To tell DD that X-mas and Easter etc are not real?

[Firstimefreaked]

My DD is too young atm but I wanted to raise her with the knowledge that Santa tooth fairy etc aren't real but a big fun imaginary game everyone plays including pretending it is real (to not upset others) she won't be without but I personally don't want to convince her it's real, my DH thinks I'm being mean.

I am not against other people raising Thier own children believing in Santa doing elves etc.

I'm not sure what to do about this one either. Considering just letting other people perpetuate the idea of Santa and not confirming or denying unless asked. Never realised the Easter bunny is a thing since children believe in.

Ever watched miracle on 34th Street? I don't want to be like that little girl's mum.

Withmymummyhayton that's more what I meant when I was asking I don't want her not to have fun or upset anyone but I can't see what was wrong with everyone playing a big game I actually think it's rather fun.

Seems like your child will be the one who tell the others it isn’t real! Children aren’t great at not telling others some information they know that they think the other children don’t know!

I never felt betrayed or lied to when I discovered Santa wasn’t real. Christmas did lose a certain something when I realised he wasn’t real although I still loved it (still do!) and I’m so pleased I had those childhood magical moments.

I’ve never told DS about an Easter bunny to be fair as when I was growing up we didn’t do an Easter bunny bringing you eggs thing, we just got eggs from our family. But Santa... it’s such a short time they believe in him, is it really worth making a big deal and telling her the truth?

Also you mention it being such a faff for you before you bring in ‘an article from a psychologist’... what is a faff about it? You still have to do the presents etc. Easier just to agree with them when they talk about Santa surely. Once you say he’s not real I bet you’ll have LOADS of questions such as why do other people believe it? What else isn’t real? Why don’t we believe it? Etc etc which seems far harder than keeping up a mild pretence!

I always thought the Easter bunny was just a story or some poor person dressed up but read a few posts about children believing or expecting presents, Easter egg and maybe a egg hunt which my mum set up while I watched a kids movie was enough for me.

I snuck out of bed in the small hours of the morning to hide eggs around the garden and it was worth 15 minutes of effort for the DCs' excitement at hunting for eggs. I don't say much about the Easter Bunny but they know of it and make the inference. DS (7) is a very logical, analytical child and has begun to question the Easter Bunny and Santa, but a few nights ago, they'd snuck their light on after bed time and were plotting away, writing a list of what they wanted the bunny to give them. It was a delightful moment of childhood fantasy, and I left them to it and listened unnoticed at their door, enjoying every moment.

My 7 year old lives in a world of SATs booster classes and turning on Newsround to relentless war in Syria etc. A bit of childish fantasy is very healthy for children and a fun part of parenting. I don't go overboard with it, but a few minutes of the year spent hiding eggs or biting carrots next to the mince pie as "proof" that Santa and his reindeers have been is well worth it. There's enough dry realism and truths ad it is.

It was the psychologists article that made me question how to approach Christmas, so I spoke to my OH who said I was mean to think about pretending it's a game so I thought I'd ask her and hear other people's opinions.

Thing is First that is one psychologists article and you seem to have decided that one persons opinion/small research study is fact. It’s such a universal thing for children to believe in Santa for a few years when they are a child (which is also a time they believe in loads of things, fairies, unicorns, dinosaurs still being alive etc... it’s part of being a child and how they perceive the world) and do you think that the majority of children are growing up with serious issues around this? Like if no one believes in Santa then we can solve all adults trust issues and mental health problems in future life?

I think santa and the toothfairy are really exciting when you are little. I wouldn't tell your children until they are a bit older as it is all part of the excitement.

In recent years, more parents have started to see their children as “little adults”. It’s true that we talk to them more, and that they understand a lot. Nevertheless, they remain kids before anything else, and they want to experience moments that are full of magic and enchantment. In fact, they need to. To escape, have fun and laugh of course. But also because through imagined characters, such as Santa Claus, children learn the concepts of good and evil, how to tame their fears, put words to their emotions and find solutions to life's difficulties. It's a big step in their emotional and social development.
Are you afraid of the disillusion, the fateful moment when our children discover that it was all just a myth? How can we explain it to them? Will they resent us for it? First of all, know that you don’t need to do a big announcement. Little by little, by themselves, as they age, children will understand that it's impossible for Santa to deliver everyone gifts. They will ask you questions. Probably THE question: “Does Santa exist?” The best advice I can give you is to answer: “ What do you think?” It will break the ice and allow you to see where they standin their understanding of things. The rest will come naturally.

Sparkling I get round the many Santa’s issue by saying they are Santa’s representatives.

It’s a teeny bit possible I still believe in the fella in red

That's a good one TSS.

My DD is 16 now and she managed to grow up quite happily without elves on shelves or Easter bunnies, but she did believe in Father Christmas, in exactly the same way as she enjoyed Thomas the Tank Engine, Winnie the Pooh and the story books we read to her each day. Elves on shelves and Easter bunnies are new fangled rubbish, which seem to thrive on MN and social media, but I've never met anyone in real life who goes to any length about them.

