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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister’s behaviour around DH

84 replies

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 08:40

I feel bad for even typing this but I just have that niggly feeling and I don’t know how to act upon it.
Yesterday,

OP posts:

Original poster

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 09:23

I also want to add I feel a bit frumpy atm any way so maybe I’m paranoid.
I told DSis after she really embarrassed DH but she just kind of laughed it off.

OP posts:

viques · 02/04/2018 09:24

too late! The OP is under the patio and husband and sister are lolling in the marital bed/bath eating her Easter chocolate.

Original poster

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 09:25

Haha laughing at the guesses! I wish it were the lizard people!

OP posts:

viques · 02/04/2018 09:26

Oops, missed the last page update.

Original poster

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 09:27

Not trying to drip feed but she has recently been messaging a man she had a crush on at her work who is married and kept saying she doesn’t owe anything to his wife, he’s the married one but the old DSis would never ever do that. It makes me so sad.
I know it is probably just a confidence boost and I am being sensitive. But she did also say when she’s shown her friends pics of this married man they all told her he looked like my DH! So is she basically telling me she fancies him??

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/04/2018 09:28

That's weird OP. Why do you think she did that to DH?

Fishface77 · 02/04/2018 09:28

She sounds awful and I’d tell her.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 02/04/2018 09:29

X post.

WashingMatilda · 02/04/2018 09:29

FOR GODS SAKE OP WE'RE DYING OVER HERE

Original poster

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 09:29

@greatduck I really don’t know! Ok it’s not just me it is weird. I don’t want to make a bigger thing of it because we are such a close knit family it would just make it so awful if I made a scene.

OP posts:

InspMorse · 02/04/2018 09:29

She's lost her way. Her confidence is rock bottom & she's making a mistake that is all too common... thinking that provocative, sexy behaviour will boost her self esteem/ get her the attention she craves.

Tell her to leave it out when visiting you & DH - her behaviour is annoying/embarrassing you both.

As for the cruel remarks about your DH doing the same as hers - just give her a WTF look every time.

WashingMatilda · 02/04/2018 09:30

Sorry, got carried away before I saw you'd updated

Eatsleepworkrepeat · 02/04/2018 09:30

Was she competitive with you when you were children? It sounds as if she's jealous of your relationship with dh, it can be hard seeing your siblings in happy relationships when yours was a disaster. Not sure what you can do, sounds like if you call her on it she'll just continue to laugh it off. If you, dh and your parents could all be open about it, e.g. Naming the behaviour at the time "ducky doesn't want to look at your bra thanks sis" this might make her stop. Mortifying for your dh though, and annoying for you!

BalloonSlayer · 02/04/2018 09:30

Seems to me she is trying to convice herself that what happened to her could happen to anyone (which it could of course) and that she could not possibly have for seen that her Ex was going to do what he did because the best guys can have their heads turned . . .

I am not explaining myself very well but perhaps she is trying to prove her "I didn't pick a wrong 'un, they are ALL like it" theory using your DH as a guinea pig.

LostInShoebiz · 02/04/2018 09:33

When you say all these men look like your DH, are they his actual doppelgänger or are they all quite generic looking men?

I ask because I think I see my DH about ten times a day but the fact is that he is a very typical looking man who has the most popular current haircut and dresses in the most popular way. He looks lovely but just not unusual so the likelihood of seeing him in other people increases. So is your sister really going for men that look like your DH or is she going for regular looking men?

LLO7 · 02/04/2018 09:35

It sounds to me like she is depressed :(

CoraPirbright · 02/04/2018 09:37

InspMorse has it spot on.

I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you have with her. If you point out to her that her behaviour is crass, will you then have a heart to heart and (hopefully) be able to help her through this or will she have a shit fit at being called out?

Or else you could just withdraw for a bit (and def withdraw access to your husband - the poor man, its not his fault!).

SeaCabbage · 02/04/2018 09:38

I know you don't want to make a scene but you can be quietly firm.

You have to challenge her otherwise she will keep doing it. She obviously can't bear that you are happy.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/04/2018 09:39

She may have been cheated on, but it doesnt give her the right to be a twat.

I was cheated on, really stamped on my little confidence, but I dont go around trying to prove that all men are cheats, because that wouldnt be true.

Tell her she behaved like a bitch and that you wont be seeing her again until she sorts her behaviour out.

Whocansay · 02/04/2018 09:39

She isn't your 'best friend' if she's doing that and would put a bit of distance between you.

If she actually managed to seduce your DH, she'd turn round and say she was doing you a favour and that she was right all along.

She sounds very bitter and pretty unpleasant to be honest. I'm a bit shocked at her attitude towards the wife of her colleague. She's been cheated on herself, so, you'd think she'd have a bit of compassion. Next time she talks about him, I would tell her she's no better than her ex.

Original poster

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 09:40

@Inspmorse I totally agree but I don’t know how to tell her that without looking like I’m just jealous. She is absolutely gorgeous and one of the nicest people I know who did not deserve to be left at all, her DH was just an absolute dick. I think she knows she is attractive she just has no faith in any relationship and I do think she wonders why DH is with me sometimes. She was always very laidback and let her DH do whatever he wanted and she did all the housework etc whereas yes I can be a bit of a demanding cow so I think she doesn’t understand what DH sees. We got together at 17 and have been together 11 years but only got married last year, she was almost exactly the same with her ex and they were separated within a year so maybe she sees my marriage as the same as hers.
No jealousy that I know of, she was my older sister and I idolised her as teens, always stealing her clothes etc. We really are very close and she has been through hell so I hate thinking this of her.

OP posts:

Gabbyleo · 02/04/2018 09:40

I don't mean to be rude but your sister is one of the worst types of women out there. All because her marriage has come crumbling down she wants to ruin everyone else's including her own sisters. How low

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 02/04/2018 09:44

She's not that nice if she's willing inflict the same kind of misery she suffered on someone else, including her own sister.

Original poster

Hazandduck · 02/04/2018 09:46

I agree with PP I do think she has some sort of depression. I think she really does just want a loving relationship.
She showed me the pic and I guess there is a likeness although I just kind of hmmed at it, tall, dark hair, kind of sharp smile. (I’m biased but I think DH is dreamy lol!)

When she told me about this man she had a crush on it was all a bit of a laugh that she wouldn’t actually pursue, she only recently told me it had moved on to messaging and she said she hadn’t wanted to tell me because she knew I’d b “judgy.” I said to her, you are not your ex or that other woman, you are a million times better than that. And she did message me when I got home and told me she wasn’t going to message him any more so I think I got through on that one. But I do feel like something in her has shifted. It makes me hate that cheating ex BIL of mine all the more!

OP posts:

Dangerousmonkey · 02/04/2018 09:51

It's not unheard of for those who have been cheated on to stop giving a flying fig for anyone else.
You can remind her she is/ was the better person. But it's a hard thing for some to toe the Line of socia l convention again when they're eyes have been opened to what most relationships are really like.

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