AIBU to ask- people who were once poor and are now well off, how much happier do you feel?

[Iwantmydrivewayformyself]

I’ve been struggling for money for a while but due to a change in circumstances, it looks like for the next six months I’ll be able to put away £1000-£1200 in spare money. Only until I go back to finishing my degree, anyway.

It’s made me realise that I feel so much less stressed and freer having money spare. It is temporary so don’t flame me for a ‘stealth boast’ and I will be saving 80% of this money.

But I have to ask- those of you who were poor and are now rich, well off, wealthy, whatever you want to call it, do you feel happier or does the novelty off being rich wear off?

I’m doing a very niche degree, which if it goes well AND I find a job I’ll be set up for life as the jobs pay extremely well. However there are few and far between. I’m going to be extremely poor for the next few years, however, working part time and studying. Hence why I need to save, otherwise I won’t be able to afford much at all.

So does being well off or rich make you happier? Or does the novelty wear off? Do you think family and love gives you a better quality of life, or does money make you happy?

Although I’m better off right now I’ve also changed location and I’m so lonely, so I’m unhappier in that respect.

I agree with you Hypermice , it’s always there isn’t it

Interesting question. One minute I was a single mother sitting in Mc Donald’s with my dcs wondering how I’d afford the next bill, now I’m married to one of the top 0.1% earners so have a totally different life. Didnt happen overnight as dh had nothing when I met him, and made his money only recently.

Like you op, I can’t get used to having money; I still use soap instead of shower gel as more economical. I hear dh talking in millions but it doesn’t even register; they’re just numbers.

Although it’s nice not to have money worries in my opinion, once you have everything you need more DOES NOT make you any happier. We socialise with people in the same income bracket so it becomes normal. Sometimes I think that a hotel I would roll my eyes at today would have had me in rapture in my old life. So I guess that says it all!

Maybe it’s not a bad thing? I’m acutely aware I’m lucky - we aren’t rich by any means but we have enough. so many don’t, I didn’t, I struggled and I understand how hard it is for a lot of people.
We worked very hard, we’ve also been lucky (intelligent enough to do the jobs we do, an average, non abusive/chaotic start to life, being born in safe countries.) I’m also aware life can throw you a curve ball and take it away.

I don’t think being cautious is bad. You can probably burn through money like crazy if you’re not

I wouldn't say I was wealthy but I no longer have to watch the pennies like I once did. I don't think it makes you happier deep down and yes, the novelty wears off. You live to your means, I guess.

It is nice not having to always think that I can't do or have something though. I enjoy the lifestyle a bit more money enables us to have. We still don't spend loads but we can now afford to do activities with the children (days out, etc) and afford reasonable equipment (we're a family of hikers/campers). I'm not sent spiralling into a blind panic because a child has lost their water bottle or a PE sock.

I'm not by any means rich but I was very poor - dirt poor growing up and DH grew up in care. We have own own home, we can afford all the food we need and we have 2 cars - we find it genuinely unbelievable and utterly delightful every day. It's just the treat of opening a full fridge and having a choice of clothes etc. No stress when bills arrive - money put aside and the ultimate - saying yes to DC when they ask for things.

Bliss.

You never forget the hard times. A while back I forgot to take my purse grocery shopping. I burst into tears when I went to pay and couldn't find it. The woman on the checkout was really kind and kept telling me not to worry, they could put it to the side and I could pay when I got back. I think she thought I was upset because I'd have to do it all again or something. In actual fact it was more like a PTSD flashback. I was right back in that period where I was trying to buy essentials but didn't have enough, and the shame of everyone looking on as stuff had to be put back, and the worry about how we were going to eat that night.

I am much happier now we're in a comfortable position but behind that is fear of going back to living hand to mouth.

It’s the level of security now that makes a big difference. DH has never known financial hardship but as a child we experienced difficulty and even spent time in a shelter. Now as a black woman who has worked my way up to the top of my profession in the city I don’t take a penny of it for granted. We continue to save and invest, both for us as a couple and for the DC. I am thankful for what we have but I don’t forget the lean days so make sure to donate to those less fortunate.

I agree with everyone else about guilt over spending. I have had MN threads about that and the stress of owning 'nice' things. Still delicious to open my wardrobe and see a choice of jeans thou :)

Like so many people have said, having money hasn’t made me happier but it has relieved so much stress and anxiety. I no longer lie awake worrying about the future. I enjoy tHe luxuries money can buy like time, ) as can now pay people to do the time consuming chores that I hate) and space. I don’t think I buy any more stuff than I used to and I still love a bargain. It’s also
nice to be able to treat friends and family, particularly young adults who are as broke as we used to be and share our good fortune.

I grew up fairly poor at times , lived in a council house though my parents had bought it. I didn't realise though until I was at secondary school that we lived differently to other families. Had 2 holidays through my whole childhood at holiday parks which I loved but most of my friends went abroad every year. My parents would worry about the bills and they told me when I was older it was a real struggle at times. I still had a good childhood though but that was down to my mum. Now as an adult I do have a very comfortable life with no money worries and that's all my children know. OH grew up in a wealthy family but neither of us take our lifestyle for granted. I know from my childhood that money worries put a lot of stress on a relationship as I would hear my parents arguing , where as OH and I don't really argue apart from silly things like putting out the recycling etc

We've not been in poverty but really struggled when DH was made redundant and were slowly getting into debt. Lige was just generally hard. Every purchase was considered. I found general small talk difficult as it tends to be about holidays and stuff like that.
We are now comfortable, and the breathing space it gives you knowing that you can pay the bills. We live well within our means as I'd never like to be as skint as we were.

