To be pissed off with my mother for repeatedly going on about how much prettier than me my sister is?

[mrssapphirebright]

I know ibu, and probably immature but it's finally at age 42 really got to me.
All my life I've heard how much prettier and beautiful my sister is than me. Tonight my sister has posted a pic of her and her partner and sons on FB and my mother has once again gone over the top with comments about how beautiful she is. Fwiw she never has made any comments about my looks, either to my face or in FB. To add, neither me or my sis post look at me selfies or anything to social media.
For context me and my sister get on great, no rivalry or anything. There is no bad feelings between any of us and I get on well enough with my mum. My sister isn't really even closer to her than me or anything, I'd say it's we have a similar relationship with her. She doesn't favor my sis anymore than me, in actual fact we have always joked she favors our brother more as he got away with murder when we were young.
Over the years the gushing over my sisters beauty has got to be more and more! Maybe I'm just getting older and more insecure about my looks? Maybe she's making me feel not good enough? It's really starting to sting.
I don't want a big family fall out over it, I'm 42 ffs. So I need to get a grip or do a typical MN Nc?

I hated my sister - she did nothing to earn this, but my parents said, over and over, "Yes, Susie is so pretty. Yvette is .... really clever."
Being clever wasn't valued - "Pretty is what it's about. I never met anyone who wasn't pretty who hadn't figured that out."
(Yes, I cried during A Chorus Line).

Sorry OP I know it’s not much help, but I have found this thread oddly comforting! I never realised how many other people's parents did the whole ‘you’re the clever one and she’s the pretty one’ thing

I think for my mum it stemmed from her own insecurities. She didn’t go to uni whereas my dad had multiple degrees, so whenever he and I would start talking about something ‘clever’ (like what I’d learned in science that day or whatever) she would roll her eyes and say to my sister ‘don’t worry, I don’t know what they’re talking about either, let’s talk about Eastenders instead’.

On the flip side, when I suggested I wanted to do art/dancing/acting/whatever, I would get laughed at or told not to try to take my sister’s ‘thing’.

I really do think they only wanted the best for us, but it left me with terrible self esteem issues

Yanbu . It’s probably more than the looks thing too - which is why it gets to you as you get older and wiser

You could call her on it ? Just say
‘Mum I find it really hurtful when you comment on how pretty DS is all the time and nothing about me . You have done this all my life and I am finally asking you stop
Such blatant favouritism .

See what happens . Then defriend her on Facebook too

It’s hurtful and I wouldn’t do such a thing to my kids

My DM has always had a divide and conquer approach where DSis and I are concerned.
Like yours, she had a difficult relationship with her mother and no sisters, only brothers.

She has no female friends apart from people a generation older than her that she feels are no threat to her.

She has lots of other issues and is a hugely difficult person to be close to. She is extremely ‘toxic’ and it’s weird that so much of what you say chimes with our experiences.
Your DM doesn’t sound remotely as difficult as mine - there are loads of other issues.

DSis and I were not at all close until we reconnected as independent adults.

DF died and we had to cross the world to scatter his ashes with DM, our unsuitable boyfriends, my DS1 various bonkers relatives etc.
We had a drunken, shouty, snotty row about our childhood where, of all the things we could have said - I cried about how ugly our DPs made me feel. She cried about how they made her feel stupid.

Sometimes parents get stuck in habits that started kindly - ‘isn’t mrssapphire bright.’

‘Isn’t mrsSaph’s sis pretty’,

If your DM is otherwise lovely then do gently bring it up with her. While it’s hard to articulate without feeling petty, it’s a very public statement of value and it hurts.
YANBU

I know I've always been the 'brainy one' but really I'm no more brainy than my sister, I'm possibly a bit more well read but cultured but that's due to living in several counties and reading loads of books! No differerent to the fact that my sister is not only intelligent but she's also really good at crafting and is really knowledgable about animals and the environment. We are both reasonably bright but in different ways.
Our dm doesn't see it, it's like she thinks as I earn more and have a bigger house then I am somehow cleverer!
She will compliment us both on our jobs, kids, etc but it just seems the to be the looks thing that she thinks my sister excels in.
She is also really complimentary about our brothers looks and he always gets the 'look at my handsome son' comments on FB, although to be fair he rarely posts himself so it's more pictures she has taken of the poor sod to show him off. Here's where I feel crazy as as much as I love my brother and he is a great, fun and charismatic man, objectively he is not a looker. He is quite honest about the fact that he is overweight and doesn't give two hoots about his appearance with regards to his hair/clothes etc.
I really do feel like the ugly one.

After reading some of the comments on here today I've decided to de-friend her on FB. That will cut out a lot of shit. My 16 year old ds has already mentioned before about how 'nan always goes in about how pretty auntie H is'. My dd is 14 and just got a FB account and I don't want her to see my dm's comments as being acceptable. I don't want her to think it's ok to judge people by their looks or think the comparing dc is normal and ok.

I've been messaging my dsis about it tonight too. She think it stems from our childhood whereby when I was young I was such a tomboy. Fm hated it as she longed for a little girl to play dress up with and I hated anything girly, dressy etc and preferred football kits and playing in mud! Then when my dsis came along she was the perfect girly girl, loves fluffy dresses and make up etc. But as we have got older our roles have somewhat reversed. From my late teens I started to get into make up and clothes and like I said in a pp, since my school have grown up I've had more time and money to spend on nails, hair, nice clothes etc and my job dictates that in quite polished now.
Whereas dsis feels like she's done all the make up and expensive clothes and glam stuff, she now prefers flat shoes, comfy clothes and loves hanging out in her pjs etc. She doesn't need make up as sheds naturally good looking but she def goes for a less glam look now. Dsis thinks dm misses the girly girl in her and gushes about her in the hope she'll go back to how she was.

I don't know, I just think she thinks dsis is more attractive than me really.

I was told my sister had the looks and I had the brains , I was fine until my 1st great love dumped me out of the blue, I dwelt on anything anyone said about my looks. It's only now we're in our 50s that I realised that my sister was actually jealous of my brains, as I was with her being "prettier" than me.