To think at least one of my friends could have rung me?

[Ihaveareallyoldpairofknickers]

My friends know that I go quiet when I’m unhappy and not one of them has contacted me to check I’m ok. It’s been almost 2 months and wouldn’t have heard from them at all if it hadn’t been for my birthday. I have history of multiple suicide attempts and they know I’m feeling like this at the moment. I’ve posted some poems on FB about how I’m feeling at the moment and not had one response. So I’m feeling totally shit. I’m meant to be meeting some of them next week and I’m not sure if I can face them. I was meant to meet one of them for my birthday but because I wasn’t feeling very good he suggested another time and haven’t heard anything since.

i have honestly struggled with this one as my husband went though the same and i found it ever so hard to forgive him.We are not mind readers
people in general are soo busy these days .
For us his mum had breast cancer and he simply couldn't cope he was suicidal had to be admitted and is being watched by a pcn because he was a danger to himself and others.
please talk to someone
samaritans
breathing space
anyone

I'm sorry to hear your feeling down. You are not alone. I've deleted my Facebook and no one has bothered asking why.
I haven't seen anyone for two weeks with feeling unwell and low and only one person has stayed in contact. I think people just don't know how to help people when they are depressed and it's such a difficult thing because it's when you need people the most xx

You say they haven't contacted you, but you haven't contacted them either. Do you ever send them a text to ask how they are doing, or do you always expect them to run after you and talking just about how you are feeling?

Sorry, but you’ve posted on facebook about how you’re feeling but haven’t text them. I know what I would think. If you can post on fb and mumsnet you could text them.

Firstly, don't rely on Facebook. I don't know what they've done to it, but stuff in my newsfeed is no longer in any logical sort of order - I often see things at the top of my newsfeed a couple of days after they were posted.

Secondly, whilst you genuinely have my sympathy for having MH problems, I can tell you from first-hand experience that it is unbelievably hard and draining to try and support someone who has suicidal thoughts. Maybe they are all needing to put themselves first and take care of their own mental health. Don't resent them for that - if they don't do it, they won't have the strength to support you in the future.

I'm sorry to sound harsh, but I've got a couple of friends that post these little poems & I've ended up unfollowing them, much like I do with people that post anything starting with "I know not all of my friends will share this...."

Facebook is for inane drivel & fun - it's not for life or death matters or things that would be better dealt with by picking up the phone.

Why are you waiting for them to make the first move? Why not arrange an evening out with one, or invite one over for tea?

Honestly? You need professional help - are you getting any? Friends are not therapists - if they have their own issues as well (& most people do at some stage) they may not have the energy for your needs.

Arrange to meet your friends for a pick me up sometime. Preferably not involving alcohol. Go and do and activity together (horse riding? Surfing? Theatre? Cinema? Shopping? Theme park? Anything really). It will allow you to reconnect without pressure and give them a bit of confidence that they don’t have to say the right thing all the time.

I know it sounds trite - you do need to get professional help for your MH problems, just try and separate that from your friendships.

People are busy with lives, jobs, their own shit - have you been checking of they're OK?

If you are feeling suicidal then you need professional help. You cannot consistently expect your friends to provide this - everyone's life shouldn't be about you - it's great if a friend can be there for you and they obviously have been but sometimes they may not have time or emotional energy to do so and I would not blow my friendships because they are busy - it is a two way street.

You have obviously recognised that you are down at the moment so address it - with any coping mechanisms you have gained from any previous counselling or mh treatment you have had or by seeking appropriate help.

You do need a new technique to attract your friends attention. Take care, and ask for companionship in a more direct manner.

Message your friends . I’m sorry you’re not in a good place but posting poems on Facebook is not the way to go about getting support .

Sorry you are feeling low. You need professional help - your friends probably have busy lives and it’s unrealistic to expect them to pick up on cryptic poems and radio silence. Sorry to be harsh, but to give you feedback which might help: I would find poems irritating.
I hope you find the support you want.

