AIBU to ask- people who were once poor and are now well off, how much happier do you feel?

[Iwantmydrivewayformyself]

I’ve been struggling for money for a while but due to a change in circumstances, it looks like for the next six months I’ll be able to put away £1000-£1200 in spare money. Only until I go back to finishing my degree, anyway.

It’s made me realise that I feel so much less stressed and freer having money spare. It is temporary so don’t flame me for a ‘stealth boast’ and I will be saving 80% of this money.

But I have to ask- those of you who were poor and are now rich, well off, wealthy, whatever you want to call it, do you feel happier or does the novelty off being rich wear off?

I’m doing a very niche degree, which if it goes well AND I find a job I’ll be set up for life as the jobs pay extremely well. However there are few and far between. I’m going to be extremely poor for the next few years, however, working part time and studying. Hence why I need to save, otherwise I won’t be able to afford much at all.

So does being well off or rich make you happier? Or does the novelty wear off? Do you think family and love gives you a better quality of life, or does money make you happy?

Although I’m better off right now I’ve also changed location and I’m so lonely, so I’m unhappier in that respect.

We went through some very bad years when our business failed.
The stress nearly broke our relationship. It was a huge worry everytime the postman came or someone unfamiliar walked down the drive.
Things massively turned around and money hasn't been a worry for nearly 20 years. You do get used to being financially ok but a bit of the worry never leaves me.
Apart from my savings and investments I like to have a years annual salary in a bank account - just in case.
I love the feeling of paying off my bills when they come in. In February my car insurance, annual water rates and council tax all arrived on the same day. It felt good paying them off and mentally ticking them off in my head.
I stil hate paying full price for something if I don't have to. I use sites lie Topcashback.
My friend says I have an odd attitude to money.They noticed that I would happy pick up a tab for a meal for a couple of 100 pounds and not mention it but, as they put it, cause an argument if some deliberately short changed me of 20p

Do I think money can make you happy? Yes up to a point yes I do.
Money gives you options but you must choose wisely how you treat it and act with it.

I grew up fairly poor and spent years as a student or travelling on a shoestring and had to obsess over every penny I spent. My first post masters job was very poorly paid so another few years of scrimping by - then my next job almost doubled my salary and the relief and feeling of gratitude has never gone away. My wage has since doubled again and my DH earns a decent amount so we are very comfortable. I appreciate it every single day but also find myself fighting the urge to keep striving for more. Most of our friends are better off than we are so the temptation to look at their holidays and lifestyles and start comparing is tempting but then I check myself and remember how incredibly lucky we are.
I am definitely much happier with disposable income, the ability to go on holiday without particularly saving for it, being able to eat out whenever we fancy.

It’s fab and we have amazing holidays but our out goings have just got higher

Bigger mortgage
Higher car payments for nice cars
Private school
Bigger bills
I've heard this from a lot of other people and I just don't get why anyone would burden themselves especially as the poster says there is a pressure to keep money coming in to keep up with the upgraded lifestyle.

My lads laugh at my home spun advice but I encourage them to live under a level they can afford. Everyone needs wiggle room just in case things turn again. There's no point in chasing stuff,- more expensive cars, more and more clothes etc

I totally agree with notacooldad. I do not see the point of bigger things. I would rather save money than spend for the sake of it

I grew up very poor and am now comfortable, I love not having to think about money. Being able to pay the bills that come in with no drama. Being able to make plans without over thinking the cost. But I still buy all of my clothes and most of DC's in the sales. I buy them winter coats for next year now and store them away. There is the challenge of bigger houses, nicer cars and spending what your peers do. Money doesn't make you happy but it gives you choices.

The novelty hasn’t worn off for me and I hope it never does. I now spend a lot on holidays and especially socialising, but it still wouldn’t occur to me not to look for the cheapest toilet roll, shampoo, bottle of supermarket wine etc. I’m still very aware that I could lose it all so easily and be back to where I started. I still dream I lose everything and am back in my first job regularly, and I still get a prickle of dread when the phone rings or doorbell goes in case it’s a creditor.

I’m not sure that feeling of being ‘on edge’ and aware what a fine line it is between poverty and well off will ever wear off. I am much happier. Money might not buy happiness but poverty guarantees misery.

Low income growing up. Low income as a student. Now in top 1% of household income.

