To think at least one of my friends could have rung me?

[Ihaveareallyoldpairofknickers]

My friends know that I go quiet when I’m unhappy and not one of them has contacted me to check I’m ok. It’s been almost 2 months and wouldn’t have heard from them at all if it hadn’t been for my birthday. I have history of multiple suicide attempts and they know I’m feeling like this at the moment. I’ve posted some poems on FB about how I’m feeling at the moment and not had one response. So I’m feeling totally shit. I’m meant to be meeting some of them next week and I’m not sure if I can face them. I was meant to meet one of them for my birthday but because I wasn’t feeling very good he suggested another time and haven’t heard anything since.

OP you are putting too much energy into focusing on what your friends "aren't doing". This is not helping your mental health.

I echo other posters in that it is draining supporting someone going through mental health issues. It's actually really hard. Friends should lend a shoulder to cry on. be there for one another etc. but it seems yours goes beyond that and instead you need professional help.

Have you checked on them? They could be working through their own things as well.

Yes stop with the FB posts. Perhaps this isn't your intention but it does seem rather attention seeking. Perhaps your friends feel undervalued and disappointed that you don't just ring them up and talk through things, and instead post it for everyone to see...

Please do get some proper health. Stop overthinking things. Stop expecting so much. Go on your night out and have a bloody great time

Ive reported the two nasty posts on here.

OP, I hope you are ok

I had lots to say, but it's all been said better by pps. Just to add, not saying this to be horrible, but you are putting a LOT of responsibility on your friends. More than most would ask for or expect. That kind of responsibility is scary if you don't have professional training. It's probably scary if you DO. But if you are a professional and you get it wrong, you don't have to live with the consequences in the same way as you would with a friend.

So please be kind to your friends and understand they'd probably love to help and support you, but feel woefully inadequate to do so.

Try and keep strong.

And please seek professional help.

Lots of love to you X

OP come back to the thread to show you are ok.

I know pp have explained it can be hard on your friends, You do need to boost your self esteem. I know irs hard to drag yourself out of depression but trying to think positive will work. A good book choice theory is worth the read if things are quiet why not.

None of them will know that the others haven’t contacted you so they may be assuming you’re getting help from other friends. Plus they might think you want to be left alone.

Just text one of them and say you’re down and could they please come see you to cheer you up.

Everyone is busy. Life goes by fast when you’re busy. I have friends I know I’ve left it a bit long with but I’m trying to sort out my own MH and balance my life. If you want to catch up or talk then contact them ... don’t expect them to read minds. Don’t be sly and honk everyone is monitoring your SM activity.
I’m sorry for your situation and know it is hard but everyone else has a rich and scary interior mind too and you’re not always the priority in their lives ( and so you shouldn’t be , you’re a lovely friend not their mum or partner).
Call them.

I’ve posted some poems on FB about how I’m feeling at the moment and not had one response.

I've deleted my Facebook and no one has bothered asking why.

why, do people really act out on facebook like this as a way of getting attention?

I probably see less than 10% of what my friends post of face book, I would never waste 2 seconds of my life reading a poem on face book, nor would I even register it if a friend deleted their face book page.

what a weird, dramatic, attention seeking and totally ineffective way of communicating. Why don't you ring someone?

My friends know that I go quiet when I’m unhappy and not one of them has contacted me to check I’m ok. It’s been almost 2 months

I just don't get this either. i have many close friends but I don't take some sort of register in my head to check I've heard from them all every two months. People have lives!

It's hard OP but your friends have their own stuff too. Do you know how they are, whether they are going through their own hardships and upsets? Are you there for them the same you need them to be there for you?

I have been a bit like you, OP. Depression is such a self-centred illness, it never even crosses one's mind when in the throes of it that others could be going through a rough time too.

That kind of responsibility is scary if you don't have professional training. It's probably scary if you DO. But if you are a professional and you get it wrong, you don't have to live with the consequences in the same way as you would with a friend

Professionals know that someone else’s mental health and decisions are not their responsibility. They may be concerned about them & want to provide support to get them back to functioning well but they won’t see it as getting it ‘wrong’.

It’s true of friends as well. They are not responsible for your MH OP. I can understand it’s hard but you must make sure you seek direct support for MH from professionals. Friends have a different role in life; to hang out with, have fun with, yes be a shoulder to cry on and yes talk through issues but their capacity for that will vary. I’ve always been a shoulder to cry/ place to talk issues for some friends but my capacity to do that is very limited at the moment because of very significant stresses in my own life.

It’s not your friends responsibility to check how often you post on Facebook. I do keep an eye on a twitter stream of an ex friend (she has significant issues and has isolated herself from everyone) and did phone the police when she tweeted that she’d attempted suicide. I don’t have any other contact because she won’t engage with MH services and if I tried to contact her she would accuse me of something delusional. Do I care about her? Yes, but it’s not possible to have a friendship or even any contact at this moment - she’s not well enough. I feel sad for her. Do I feel responsible for her? No.

Make sure you are getting that professional help before you spiral down further OP.

Im sorry you are low. Its very hard having an ill friend, more so if you are putting things on fb as they may feel its passive aggressive or attention seeking.

I know when you are in that dark place though op because it is and has been me as well. You get isolated and resentful and see them as self absorbed though actually we are self absorbed as we arent considering what they could be going through. One friend didnt tell me about her baby loss for a long time because thats how i was too.

