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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu MIL/fusspot

54 replies

Spiggle123 · 03/04/2018 22:46

NC for this. I'm going away for a week next month. Two nights will be in a very posh hotel, the rest in a B&B with lots of outdoors/sightseeing etc.
The posh hotel is to give mil a birthday treat. She is thrilled.
But she keeps grilling me on what I'm going to wear for dinner in said posh hotel. I like to travel light and will wear the same thing the two nights running. She is scandalised. What will people think?
They'll think I've only got one posh outfit (I have)

I don't care what people think. I'll only be wearing the bloody thing for three hours per night for two nights.
Mil implied that it's a bit low class to wear the same thing two nights running and it's a very posh hotel and there might be important people there. DH thinks it's mildly amusing and so long as I don't wear jeans and a t-shirt isn't really bothered.
Her intellect isn't compromised, she's just a tad snobbish.

I know it's petty, but she's making me doubt myself.
No bugger will even notice, will they? Why would they?
And why would they care, and why would I care if they cared?
Unless I get gravy on it, it's happening. AIBU?

OP posts:

Bobbiepin · 03/04/2018 22:49

If you have no other options to take YANBU but what will you do if you get gravy on it?

Puffycat · 03/04/2018 22:50

Firstly I think you’re being very lovely taking mil to a posh hotel for 2 nights, second, wear what you effing want! She’s obviously from a generation when they felt that everyone noticed everything you wear and would comment, they won’t!
If necessary change your look with jewellery, scarves etc

AfterSchoolWorry · 03/04/2018 22:53

there might be important people there

😂😂

That's so quaint!

TheDinosaurRoars · 03/04/2018 22:54

I think it is absolutely fine to wear the same thing twice, if you want, but since it is her birthday, and it obviously means a lot to her, I would take a second outfit.

SurferRona · 03/04/2018 22:54

Of course they wont! You could add some different jewellery or a accessory, hair up v down, diff makeup to ring the changes. Top decent hotels are all about service and will make you feel fine, regardless!

Bobbiepin- sponge it off ?

concretesieve · 03/04/2018 22:54

YANBU

Aprilmightmemynewname · 03/04/2018 22:56

I saw a jumper out shopping yesterday that had
'I am in control'
on the front. You should buy it!!

BusterTheBulldog · 03/04/2018 22:59

You don’t hear the term ‘fusspot’ enough, I’m going to use it tomorrow!

My only worry would be getting a big splodge of something on it. Is there anything else you could take ‘just in case’?

Original poster

Spiggle123 · 03/04/2018 23:02

but what will you do if you get gravy on it?

Spread it around into some sort of pattern.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 03/04/2018 23:03

Your MIL is a HOOT. Bring along different necklaces, scarves, whatever to change up the outfit and don't give it another thought. Tell your MIL that if the Queen is there she'll be far too busy holding her handbag to worry about what one of her subjects is wearing.

Doubletrouble99 · 03/04/2018 23:12

Only time I ever noticed some one wear the same thing more than once was when a guy on holiday in Italy wore the same orange tee shirt and kaki shorts every day for a week!! had it been two days running I'm sure I would never have batted an eye lid.

lollipopjones · 03/04/2018 23:58

I think it is absolutely fine to wear the same thing twice, if you want, but since it is her birthday, and it obviously means a lot to her, I would take a second outfit.

I agree with this ^

Original poster

Spiggle123 · 04/04/2018 08:27

So I'm not being entirely U. But on this occasion I should indulge her eccentricity and extend my wardrobe to 2 posh outfits. Fair enough.
Last time we took her to a very posh restaurant for a significant birthday, there was a well known actor on the next table, who Dh observed had been 3 years ahead of him at university.
Mil spent the evening encouraging Dh to 'Go say something to him'
To her disappointment, he didn't.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/04/2018 08:35

Personally I wouldn't wear the same thing twice but that's me. Can you not just take an extra top? That's if you're wearing trousers.

Being in a posh hotel is a treat surely? Don't you want to feel nice?

UpSideDownBrain · 04/04/2018 09:33

'Go say something to him'

Then she could say to her friends "we were chatting with over dinner last week - oh yes - he's an old friend of DH's. Lovely chap .. . blah blah..."

StripeyDeckchair · 04/04/2018 09:37

Your MIL is totally unreasonable, no one will notice what you are wearing and no one will care if you wear the same outfit for two consecutive evenings. Don't give in and spend money on something you don't kneed and will barely wear.

LaContessaDiPlump · 04/04/2018 09:40

Take a second outfit (pretty dress or something) but buy it from a charity shop. Do not tell her this.

I wore a dress to a friend's wedding that cost me 15 quid 2nd hand and you honestly wouldn't have known!

PhuntSox · 04/04/2018 09:42

Two different scarves (to catch the gravy), job done!

Okadas · 04/04/2018 09:44

If the Queen turns up you will regret the gravy dress.

Rawhh · 04/04/2018 09:45

Perhaps point out to MIL that 'real' posh people don't give a fuck whether someone notices they are wearing the same thing twice. They certainly wouldn't go OTT for dinner in a hotel. Therefore, you will blend in nicely.

MamosianAntiMatterChopsticks · 04/04/2018 09:55

Ha! She sounds just like my late nan. Absolutely adored her, she was like a mum to me. She was very much working class, lived in council housing all her life, but had some very snobbish ideas. And she'd say the same - ooh you just can't wear the same outfit 2 nights running (regardless of whether it was a posh hotel or a Travelodge!), it's so common!

I remember the day she rang me in disgust and shock after visiting my DSIS

"Do you know Mamosian, your sister served me a cup of tea in a MUG! A bloody mug! Aaaand, to top it off, it had a CHIP! I was mortified, I refused to drink it!"

Just ignore your MIL, and take some smelling salts with you just in case she faints from the embarrassment!

Motoko · 04/04/2018 10:25

Princess Anne is well known for reusing outfits (ok, maybe not two nights in a row, but she's royalty, so everyone would be looking at her).

I don't think there's anything wrong with wearing the same outfit two nights running, as PPs have said, just change the accessories.

If you do decide to get something else to wear, get something nice from a charity shop. It won't cost much and if you never wear it again, you won't feel so bad about it. You could even donate it back after the weekend.

Wornoutbear · 04/04/2018 10:32

There's a story about Mrs Thatcher ringing the Palace to ask what the Queen would be wearing to a dinner as she didn't want to clash/wear something similar and cause embarrassment to HM. The Palace replied that "HM takes no notice of what other ladies are wearing" - so tell her that!

Love51 · 04/04/2018 10:39

Important people?
My kids, my husband, my family and friends. Begrudgingly my boss and work colleagues. But why would my boss be dining in the same hotel as me 2 nights in a row? And I don't think she'd care what I was wearing, she might notice if it was scandalously short or something.
It isn't very posh to care what people think, is it? I'm only posh in that regard!

AsAProfessionalPenis · 04/04/2018 10:46

Wear the same thing both nights.
You could accessorise differently, if you choose to
I think she is a cheeky mare dictating what you should wear. I am very stubborn and would definitely wear the same thing if told not to

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