I have less stress because I can sort out many problems financially and I can confer advantages on my dc (best schools etc). I do appreciate that this makes me very fortunate.

I am not especially happy. I am not in a happy marriage (not awful either - just not in love with dh) and after given up my career (freely) a few years back I am under stimulated and bored and lack a bit of purpose

I wouldn’t change the financial circumstances although life has thrown in other obstacles but I do miss the closeness that I felt living in a council estate in a poverty stricken area. Neighbours were family and there was often little acts of kindness. It has made me very careful.

I’m the opposite - used to have a high paying job and a lot of disposable income. Now I’m a sahm and skint. It sucks. Not reading the comments on this thread as it’ll make me jealous 😂

I’d definitely say the stress has gone. The constant grinding worry about “what if”. What if the car packs up, what if the boiler goes, what if the mortgage rate goes up, what if DS has another growth spurt. I don’t even think of those things anymore.

I definitely don’t live to anything like my income, so I have good savings. I can now eat out when I don’t feel like cooking and can go to Waitrose or M&S not Coop for my shopping. I spend more than I need to on clothes and good wine. Things like that make life so nice and easy, but I don’t have the huge outgoings that some take on as they get richer.

I think it is because the previous stress and relative poverty means that I do have a deep seated fear that one day my good fortune will all be taken away. That’s probably the thing I still carry from previous difficulties.

Grew up with very little, all clothes second hand, not allowed friends round for tea as we couldn't afford to feed them, etc. Was also very poor after having first child as I didn't have a job to return to and we had to keep the thermostat so low it was freezing cold and we overspent every month even though we scrimped on just the necessities. We don't have lots of money now and can't afford big holidays, but we don't have to worry about buying food or paying bills and can afford little treats. I am so grateful for this and constantly remind myself how lucky we are whenever I feel sad about the things we can't afford.

I still get a buzz from buying branded food when I do my shopping....and loads of fresh fruit, berries even!

For years I had to count every single penny and would walk to our nearest town with three young children because the bus fare would buy 3 loaves of basics bread.

I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination but I’m comfortable - dh and I have enough over overpay the mortgage, save etc, after our day to day commitments are met and we can plan for the future. We have a nice home and don’t need to watch every penny. We are still cautious with money and we don’t have any expensive or wasteful habits.

The difference is huge. Just that reduction in stress. I do get very anxious that it could all go if one of us is ill or worse. To me money is security. As I say we aren’t rich but being able to save and have a buffer is more than I ever thought I’d be able to do.

They do say it’s that first leap from
Poverty to being securevthat makes the biggest difference to quality of life and I can believe that. Of course I wouldn’t turn down
A lottery win or a massive pay rise but I’m not sure it’d make us materially much happier (maybe if I didn’t have to work..)

The novelty of treating myself and dcs to little luxuries never wears off. Things like private school and a biggish mortgage are now an expense. I imagine that you can get jaded from too many big holidays or expensive cars but I am not into that anyway.

Actually I take back what I said earlier, the novelty hasn't worn off completely and I get a reminder every now and then.

DS1 has just asked me about the lamb I cooked on Easter Sunday. He's moving out soon and wanting meal ideas so asked how much it cost. It was £11 and fed four humans and a dog.

DS's reaction "£11??? Shit the bed, I'll never be able to afford that".

I'd never even given it a 2nd thought. It's nice not to have to worry about stuff like that.

Totally agree with previous posters re the lack of stress. If our roof starts leaking (for example), we can just get it fixed. If one of our friends gets married abroad, we can just fly there. I do the weekly food shop and don't really look at the prices.

It's a far cry from cycling in the rain because I didn't have bus fare.

Another massive benefit is that you can do things efficiently. You can buy the really nice furniture that looks good for 30 years instead of the stuff which looks tatty after 3. When something pricey that we use a lot of is half price, we have the money to buy in bulk and the space to store it. We can pay less or no interest. Being poor can be EXPENSIVE (I think Terry Pratchett wrote something about this, based around a character who could only buy cheap boots that kept wearing out?).

When my kids need speech therapy (or similar) and don't qualify for NHS treatment because of all the cutbacks, we can go private. This is the biggest plus as far as I'm concerned, although it shouldn't be necessary and I'm horrified at the thought of all the kids slipping through the net with the NHS cutbacks... but that's another thread.