Thins is your depression at work here. I used to get like this too and it would withdraw into my shell then get resentful about friends not recognising I was absent from their lives and contacting me. I would take it personally and decide I was done with friendships and isolate myself even more and the cycle continued.

The reality is that everyone is fighting their own battle. While you’re fighting yours, everyone else is trying to navigate their way through their own trials and tribulations. It isn’t that everyone has gotten together and had a chat and decide to ignore you. It’s not even about you. (Sorry) they’re just getting on with life. If you want people in your life then you have to make that happen. Again, sorry, because I know you’re feeling hurt but this is me being straight with you from the perspective of having been exactly where you are. These thoughts aren’t helping you, they’re pushing you further into depression. Your friends do still care. Trust me. Reach out to them, arrange to meet up and tell them how much you’re struggling right now. But the onus is on you to maintain your own social life. You can’t lay that at everyone else’s door. You’ve withdrawn. Not them. You. And yes, as a result of illness, but that still isn’t their fault. Don’t post attention seeky posts on FB then sulk when no-one responds. If you want to speak to people then pick up the phone and ring them. It’s that simple. It’s in your control.

It's hard OP but your friends have their own stuff too. Do you know how they are, whether they are going through their own hardships and upsets? Are you there for them the same you need them to be there for you?

TemptressofWaikiki. Your post is really unpleasant. Other posters have said similar but have managed to do it with some tact and sympathy. Do you treat people like that in real life?

OP, I agree with most other posters in that posting cryptic poems on Facebook isn’t a good idea. They are annoying and it’s possible that your friends have already blocked your posts. I’d agree with others that you contact your friends in a more direct and straightforward way. I also hope that you are gettin* professional help.

I have a mate with bad MH.

Your post has just reminded me to message her on FB with some inane chat by way of checking in with her.

But I will say if she started posting poems I’d probably ignore. Not oust of nastiness, but FB poems are like greetings card verse. Who reads that stuff anyway?

OP, have you got a family? Might your friends think that your family will be about to help you if you are struggling?

Maybe some of your friends are going through a hard time as well? And don’t have the energy to reach out at the moment?

Also cryptic poems on Facebook do come across as attention seeking rather then you need help.

Maybe contact a friend and get the ball rolling meet up properly and discuss your problems.

I'm sorry you feel so low , you need to get help from the professionals. Your friends are your friends , they are not equipped to deal with someone with such severe depression ( not sure if that's your diagnosis but you have mentioned suicide attempts) and may well feel out of their depth when you feel this way.

If you can post poems on FB then you can certainly send them a text.
Hope you feel better soon .

I’m sorry you are feeling like this.
Sometimes people are feeling low and just need reassurance that their friends or family care about them.
In order to prove that they do is to pull back & hope someone will notice. If they don’t it reinforces the belief “see I knew they didn’t care”.
In truth life is complicated for everyone & it’s hard to tell who is struggling or not these days.
If you feel bad I hope you feel comfortable to tell your friends when you see them next time xxx

Why not just pick up the phone and call them?

Waiting for people to notice you've gone quiet is passive behaviour and can annoy people.

I have a friend with MH issues. I have a reminder in my diary to contact her every two months, as when she’s low she won’t contact me. If I’m really busy the week the reminder appears

Oops
If I’m really busy the day/week the reminder appears and I forget, I will often then not remember until the next reminder comes up. We don’t live near each other any more and no longer work together, so she’s not in my day to day thoughts. I have kids, a job, pets, lots of day to day business.
But if she contacted me and said she needed me, I’d be there like a shot. I try to be a good friend, but sometimes I need a prod. Maybe your friends are similar?

I have a co worker like this but she is very attention seeking. I dont actually know what she wants. Which i get the impression from you that its a similar situation. Daily posts about depression and how she feels left out. I did contact her asked how she is and if she wanted to go out which she kind of fobbed me off. I got the impression of why bother I feel like i'm not good enough for her as she zeros in on other co workers trying to get attention from them if they plan things without her . What do you actually want your friends to do if you dont contact them?