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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu MIL/fusspot

54 replies

Spiggle123 · 03/04/2018 22:46

NC for this. I'm going away for a week next month. Two nights will be in a very posh hotel, the rest in a B&B with lots of outdoors/sightseeing etc.
The posh hotel is to give mil a birthday treat. She is thrilled.
But she keeps grilling me on what I'm going to wear for dinner in said posh hotel. I like to travel light and will wear the same thing the two nights running. She is scandalised. What will people think?
They'll think I've only got one posh outfit (I have)

I don't care what people think. I'll only be wearing the bloody thing for three hours per night for two nights.
Mil implied that it's a bit low class to wear the same thing two nights running and it's a very posh hotel and there might be important people there. DH thinks it's mildly amusing and so long as I don't wear jeans and a t-shirt isn't really bothered.
Her intellect isn't compromised, she's just a tad snobbish.

I know it's petty, but she's making me doubt myself.
No bugger will even notice, will they? Why would they?
And why would they care, and why would I care if they cared?
Unless I get gravy on it, it's happening. AIBU?

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/04/2018 10:50

How hard is it to pack an extra top/dress?
Or is this a stance towards your MIL?

GrooovyLass · 04/04/2018 10:53

Very hard if you only have one appropriate outfit.

I agree with PP - just accessorise differently. Nobody is going to notice apart from you MIL anyway!

Bluelady · 04/04/2018 10:57

Take a pair of black trousers and a dressy top for the second evening. Job done.

DairyisClosed · 04/04/2018 10:58

You MIL sounds a bit common. Dressing for dinner really isn't a thing anymore. Caring what other people think is also very much out if fashion. Just wear what you want. Unless this hotel is frequented by people having a bite to eat before attending formal events you will look very put if place wearing a cocktail dress anyway.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/04/2018 10:58

The OP hasn't said she doesn't have another outfit though.

GrooovyLass · 04/04/2018 11:00

It's in the OP that she only has one posh outfit!

Weezol · 04/04/2018 11:00

You MIL feels nervy and out of place in a posh place so she's overcompensating by worrying at you - if you like and love her, just borrow another top from a friend. If it's only for three hours, I'd indulge her, it's a small thing that will help the evening to run smoothly.

Lookforthestars · 04/04/2018 11:01

Of course people still dress for dinner. Confused

Sparkletastic · 04/04/2018 11:02

Bless her. The only reason I might pack an extra outfit would be if I had a hot flush brought on by the menopause a hot celebrity actor dining next to me.

Takfujuimoto · 04/04/2018 11:12

Remember that episode of Friends where Phoebe gets a stain on her dress and covers it with a garish decoration

Takfujuimoto · 04/04/2018 11:15

{{https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/friends/images/5/59/Nooneeready2.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/533?cb=20170226155935}}

Takfujuimoto · 04/04/2018 11:16

Just ignore me and my incompetence Hmm
YanbuGrin

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 04/04/2018 11:48

The posh hotel is to give mil a birthday treat. She is thrilled.

For this reason alone, I would try to have a different outfit for the second night. No-one else will bother if you wear the same thing, but if it matters so much to her that the same frock would spoil her treat then find something else.

You obviously care for her to take her out like this, so do this for her even if it is old fashioned and in reality totally unnecessary. Remember the old saying 'Why spoil a ship for a ha'porth of tar?'

ZacharyQuack · 04/04/2018 11:55

Tell her your dress is reversable.

Then turn it inside out on the second night.

starfishmummy · 04/04/2018 12:05

I assume the dh will wear the same suit both nights?? Or does she expect him to have 2 as well?

In my limited experience of posh people from tv they are the ones likely to be wearing the same moth eaten clothes every evening for a week or several anyway

DancesWithOtters · 04/04/2018 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Heatherjayne1972 · 04/04/2018 13:51

Is your mil hyacinth bucket?

Mydoghatesthebath · 04/04/2018 13:56

Well to be honest that would make me laugh op. She must be just excited snd good on you for treating her.

I would go charity shop dress shopping. Loads of choice and cheap

alfagirl73 · 04/04/2018 13:58

I have a friend who is from a posh background, private education etc... etc... and is very well spoken... has in fact dined with royalty. This friend likes good quality clothes but doesn't like having to think or worry about what to wear. Said friend has bought several of the same outfits that they like - so if it's casual - will always wear the same thing, if it's posh, will always be the same thing (but appropriate for the occasion). People might assume they don't wash their clothes or have anything else when in fact, my friend has rather expensive, good quality clothes, just duplicates of the same few outfits.

In fact I know a few people who do this - most of whom are quite wealthy/posh. They would rather spend their money on other things so they get several similar outfits of very good quality that don't date, look smart, classic and last for years.

As others above have said, properly posh people don't care and won't bat an eyelid. It's the "try-hards" that worry about that sort of thing. Most people will be too busy with their own plans/friends/family to notice you're even there never mind what you're wearing.

Poodles1980 · 04/04/2018 14:05

My mum does this. She is permanently worried about what me and my sister wear be it work, social occasions, holidays. She drives
Me mad. I often turn up to lunch in her house in leggings and a hoodie just to annoy her. She will ask me what i wore to a wedding or night away and I tell her jeans. She can’t deal with me Smile

pencilhoarder · 04/04/2018 14:09

MIL has given a hostage to fortune by saying she thinks important people will be there. You could invent what you like about the other guests who will be there, and have enormous fun if you are as mischievous as I am, OP Grin

GreenTulips · 04/04/2018 14:11

I think if OP wants to take one outfit and wear it twice it's nobodies else's business!

It's not anyone's else's business to try and solve the dilemma with a scalf or jewellery

MIL being treated to a break and is being unkind to OP and make her feels 'less'! How rude!

BaronessBomburst · 04/04/2018 14:12

My experience of posh hotels is that people who frequent posh hotels will not be dressed for dinner. They'll be wearing something casual, or jeans. People only dress up for hotels and restaurants when they don't usually go to them.
However, I ignore my own advice as I like to dress up and have a whole wardrobe of posh frocks and little chance to wear them. I realise this probably marks me out as a pleb. Grin

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 04/04/2018 14:38

YANBU OP. I rewear loads and no one ever says anything, so your MIL . Here, I'd take 2 dresses in case of a gravy dress situ and I'd wear the 2nd to keep the peace although I think MiL is being stupidly hyacinth buckety about it.