I absolutely can't see how people with luxury yachts and giant mansions and servants can be happier than your average person - just seems like more stuff to worry about for me and it's not remorely a lifestyle I aspire to. But being in poverty sucks the utter soul out of life. Not knowing if you'll be able to pay the rent/heating/food bills, never being able to treat your children, never being able to buy even a little chocolate bar because you know it will mean having to go without real food. When the budget is so tight that a broken-down car would mean you couldn't eat decent food for a week or clothe your children that month - I wouldn't wish that on anyone!

So, yes, as others have said, for me not being poor really means far less to worry about. I can buy my children a treat, or a bottle of wine, or the occasional take-away, fix my car when it breaks down and buy new school shoes without having to worry about the impact it will have on the budget for the month, what we will have to go without to make up the difference. It's wonderful, and I'm grateful every day.

I’m very grateful to know longer have the fear of my card being declined in a shop. I think about it every time I go food shopping and no longer count it up in my head. My partner laughs at my ability to pretty accurately guess the bill for dinner/drinks/shopping. Old habits die hard. I no longer lie awake worrying about my direct debits being bounced but I do worry about the big financial commitments I’ve made (mortgage etc) when I know so acutely that my current income etc may not last forever. So yes, life is happier, and easier, the stresses are different. Maybe one day I’ll find the right balance to make me feel like I have both financial security and the freedom to enjoy it. Holy grail though isn’t it 😊

Like most others have said - more freedom, much less stress.

And the novelty hasn’t worn off, I still feel immense relief.

I think after health family and friends money is key to happiness. You can't be happy if you can't eat pay rent on time etc. At least I never could be.

Much. The time when I was really broke - getting into debt just to survive - was the worst time of my life. I thought about suicide every day.

Now that I can afford more or less what I want (not, like, Ferraris, but reasonable things) I'm much less stressed.

The debt period was almost a decade ago and I still feel unease when checking my bank account. The effects are long-lasting.

I’ve just caught up as this thread has made me think a bit this afternoon. So many of us are comfortable now, but still remember the fear and stress of being poor. Now it is the relatively small things that make us feel great. A couple of PPs said things that really resonated, a choice of jeans and a full fridge. They are both things that make me feel like a Rockefeller.

So much happier. Don’t have to worry about money and I love being able to treat my parents for example who are struggling financially despite a life of public service. I’ve worked hard and been lucky.

I have never been poor, but had to chose between paying for food or heating. I am not well off, but I am comfortable enough for holidays and non-essential.

I absolutely disagree with above, novelty never wears off. Being able to fix anything, or take a cab or even go to a hotel if anything goes wrong is bliss. Not worrying at the cost of uniforms, let alone food. Any problem you might have will be much much easier when you are "well off". Even being able to afford a taxi and a babysitter if you have hospital appointments and you can not drive is bliss.

Money might not bring happiness per say, but it gives you a hell of a happy life. Maybe you enjoy it more if you have missed it, and people who have been spoil but not pushed to achieve anything, maybe they are miserable. I do have friends from very rich families who do not tolerate laziness, and they seem more than happy!

Give me millions any day, and I would be even happier.

I think there is a level where it makes a difference.

Having enough so you do not have to worry about the basics makes you happier but after that having more and more money doesn't make a difference in happiness levels.in my opinion.

Personally I know I was happier as a single mum on benefits than when I was earning £75000 a year as I could not stand the hours you were expected to work for that. I was money rich but time poor.

I semi retired at 45 and now live on less than a third of that but only work 3 days per week and am far far happier. Its enough to cover the bills and leave enough to have fun but i do have to keep an eye on spending.

But I would not want to live on benefits now as I think it is far harder.

This may seem like an insensitive answer but I don't feel happier overall actually. I grew up dirt poor at times (sitting next to a gas oven for warmth, and hiding behind the sofa from the bailiffs happened more often than not!)

Things were very tight when the DC'S were young to, but we coped. Never had a penny at the end of the month and we went without basics many times so the DC's didn't have to.

Now they are teens and we generally have over 2k minimum of disposable income each month after mortgage, bills, food, petrol etc. And it feels odd still. It's like 'guilt'.
After work today for example I grabbed a few bits from the supermarket without even noting the price or 'tallying' it up so I knew I could pay for it at the check-out. Then I felt wasteful, then relieved. The upshot being poverty follows you regardless of whats in the bank if that's how you started out.

I'm not rich but we have no money worries, having been extremely poor in the past.

I feel a thousand times happier than I did then. Life was a constant worry with no money. Every day was terrifying because I lived in fear of needing to repair or replace something, or running out of money for food, or our direct debits bouncing.

I don't think being significantly wealthier would make me any happier though.

Having enough so you do not have to worry about the basics makes you happier but after that having more and more money doesn't make a difference in happiness levels.in my opinion.

You’re correct - a considerable body of research shows exactly this :)

Definitely less stressful. When you have no money, your head is consumed with worry about how to pay for this, that and the other.

We are significantly better off now. We're still tight arses though. I can relate to those that say the feeling never goes away that you might someday have to go back to never having the heating on, waking everywhere and doing your weekly shop with a calculator to make sure you don't go over your measly budget. We live WAY within our means and would never consider a massive mortgage or private school for DC (unless they get allocated a shithole, then I might consider it - nice to have the option!)

It's having the money for a taxi of you need to, or a coffee if you meet a friend, taking the kids out for the day without much thought of the cost, going out for food etc. YY to fixing the car and being grateful that the £140 bill doesn't make a dent in that months budget.

So very grateful!

Brought up extremely poor (when I give examples to people now they think I’m making it up!) Married well, got ruined in divorce and was on my own scraping by for a long time. Ironically, when I first got divorced I loved the fact that I could finally relate to my friends money problems! I’m now in a much better position and have been for a number of years but squirrel away money when I can and live constantly with the fear that the bubble could burst at any time.