To not want to tell people the sex?

[Didntcomeheretofuckspiders]

I have my anomaly scan soon. DP was keen to find out the sex and whilst I initially wasn’t too bothered, I’m now looking forward to it (baby’s co-operation permitting!).

However, I don’t really want to tell anyone else until baby is here. I don’t see how it makes any difference to family/friends excitement about the baby or their treatment of him/her. I’m also keen to keep names under wraps until baby is born (as we have decided and don’t need opinions!) which I think will be easier if we don’t tell anyone what we’re having.

I have a couple of friends who are really putting the pressure on for us to tell them what we’re having. I don’t see why they need to know or how it affects them at all?! I’ve basically been accused of being selfish or dramatic for wanting DP and I to have a nice secret and something to be excited about between us. I wish I’d never mentioned that we’d decided to find out!

Okay I’m clearly being massively unreasonable, I’ll just have some lovely big tacky ‘gender’ reveal party with coloured cakes and balloons instead 🙄

Yes, because those are the ONLY two options open to you 🙄.

Yes, because those are the ONLY two options open to you

Exactly what I was going to say!

Nobody apart from you and possibly the grandparents is interested. They're just being polite.

If you're not going to tell anyone the sex personally I think you should be telling people you're not going to find out.

It is pretty attention seeking to find out and then not tell anyone.

Friends are only putting pressure on you to tell in the same way as they would if you had booked a ‘secret’ holiday but didn’t want to tell anyone where you were going.

Besides maybe grandparents, people don’t REALLY care what it is so the whole ‘we know but we don’t want to tell anyone’ just reeks of self importance and is attention seeking. Sorry!

We told people we didn't know. We told immediate family at around 30 weeks as parents were buying ridiculous amounts of yellow/green things that I hated!! Everyone else believed we didn't know.

If you're not going to tell anyone the sex personally I think you should be telling people you're not going to find out.

It is pretty attention seeking to find out and then not tell anyone.

I don't see why it's attention-seeking. And I don't think it's best to pretend you're not doing something when you are.

"We're finding out the sex of our baby but we're not going to tell anyone, so please don't ask." It's clear, and reasonable. Because it's your business, and not anyone else's.

Just say you’re not finding out. It’s really not a big deal but you seem to be trying to make it so. I’d find it a bit odd if my friends/family knew but wanted it kept secret, in truth I’d just think it was a bit attention seeking and trying to get a ‘oh come on tell us tell us’ type reaction.

Just tell them you don’t know. I think it’s a bit arsey to say “we know but we’re not telling” but a white lie saying you don’t know is fine.

People have babies all the time and most of them, unless they're your own or in your immediate family, are unremarkable and incidental. Just like yours will be to almost everyone you know. To say "We're finding out the sex of our baby but we're not going to tell anyone, so please don't ask." makes it sound a bit like the Second Coming, which clearly it isn't. Nobody cares what you are having and people probably won't remember if you do tell them.

Op, it really isnt worth the angst.

If someone asks just tell them you’ve no idea

It really is as simple as that.

Like a number of others I just said that I'd wanted to know the sex but "baby decided not to play ball, cheeky thing". I knew from the 5month (?) scan but OH wanted it to be a surprise so I had to keep it from him too.

Of course it didn't stop people doing the guessing games though on bump position, leg hair growth ( yes really) and all the other things on the internet about 'how to guess the gender of your unborn baby'.

I think it's weird too. They just want to be excited with you. Why do you feel the need to shut your friends out?

Why do you feel the need to shut your friends out?

Why on earth do you think the friends are entitled to know Mini?

There’s all sorts of things about my life I don’t tell my friends, I manage to stay friends with them nevertheless.

Being friends with someone doesn’t give them the right to all your private information.

I completely understand not wanting to reveal your name choices as everyone has an opinion. As for the gender i don’t think it’s hugely invasive for people to ask you what you are having- pretty standard question. As for “we aren’t telling”, I wouldn’t pry if I was told but but i would think wtf.
It’s not that big of a surprise to keep it a mystery, it’s one of two options and everyone will coo either way, it also won’t detract from people being excited for when he or she arrives.

If anyone asked me what we were having, I said ‘it’s a surprise’
Because it will be a surprise for them.

Technically I wasn’t lying.

Just say ‘it’s a surprise’ and change the subject.

We're finding out the sex of our baby but we're not going to tell anyone, so please don't ask." It's clear, and reasonable. Because it's your business, and not anyone else's

It's weird. It's a completely innocuous piece of information that you are telling people you are hiding from them. A piece of information they will find out anyway.

As other posters said most people wont actually care and only ask because it makes more conversation topics regarding the upcoming baby.

To clarify for OP, I don't think it's weird you don't want to tell people.

I do think it's weird you want people to know you aren't telling them.

What is the actual reason for not telling your friends OP? You've not explained that.