To not be designated driver for my entire pregnancy

[BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy]

I'm pregnant and not drinking.

DP and I have met up with friends/family recently for drinks. E.g. I drove yesterday to the pub, DP and his family had drinks over a few hours. They got a bit merry and tbh I was pretty bored by the end of it but I sucked it up as it's not a regular occasion.

Today we are going to a restaurant for what will be a boozy lunch with other family and already the expectation is oh Biscay will drive us all as she's not drinking anyway. I pointed out to DP that this is what happened yesterday and it's not particularly fun to watch other people drink (not steaming drunk but more more than 1 or 2 drinks) when you're the only sober one and would he mind driving today? He says it's fine and of course he will drive but now I'm worried IABU and miserable asking him not to drink either.

I'm not expecting anyone to stop drinking and having a good time because a pregnant woman is with them or DP to abstain from alcohol throughout my pregnancy. Just wondered if IABU to sometimes expect DP to drive and not drink also so there is someone else on my sober level. Or AIBU and unnecessarily ruining his fun?

You tally up all the journeys you do and exchange them for lie ins when the baby arrives!

What's your problem with driving? Do you expect him to not drink just because you're not? Can't see the problem tbh.

I don't think it's unreasonable as such. If you don't want to then you don't have to. If you DH isnt that bothered then it's not an issue?

I was des loads in pregnancy as it didn't bother me and I always appreciate it when other people drive and I drink. That said I would always say I'm happy to drive but I'm not staying out late so take it or leave it.

Your are unreasonable

Do what April says. Annoyed I didn't

I don't have a problem with driving. Just not sure whether it should be my sole responsibility.

I also don't expect DP not to drink because I'm not. Just maybe some of the time.

I'm 37 weeks and I'm always des! Just think you have 9 months worth of him driving when you want to have a drink once the baby is here..

April's idea is well worth considering!

We are TTC at the moment and have already discussed that I won't be doing all the driving if we are lucky enough to conceive. I will do more than I usually would, of course, but not constantly. DH is totally fine with that. I find driving quite stressful, though I always make sure I do my share. No great desire to do a load more to be honest!

YABU but nothing wrong with suggesting that your DP drives to the destination and you drive home. That way you only o half the driving but he still gets to drink. It would be mean to stop other people drinking just because you can’t.

I think you're okay op. You don't expect him to give up alcohol but you would like him to share the driving and stay sober on occasion.

Fwiw I wouldn't do all of the driving throughout your pregnancy and expect to be paid back for it with anything. This may lead to resentment later on.

Also it's important to remember that there will be lifestyle changes for both you and your dh once your baby is here. He needs to practice going for a non-boozy lunch.

I also don't expect DP not to drink because I'm not. Just maybe some of the time

😂. You can’t have it both ways. Either you mind or you don’t. It sounds like you mind to me.

If it’s every weekend, fair enough. If it’s juts a few events, I feel you are being a bit unreasonable. When you’re not pregnant if it’s sonething you would usually share, and he’s not drinking to extreme excess, juts more than the prescribed limit, I don’t really see why it’s a problem. I was designated driver and didn’t think it an issue, but if you see it differently, then that’s your perogitive

I think that the problem here is the expectation that the OP will drive, purely because she is pregnant and not drinking.

It’s rude to expect that, and in her shoes I would do the same as she has.

hear hear to april's idea.

As I said in my OP, I'm not talking about stopping other people drinking at all - only DP sometimes.

I'm liking the idea of banking the driving for after the baby is here.

Fully prepared to accept IABU though - I just can't tell through my hormone muddled brain.

It's a bit petty really OP.

If you can't do what you want then you don't want your DH to do it either.

The driving is a separate issue though.

You shouldn't be expected to act as taxi driver to all the others.

Watching other people getting pissed when you are pregnant & having to stay longer at events than you want because of same people wanting to stay for just 1 more sucks so yanbu. However if you are going and not drinking why wouldn't you.

Suggest you set precedent now otherwise you will be doing it for whole pregnancy.
Why not drive with the agreement that when you are ready to leave you will do, anyone is welcome to a lift at that point but otherwise they are responsible for their own transport.

It really wouldnt bother me (and didnt) doing all the driving when pg but I was very firm with leaving times. So once I was done/tired people either left with me then or stayed and taxied home.

I never gave it a seconds thought throughout any of my pregnancies . Not that my DH does much drinking anyway and in the last pg so much as the smell of booze made me barf.

I can't get why you're worked up OP but there were plenty of things that really got to me when pg that make little sense now I look back.

I think as you can’t drink anyway, you’d be mean not to drive. I know it’s a pain but hey ho it’s nine months and then he pays you back for the next ten years.

If you were driving out to the pub every single day, maybe you’d have a point about feeling put upon. Doesn’t sound like that’s the case.

When I was regent, it wasn't the expecting to be the designated driver that annoyed me, it was dealing with the drunk people who think they are funny whilst I was stone cold sober, combined with DH always wanting "just one more drink" that always took about 2 more hours. I was fed up hanging around around hired and tired whilst he had a high old time. I was also (in pregnancy 2 and 3) fielding bored children who had had enough as well.

Eventually, I said, I will drive, but when the children and I are ready to leave, you can either come with us, I'd stag and get yourself home.

Miraculously, once he realised I meant it, he usually left with little complaint. He whinged a bit, but, why should I deal with drunk husband and whingey kids because I am the pregnant one?

Being hospitalised and not allowed to travel was a godsend

As a side note, when I read these threads I do often wonder if people fully expect their drinking partner to fully change into a rarely drinking partner once their baby arrives. Surely changes happen gradually rather than having a 8 month long blow out then suddenly becoming almost teetotal.

As your not drinking anyway then it makes sense for you to drive (for as long as your comfy to drive obviously) it seems a bit petty to tell someone else they can’t drink.