Sister’s behaviour around DH

[Hazandduck]

I feel bad for even typing this but I just have that niggly feeling and I don’t know how to act upon it.
Yesterday,

If you think that your sister will target your husband again, your husband needs to be prepared with an appropriate retort to nip this in the bud. It will be better coming from him so she doesn't interpret your remark as jealousy. Something along the lines of a neutral, "I don't think it is appropriate for me to comment/to do that" said in a matter of fact, assertive way. If she continues to 'flaunt' herself in a way to get attention, I would ask a third party to say something.

She is absolutely gorgeous and one of the nicest people I know who did not deserve to be left at all, her DH was just an absolute dick

She may be lovely but the way she is acting now is not. Yes, her exH was a dick, but that isn't carte blanche to make everyone around her miserable. Sorry OP but I do think you need to call her on her behaviour.

Depends if you see the BIL as pretty much a brother, rather than "a man"

I wouldn't ask my brother what I looked like in a see-through top whilst obviously adjusting my bra. Bleeugh.

My worry would be that she's going to do it to someone else's DH who may either bite and have an affair with her; or she's going to get mauled by an angry wife. I think some gentle encouragement to make her feel better about herself is far kinder than blowing up. I don't have a relationship with my sister, and I can't tell you how much I miss it. You're very lucky to all be close .

I don't really see her trying to seduce your DH from what has been said. Sometimes a man's opinion on women's clothing is different from a woman's opinion.

It does sound like she is lashing out but if this genuinely blind sided her she might feel she is doing you a favour warning you that all men could do it.

How many times have we heard on here women say there is no way my partner would ever cheat but then look how many do.

Just have a word and say you trust your dh and you find it offensive that she is starring him with the cheat brush.

I can see why your sister has changed though. You are brought up to capitulate to everyone else, to facilitate everyone else's happiness, to be the peacekeeper etc etc, and then, your husband apparently has been enjoying the benefits of your upbringing, has a lovely clean home, an attractive wife, everything, in short, due to your giving and self sacrificing nature - when he pulls the rug out from under you by sleeping with the ow and leaving you. No wonder she can't be bothered any more. Why should she? It didn't benefit her in any way. How is her Ex now? Is his life a misery? Probably not, it's probably seemingly great, at least on Facebook at any rate.
I often feel as you describe your sister, - that wake up call where you believe you've been a mug all your life and you might as well be a selfish arse like everyone else seems to be. There don't seem to be consequences for these people.
I am starting to see better in people now, but it's been a few years.

When I say 'your husband' it is a generic 'your' not the op's husband

Your sis is angry over what happened, she hasn't been able to target her anger at her ex and then move on hence targeting married men (who she feels are like her ex). She's going through stages of grief over loss of what she thought was her future, and therefore trying to rock yours a bit as a way of you getting to "see" what she is now facing and feeling. She needs help to move on and look to her new future, and she'll need support for that. I don't know if that support can be you, it may need to be someone who is not emotionally involved like a counsellor.

If she can't be happy no one can is her attitude

Your DSis is clearly still hurting.
But, trying to hurt other women in her response by contacting married men is not he answer. She's trying to prove herself by showing she can do exactly what another woman did when they took her husband - thereby validating that she is "good enough"

It's a game for her that she wants to win to prove and validate herself. I think she would be happy if your DH took the bait so you could be "in pain together".

Personally, I'd tell her to pack it in with my DH as she is embarrassing herself and that if she continues, you will not be there for her.

Also, I'd remind her of how hurt she was when she was cheated on and does SHE want to to be the cause of other people's pain? Yeah, yeah, it takes 2 to tango, but she does not have to be part of the 2.

And, if she wins the "man" from his wife, all she has won is the raffle prize that happens to be a prized shit.