a loaf of bread or a pint of milk because there wasn't enough money for both, for me it's not dreading every bill hitting the doormat and feeling secure.

HateBankHolidays · 04/04/2018 13:35

I am the opposite.

We were considered very comfortable- we were. House paid for by the age of 30, cars, boat & £££££ in the Bank.

Now I have nothing. Some days I can’t eat due to lack of money.

Last night I woke up at 4.30am with my heart racing. I can’t see a future & I spend every moment worried sick.

Lucisky · 04/04/2018 13:37

I have had some bad times through my life money wise, even thought I was going to lose my house once, however, times changed for me fortunately.
It's the lack of worry that I appreciate most, because I remember that terrible feeling of desperation that insufficient money brings. I suppose the novelty wears off, and I have gone the other way and try not to spend and save instead, but of course that is easier to do if everything in your life is up together.

MissWilmottsGhost · 04/04/2018 13:45

I'm less stressed now, but that's because I'm not stuck in an abusive relationship with no where else to go.

For me it's the freedom that is the biggest change, if I'm not happy I can fuck off elsewhere. When I was poor I was much more limited in my choices.

I cant get used to having money though, I still live as if it's going to end. I worry about money, save as much as I can, still look for the cheap deals and cannot bear to spend on myself (clothes, shoes, haircuts).

But then that's how to be 'well off' despite having an average income, I don't spend as much as I earn. You only have to read all the MN threads of people on 100K salaries moaning about how skint they are to see that, however much you earn, if you spend every penny of it you will still be struggling.