One 5 year old at infant school told her entire class that Santa didn't exist. She knew this because her mummy has promised never to lie to her. I think the rest of the class paid attention for about 10 seconds, then got back to whatever they were doing at the time. They all believed in the fairy tale for as long as they wanted to without adults ruining it for them. Life is grim enough, so let your DC drive things at their own pace. Nobody makes you elaborate the stories in the way some feel they need to.

Frankly I think it’s likely that be a lot harder work not to go with the flow. As PP have said, it’s not malicious lies. Not kid was ever fucked up for life upon the realisation Santa’s not real. But if there’s 30 5yo kids in a class all super-psyched for his arrival, it’s a bit of a shame if the one with the fun-sponge mother is sitting bag there without a clue what all the fuss is about.

I never understand this. Have you seen the face of a young child light up when they think the reindeer has eaten the carrot and Santa has drank his whisky/milk/beer? It's magical.

They won't be scarred by later learning it's not real. It's childhood.

Reading fiction, watching movies, TV shows, going to the theatre - so much magic comes from 'made up' stuff - why not?

It's people's imaginations creating humour, love, entertainment.

The world will be queueing up to tread on her fingers soon enough. They are soon grown up and mired in exams, friendship woes etc. The magic, excitement and wonder of Santa in particular is something they will remember all their lives, long after they know he’s not real. I honestly don’t see what’s wrong with the tradition. I’m Jewish and my parents still did Santa. I’m
In my late 50s and still think back to how I’d run into their room saying “He’s been “ 😀.

I believed until I was 13. I'll say one thing though. Once I found out for definite. Christmas was never the same after that.
I was a very young 13 though. I was still playing with my dolls.

Is it because you can't be bothered with it. Is that what you mean by a lot of faff?

If you want to take away that innocent magic from your child go right ahead. Yours will be that child telling all the other kids it's not real and trying to ruin their magic so that they don't feel left out.

There isn't many things in the world we can make magical for our children and leave them with an immense sense of wonder. I'd personally never take that away purposely from a child.

Agree totally with foodie! It is magical to see children's faces when they are so excited. And to be honest, at Christmas as a mum, I am so super excited on Christmas eve, setting everything up; once they find out that magic part of Christmas goes too.
I think the world is full of so much rubbish that they will have to deal with, that this bit of magic for them is wonderful.
I would like to counter your psychologist's research with my own: Every single person I know grew up believing. Not one single person I know feels betrayed by the 'lie'. Every single person I know loves the magic of Christmas.

We do have the Easter bunny too, but that's a thing from our culture.

"There isnt many things in the world that we can make magical for our children."

This. A quadrillion times over.

That's how my children were brought up, OP, and neither has suffered any ill effects as a result! They are both parents themselves now and, although they currently play along with the Father Christmas, tooth fairy etc their intention is to tell their children the truth as soon as they ask a direct question like "is father Christmas real"? The eldest (aged 6) has already worked it out.

As we always travel around Xmas we have had several smaller celebrations and different countries (i.e. Pressies at home, then on Xmas eve one year, stockings and Christmas Day the next and later with other grandparents) added to that a child who is absolutely petrified of adults dressed up in costumes and she was massively relived to find out that it was her parents not some stranger in weird clothes coming into her room

It doesn't stop her enjoyment of magic in life, kids make their own magic in everything they do ignoring expensive presents for bits of wrapping paper

We have been very careful to discuss being kind and not letting other kids know though

I think it would be more stressful to not do the Santa thing. In the run up to Christmas, literally every adult my DCs speak to ask them "What's Santa bringing you?"

You don't have to do the elf on the shelf thing, I never did and I won't be starting it, it's ridiculous. A glass of milk, mince pie and a carrot...that's it, possibly some reindeer dust out front.

OP your subject line is weird.

Xmas and Easter do exist; they are important dates in Christians' calendar.

If you are not Christians, fair enough, but your DD deserves to have the choice as she gets older.

If you mean that 'Santa' and the Easter Bunny are not real that is another issue.

You don't have to 'sell' Easter around the Easter Bunny. My DCs were never 'sold' the Easter Bunny and knew from the start it was a bit of fun.

If those are your beliefs that’s fine. But don’t be a hypocritic - don’t buy and accept presents at Christmas, don’t buy and eat Easter eggs.

I don't like this Easter bunny nonsense. Dc know that mummy and daddy buy them an Easter egg.

I don't mention tooth fairy. I say if you put your tooth under the pillow you get a pound.

Santa is not really mentioned. But he leaves a cheap wrapped chocolate box type present. Stocking is filled with little treats and aftershave, bits and bobs. By mummy. Main presents are bought by mummy and daddy and are under the tree. With 8 presents or cards with a tenner in, from aunties and uncles, grandmas.

No lying. But no destroying the magic.
This all works ok for us. Not suggesting it to anyone else, just saying what we do.

I buy it all. And I want to be given the credit for it. Rather than lying about made up bunnies/fairy's/man who drives a sledge in the sky visiting every single house in the world in one night.