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Original poster

To not want to tell people the sex?

69 replies

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 03/04/2018 13:55

I have my anomaly scan soon. DP was keen to find out the sex and whilst I initially wasn’t too bothered, I’m now looking forward to it (baby’s co-operation permitting!).

However, I don’t really want to tell anyone else until baby is here. I don’t see how it makes any difference to family/friends excitement about the baby or their treatment of him/her. I’m also keen to keep names under wraps until baby is born (as we have decided and don’t need opinions!) which I think will be easier if we don’t tell anyone what we’re having.

I have a couple of friends who are really putting the pressure on for us to tell them what we’re having. I don’t see why they need to know or how it affects them at all?! I’ve basically been accused of being selfish or dramatic for wanting DP and I to have a nice secret and something to be excited about between us. I wish I’d never mentioned that we’d decided to find out!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 03/04/2018 13:57

Tell them baby didn't co-operate so the sonographer couldn't tell. Or that you changed your minds and decided not to know. If they think you don't know they can't really hound you for an answer. Then just keep it secret.

In future the trick to keeping a secret is not to tell people that you plan on keeping a secret Wink

Leeds2 · 03/04/2018 13:57

It's nobody's business but yours and DP's. Tell them nothing! In particular, keep your choice of names quiet as people somehow feel obliged to tell you why they don't like it and/or horrible people they know with the same name.
If it makes it easier, tell them the scan was inconclusive.

XJerseyGirlX · 03/04/2018 13:59

Tell them the baby was crossing its legs and have your lovely secret

RoryHatesCoffee · 03/04/2018 14:00

Just say you didn't get it confirmed- which isn't a lie as they can't be 100% sure from a scan anyway.

We found out but didn't tell anyone, we just sometimes said he and sometimes she. People get over it quickly, nobody really gives a shit apart from grandparents.

DoJo · 03/04/2018 14:01

You don't have to tell anyone, but it makes much more sense not to tell people that you know as otherwise it smacks a bit of making a point of telling people that you have a 'secret' you aren't telling them.

LeighaJ · 03/04/2018 14:06

You shouldn't have told people you know the gender, then that you're not telling anyone. It's like playing I have a secret, except you're both adults. 🙄 Just comes across as smug and immature even if that wasn't your intention...I'm guessing...

It would have been better just to tell everyone you didn't want to find out so don't know.

PattiStanger · 03/04/2018 14:08

Of course you don't have to tell anyone, honestly a firm "we're not telling anyone" is all you have to say to them. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 14:10

I agree with dojo

helpconfused · 03/04/2018 14:10

I didn't find out. I was petrified of giving birth and I thought if I didn't find out it might give me a bit of a boost!
Also I preferred certain sex and didn't want to find out it was one I didn't particularly want...I know, that sounds awful

YourWanMajella · 03/04/2018 14:15

I get not finding out, and I get finding out and revealing, I even get finding out but not telling anyone you know, but I don't get finding out and refusing to tell everyone. It makes me think of a kid smugly grinning "I know something you don't know!".
It's just weird.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 03/04/2018 14:17

Of course you don't have to tell anyone the sex. You don't owe anyone anything.

It does seem a bit odd to make a point of telling people you're finding out the sex only to tell them it's a "secret". Surely it would be simpler to just say "we're not finding out" or say nothing at all. Otherwise it does come across a bit like attention seeking to be honest..."we know what it is but we're not telling!"

Thistlebelle · 03/04/2018 14:19

How rude of them! just don’t tell them you know.

It’s absolutely none of their business.

DragonMummy1418 · 03/04/2018 14:29

Just tell them to mind their own business!

BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 03/04/2018 14:34

Why tell people you know if you don't want them to know?

We are finding out at 20 weeks but are telling people we're not.

I think it's a bit strange to tell people you know but then refuse to tell them...

HidingFromTheWorld · 03/04/2018 14:38

No need to tell anyone. Why should you have to? It’s nobody else’s business.

We didn’t find out the gender when we were expecting our DD 16 years ago, but my MIL told everyone that we had found out and had chosen not to tell her, which wasn’t fair as it was her grandchild.....

Needless to say, when our DD arrived, she still didn’t believe we hadn’t known all along!

So, you probably can’t win. Therefore, do what’s right for you.

Idontdowindows · 03/04/2018 14:40

Nobody's business :) We didn't know our first grandchild's sex as the parents wanted it to be a surprise for us, and the second one was shared as they wanted everybody to know. The rest was yes or no or later on. Different strokes for different folks, you do wnat you want and bugger the rest.

Notso · 03/04/2018 14:47

In future the trick to keeping a secret is not to tell people that you plan on keeping a secret.

This. I have in-laws who spent their pregnancies banging on about their secrets, the names, the sex, the nursery. It was fucking tedious and that's putting it mildly.

DadDadDad · 03/04/2018 14:47

Also, definitely don't discuss baby names with anyone, not even a shortlist of boys' and girls' names - too many MN threads over the years have shown it often leads to problems...

Itsnotmesothere · 03/04/2018 14:52

I agree with Dojo. Of course you don't have to tell anyone but I'd pissed off, if a close family member did this. I would try hard not to show it but it does seem like a smug wind up. I know something that you don't know

Whatshallidonowpeople · 03/04/2018 14:59

No one cares, they just ask out of politeness, just say you don't know

MsHomeSlice · 03/04/2018 15:03

can only echo what others have already said, don't be that couple

"we know but we are not saying"

No one really cares you know! ....so you are just setting yourself up for eye rolling and people thinking the worst of you if you go down that route!

Perfectly1mperfect · 03/04/2018 15:15

If you tell people that you know the sex but say you are not telling them, I think you will just come across as attention seeking. If someone told me they knew but were not telling people I would just be Confused

You have every right to not tell anyone but if you honestly don't want the drama then just tell them you didn't find out.

KC225 · 03/04/2018 15:15

Agree with others, say baby was turning to other way. People who say we know but we are not saying come across as so smug and dull.

Asking if you know what you having has become one of those things to say - like hairdressers asking about upcoming holidays or getting in a mini cab and saying you been busy? Not rude. Just one of those things.

Astrabees · 03/04/2018 15:22

I chose not to be told the sex of either of my children from the scans. I really did find the excitement of not knowing who I would be meeting at the end of it all helped keep me going.

significantAir · 03/04/2018 15:22

Telling them you know but aren't telling is immature and attention seeking.

Selfish and dramatic too.

Not finding out is fine but knowing and keeping it secret is quite strange.

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