However... as my financial circumstances have changed, so have other things in my life, some related and some not. I miss the freedom I used to have. I miss the spare time (although you do need that time for hunting through the charity shops!). I miss being young. So it's not as simple as saying that everything in my life is better now.

I'm temporarily flush due to studying. For me its the mental freedom. I can go away for a weekend or eat out. I don't actually do a lot more than when I was on the bones of my arse but when I was just making ends meet it was depressing not being able to go anywhere. It was just existing with no end in sight to the poverty.

My dad always says "The best thing about money is it makes problems go away!"

That is so true for me. I grew up relatively comfortably and was ok as a student (or no worse off than my friends)

I then got pregnant with dd age 24 and single. Just at the time my parents lost a load of money so couldn't really help.
I had approx 15 years of struggling. Not poor enough to not afford food but enough to be down to pasta and porridge at the end of the month and I often didn't buy myself any clothes for over a year.

My mum had a large inheritance two years ago and paid off my mortgage plus a bit for pension and fun! I'd already been gradually getting better off by no longer paying childcare and increasing my working hours.

I'm now pretty comfortable although I still live on relatively little by mn standards.

The novelty hasn't worn off. If I get a parking ticket now I swear, pay it and move on. Before it would have ruined my week and impacted on my food shopping. When my washing machine packed up (ancient second hand one from before the money) I went online and Currys delivered and installed a new one the next day. Before I would have had to try to fix it myself from YouTube videos or wait a couple of months to save for a new one and wash clothes in the bath.

It's that anger and stress you get when things are costing you money you can't afford that I don't miss.

I haven't increased my outgoings much at all though. I still have the same car and phone. No mortgage but i put the equivalent amount into my previously non-existent pension. I do spend more on food now though. I love that I can always afford olive oil!

ignores £4k holiday spend!

I grew up without money .
For me being comfortable now means I have choices .
The truth is we actually live quite frugally ( habits are hard to change ) but I feel content knowing that we can afford what we need and most of what we want.

I don’t understand people who ,when they get a promotion or have a few years of success suddenly move to an expensive house with a huge mortgage, buy or more likely finance expensive cars and go on luxury holidays . The years of being flush are the years when you squirrel away as much as you can .

We have gone the opposite way and I can relate to all these people saying it 's the stress. I am actually, on balance, happier now than I have ever been. Things are really good at a personal level. But the constant, never-ending, low level stress about money brings things down and I can't wait until we have turned things around and are back to being comfortable. I just hope that all the other things we've got will stay. And in fact, we could probably turn our fortunes around faster if we made certain choices, but because DH and I know that's not going to make us happy, we're sticking it out to try and go with our original plan.

But being able to get rid of the financial stress is something I'm looking forward to a lot.

It's not that it makes you happier - it's more like the feeling of realising you've been carrying a rucksack filled with rocks and now you can put it down. The lack of stress from having some wiggle room in the budget is incredible and savings, god it's a revelation.

Our boiler blew over winter and it was really annoying having a cold house, and having to go to friends for showers, and waiting for the part to come in - but that was the extent of it. We paid for a new boiler and the labour out of savings, we've since managed to top up our rainy day fund almost back to where we were. When we were poor we had a tyre need replacing on our car and I can still feel the stress and anxiety building when I think of it - that was about £200, compared to over £2000 recently but our whole world fell apart to afford it. Back then we felt we could never really breathe easy, but now issues are a hiccup - it's freeing.

I find that it makes you less unhappy as opposed to making you happier. There isn't as much to worry about when the money is sorted out. It bad luck things like illness, usual tragedies of life like losing older loved ones and, if you are stupid-problems you have created for yourself like affairs and what not. The only issue that I have really noticed is that sometimes people can get carried away with getting richer. They work more and more, scrounge a bit, whatever. These are the people who forget that money isn't worth anything more than what it can buy.

I don’t think it ever leaves you though - I still feel panicky if I have an unexpected cost just for a moment.

I don’t think it ever leaves you though - I still feel panicky if I have an unexpected cost just for a moment. Oh yes!

We both feel the that moment of 'eek!'. We also have a block about spending! We both start conversations to discuss, no, to justify spending money. We don't police our spending, but we do seem to keep a firm hand on the purse strings, even with most of the money being in savings!