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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DD that X-mas and Easter etc are not real?

89 replies

Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 12:17

My DD is too young atm but I wanted to raise her with the knowledge that Santa tooth fairy etc aren't real but a big fun imaginary game everyone plays including pretending it is real (to not upset others) she won't be without but I personally don't want to convince her it's real, my DH thinks I'm being mean.

I am not against other people raising Thier own children believing in Santa doing elves etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 12:59

I wouldn't think I was morally superior at all. It seems like a lot of faff and the expectations of making or facilitating a child to believe in these things seems incredibly stressful. I read a article by a psychologist saying that children can feel betrayed and lied to when they find out it's not real. The only reason I'm considering telling her it's a big fun make believe game is because my sister had a intense relationship with her tooth fairy (sending notes etc) and the tooth fairy had to be moved....isn't there always a kid who says it's not real anyway?

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Sparklingbrook · 01/04/2018 13:00

The Santa stuff when they were very little was lovely. I think by the time they get to school age the trying to hide the presents and get them out on Christmas Eve without waking them was a bit of a PITA.
Trying to perpetuate the story got increasingly difficult.

TSSDNCOP · 01/04/2018 13:01

I read a article by a psychologist saying that children can feel betrayed and lied to when they find out it's not real.

Not really, I don’t not know a single child or adult that feels this way, do you really? They just grow up.

whoareyoukidding · 01/04/2018 13:01

YANBU about santa etc but I think it equally important to explain that they are Christian festivals and very real in this sense to many people.

TSSDNCOP · 01/04/2018 13:03

My real problem is the bankruptcy of Toys r Us which I have always said is a Santa refuelling depot. Then again at 50 years old, I’m going to Lapland at Christmas.

Bluelady · 01/04/2018 13:03

No there isn't always a kid who says it's not real. Obviously they suss it at different points but usually parents ask their children to keep the pretence going for younger ones. Your child will be too young to understand that until they're about seven or eight. I think you're a killjoy and a lazy, selfish one at that.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/04/2018 13:05

It's up to you what you do with your child, but your DH needs to be on board too - should have been a joint decision. And yes to making sure that your precociously knowledgable DD keeps that info to herself!

I was never brought up with the Easter Bunny but American films and now living in Australia has changed all that - it's big here. So I do an Easter egg hunt for the children but I'm far less careful about the Easter Bunny than I am about Father Christmas.

I did have to explain to the boys today why the Ice Age Eggscapade was the biggest load of bollocks EVER though - it was too much for me. Easter Grin

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 13:05

DD is my first so it's interesting hearing your views, children don't seem to lack wonder knowing the Easter bunny is a story. And when I come across an ugly baby (a rarity lol) my answer was wow he has his fathers nose or focus on individual good points.

OP posts:
Sprinklesinmyelbow · 01/04/2018 13:05

It’s not exactly that much bother is it? Do you always want to easiest way out of everything? What’s so hard about visiting Father Christmas once a year?

FuckingMerlot · 01/04/2018 13:05

If there is a kid who ruins it for others and says it's not real, it will be your kid

DearMrDilkington · 01/04/2018 13:07

I read a article by a psychologist saying that children can feel betrayed and lied to when they find out it's not real.

What a load of bollocks.

Wildlady · 01/04/2018 13:10

YABU. Christmas and Easter do exist.

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 13:11

What age did you find children start questioning wether it's real? Maybe we could discuss speaking about how it's a game about 6? And about me being lazy no I don't really fancy doing santas foot prints leaving half eaten carrots outside, moving a elf around the house doing different activities. I know a lot of people who go OTT and are already planing for this year.

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Sprinklesinmyelbow · 01/04/2018 13:12

Why would you have to do all that? Don’t you understand that you only need to do what you want to? How bizarre to think that unless you do all that you have to tell your children there is no Father Christmas!

Ohyesiam · 01/04/2018 13:13

We never did Santa as real, or the whole be good for Santa thing.
We just presented it as a fun thing that happened, never asked them to believe in anything.
They are 11 and 13 now and still love their stockings.

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 13:14

Never even considered visiting Santa lol guess coz we never did as kids I don't think they do that here.

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Sirzy · 01/04/2018 13:14

We do a mince pie and a drink that’s all. You don’t need to make a massive fuss. The good thing about Santa is it’s a personal thing to each family some people make much more fuss than others

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 01/04/2018 13:15

I think if a child truly feels betrayed and lied to there's a hell of a lot more going on than a harmless story about a fat bloke in red giving them toys Hmm.

People can decide for themselves what to do but I do think it's a bit joyless to decide you're doing Christmas but not going to allow your dc to believe in the stories that tend to go hand in hand with that. If you live in a culture where the majority do indulge in the Santa/FC story it's probably a lot more effort to avoid it than play along.

BackforGood · 01/04/2018 13:15

YABU to tell them that Christmas and Easter aren't real, as they are. Yet you are saying you don't want to lie to them Confused

Isn't there always a kid who says it's not real anyway?

.... so you want your dc to be that kid ?

Sparklingbrook · 01/04/2018 13:15

Elf on the Shelf is all a bit odd so no need to do that. I don't know anyone in RL who has done or does it.

IIRC you just leave a glass of milk and a mince pie and a whole carrot. then before bed drink the milk, eat the mince pie leaving crumbs and chop a bit of carrot off. That's about it really.

No need to chuck flour on the carpet or put 'reindeer food' outside.

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 13:16

Ohyesiam Did you have any problems with other children? I don't want to upset other parents or kids.

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withmymummyhaton · 01/04/2018 13:17

I never believed in Santa; I always knew it was just a fun story. Didn't spoil Christmas in the slightest -- I still find it a wonderful time of year!

Our now 5 year old was so terrified of seeing Santas when she was 2 that we explained that Santa was just pretend (she was petrified about him coming in her house). She and her 3 year old brother love Christmas and are fine with it just being "a fun story".

We have explained that other children will believe it's true, and to not tell them that Santa is pretend.

They enjoy it as a story (we put out the mince pie, carrot, etc, on Christmas Eve, and on Christmas morning they accurately! guess that Dad ate the mince pie) ... they like the sense of being collaborators in the story with us.

Someone asked me once "why wouldn't you want them to believe for as long as possible?"

Because if they DID believe for "as long as possible", that'd be well after many friends had figured out The Truth. Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to be 10 or 11 and insisting that Santa was still real, in front of your eye-rolling friends?

You're not lazy, it just seems ridiculous to go to all that trouble to keep up a complete fiction, doesn't it?!

Sparklingbrook · 01/04/2018 13:17

I found visiting Santa a bit hit and miss. We did one once (steam train) and it was totally obvious to all there was more than one Santa.
The one asked DS2 which school he went to and started talking to us about a relative's child who went there. Hmm

Original poster
Firstimefreaked · 01/04/2018 13:18

I'm not planing on cancelling these things just having it as more as a game than truth. I know too many people who did the elf on the shelf grown woman stressing and begging for them as the shop had sold out.

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withmymummyhaton · 01/04/2018 13:20

Also, while I am (if anything!) over-sensitive to what others think and not upsetting them ... I honestly cannot take it on as my responsibility to maintain a fiction that they've decided to perpetuate with their own children.

I tell mine NOT to tell other children that Santa is pretend, but I can't be certain they'll NEVER breath a word of the truth!

It seems just a little precious of other parents to expect that I would keep up a complete fiction (one that was terrifying my children to boot) in order to aid them in keeping it up with their kids.