You need to text or call directly and also get professional help. Even if they were the best friends in the world or real martyrs, they cant help you as much as you will want or need.

Would it help to talk here about how you are feeling?

I agree with Devlish. You need professional help and you must accept that your MH is your responsibility. Your friends may not be able to cope with the situation. That doesn't mean they don't care.
If you've attempted suicide before you know the number of the crisis team. Call it.

It annoys the he'll out of me when my friends do this pa stuff on Facebook, I just see it as attention seeking. I get way more worried if they don't post anything!

I'm sorry you're feeling rough, but the best way is to actually ask for help, or a Hand hold, or a meet up. People are not mind readers and sometimes you have to take responsibility for yourself and ask for what you need. I hope that you can do this for yourself and contact your friends directly.

Wow I post a few words and some of you feel you can judge me. I am not attention seeking. I have BPD and find it very hard to communicate, my friends know this. I’m very close with some of them, so know them pretty well and what they are going through. I know they do care and I’m not expecting professional help from them, just a call, message or text from at least one of them. How is posting how you feel asking for help, cryptic? No wonder there is such as stigma around suicide if people think it is attention seeking. I’m glad I failed and I’m still here, it’s not much fun feeling like this.
No MidniteScribbler I don’t expect them to run after me and talk just about me!
Maddening I would hate it if everyone’s life was about me!
ImTakingTheEssence not similar.
TemptressofWaikiki I find it hard to ‘grow up’ as the shock of watching my father die as a child has not left me and is still stuck in my body.
MeltSnow they know I have family who don’t really help.
Thank you to everyone who posted kind things and to those who have lost people.

How is posting how you feel asking for help, cryptic?
It's not, if you post exactly that "feeling bad, asking for help". A poem is cryptic at best, and as posters already told you, likely to be ignored.

likely to be ignored ignored, yes, if it is even noticed or read, which I would think unlikely in the first place

Text them op. By posting you have no idea they have even seen your wall. Its not an effective way to ask for help as not everyone looks at fb every day and things last a max of 24 hours on an update wall. Plus if they have a lot of updstes they may just scan.

Its like shouting into the wind. Some may hear, but largely the volume drowns it out.

If you know they care then either they arent seeing your message or they have more going on then you know about. I would have said i 100% knew my friends too but that doesnt mean you do- people hide things, especially when they are struggling and if they know you are struggling.

I hope you get help soon and can talk to them.

Happy Easter 🐣 by the way. I hope you all have a lovely day

Pick up the phone and ask for some company as you "need cheering up"
Also bare in mind that although your friends will probably want to be there for you, it's important not to talk about your problems too much of the time. That can get very wearing and if you've done this in the past, your cryptic fb messages might stop them contacting you because they feel overwhelmed with the responsibility.
Why not suggest an activity or a meet up where there is an opportunity to talk about your problems, but also remember to ask them about themselves and talk about/do other things. Bare in mind that although your problems consume you 100% of your time, nobody else can, or will want to, devote as much attention to it as you will. It can be very draining and as pps have said, they have their own problems/issues to contend with. Use them to distract you, do something different with them and give you support, but don't depend on them. The less you ask of them, the more likely they are to give. They've got to get something out of the interaction too if you want them there in the future.

Hope that doesn't sound harsh but neediness is off putting and I do want you to get the support you need, but most of that might have to be via the doctor or counselors, rather than your friends.

If you have BPD then you'll know that you read too much negativity into things when it comes to friendships and relationships.

Having BPD is hard. Having a friend or loved one with BPD is hard. Most people hate the cryptic FB posts, it's much easier for everyone involved if you actually contact a friend directly rather than count the days you haven't been contacted and see their lack of response to poems as false confirmation that no-one cares.

I’m sorry you’re going through a bad time OP. But, people are busy and have their own stuff going on. If you need support, text one of your friends and say ‘I’m feeling low. Can we please meet for a chat’. You need to communicate what you need rather than expecting people to guess - because they won’t.

I hope you're ok today, OP.

I woke up this morning thinking of you.

They could be fairweather ‘friends’ who only want to be around you in the good times.There is a lot of those about! Please get counselling so you have the support you need.

Go on, give one of them a call.
They don’t really know how you’re feeling from a couple of poems on Fb, I scroll by anything like that and to be honest I think many people do.

They might be fairweather friends or they might just be friends who aren't viewing things in the same way as the OP.

She says she goes quiet when she's feeling low and wouldn't have heard from them for 2 months apartfrom it was her birthday - suggesting she did have contact then. At least one person wanted to meet up with her recently and she said no and there's a meet up next week but she's not sure she wants to go. So she is getting birthday contact and offers to meet up.

Going 'quiet' obviously doesn't mean not posting poems on FB to the OP. So they know she's checking and posting on FB.

The OP seems to want something that her friends aren't already providing but she doesn't want to tell them what it is so sets them up to fail by not being open but posting vague poems with the intention that they'll react and when they don't (as most people wouldn't) she views that as confirmation they don't care. Which is what the BPD part of her wants to happen.

With the implied notion that as she's tried to take her own life before, it is somehow her friends responsibility to possibly prevent this happening again or to be particularly paying attention to how much contact they have with her or how they respond to her FB posts.

And it isn't their responsibility.