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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude to ask someone how much rent they pay?

62 replies

Notalo · 30/03/2018 21:39

Just went out for dinner with some of DH's colleagues and their partners, none of whom I'd met before as he is fairly new to the job and we're new to the area. The two women I was chatting to knew each other well and live in the same city, whereas DH and I live in a nearby town. They asked where I live and when I said the name of the town, the one woman started being a bit negative, saying it's super expensive and that we could get much better value in the city, following which she asked 'so how much rent are you paying on your place?' I was really taken aback and if I'd thought more quickly on my feet I might've fobbed it off, but I just couldn't think of what to say and so gave an approximate figure. She then followed up by asking how many bedrooms it is and saying she pays a similar amount for a 3 bedroom place compared to our 2 bedroom place. I get that she may have been trying to be helpful, but is it just me or is it rude and weird to ask how much rent someone pays?

I should also mention that this woman is originally from another country and I know that in some cultures it's quite normal to ask how much people earn and how much their property is worth, but even so, it made me really uncomfortable!

OP posts:

TheLastSoala · 30/03/2018 21:46

As soon as you know someone’s address now, you can look up exactly what their property has rented/sold for.

In my social circle that’s really lifted the taboo on asking about rents.

Why does it even matter if someone knows what rent you pay?

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 21:48

Much as I don't like discussing money, rent is a reasonable topic of conversation, mortgages however are not .

Bunbunbunny · 30/03/2018 21:48

Really? I don’t find that unusual at all, my friends discuss rents & mortgages, we live in London so it’s a big deal for us. I don’t see how it’s rude

Neverender · 30/03/2018 21:49

If someone asked me, I'd just tell them.

Loandbeholdagain · 30/03/2018 21:50

Totally normal and open discussion amongst my friends and DHs colleagues.
I think you are unusual in being offended.

Neverender · 30/03/2018 21:50

I'd never ask how much someone earns though. Too personal.

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 21:51

@TheLastSoala But this was someone I'd just met - not exactly part of my social circle. I think the context of it was also uncomfortable in that I felt a bit judged for living in an 'expensive' town.

Personally I would never ask someone how much rent they pay or how much they bought their house for even if I know them well, but perhaps I am a little bit private in that way.

OP posts:

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 21:52

Mortgages are more personal - many factors including wages, inheritance, deposits, actual amounts, interest rates.

I have no objection to anyone knowing my house is worth 450K (Zoopla will tell you that) , they have no need to know how much mortgage I have outstanding, what my repayments are, how much equity I have.

jaseyraex · 30/03/2018 21:53

I don't think it's rude. A taxi driver asked me the other day how much my place was when he dropped me off! You can find it online anyway if you know someone's address.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 21:53

Rent, again is easily googleable - Zoopla will tell you the rentable value.

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 21:53

@Loandbeholdagain I wasn't offended, just a bit uncomfortable given that I'd just met the person. But it seems I may be in the minority!

OP posts:

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 30/03/2018 21:54

I don’t understand why asking wha rent you pay is rude

People compare rents and the value they get it comes up quite often

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 21:57

I have never been asked how much rent I pay except by my mum, maybe my social circle is unusual then!

OP posts:

clumsyduck · 30/03/2018 21:59

Hmmmmm I'm torn in this scenario seems she was trying to be helpful maybe ?

applesandpears56 · 30/03/2018 21:59

I think it’s a bit rude

Definately it’s a cultural thing tho

HateTheDF · 30/03/2018 22:00

I've been asked it plenty of times by people I don't know, I do live in London however and that seems to be the normal thing to ask someone when they find out you rent in London.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 22:01

The key is that you are new to the area - therefore you know what all your friends pay (within reason) as you know your hometown market.

When you get different people together, even though they may only live a couple of miles apart, there will be wild variances of hundreds of pounds for the same style of property. Eg I'm looking to downsize and I can pick up a house roughly the same size for 200K less than mine is priced at, and its not a rough area, its simply just that next zone out of London (4 miles)

TheLastSoala · 30/03/2018 22:04

I live in London as well, so maybe it’s only here that we’ve all become so immune to the rudeness of talking about rent.

Whenever someone posts about their rent on MN, it always takes me a while to remember that they are talking about £500 per month not £500 per week.

PiggyPoos · 30/03/2018 22:05

Given the context of the conversation and that they shared they paid about the same no I don't think it's weird.

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:06

Maybe this is again a cultural thing that I was taken aback, as I'm not from the UK originally either! I wouldn't mind telling family and friends but they just have never asked and I've never asked them either.

OP posts:

hibbledibble · 30/03/2018 22:07

I think yabu.

It's common to talk about in conversation.

LoniceraJaponica · 30/03/2018 22:11

“I was really taken aback”

Why?

One of my friends had just moved back to the area and she is renting just now. She came round with a couple of other friends that I had invited, and we all wanted to know how much it costs to rent round here. No-one was offended or upset.

It seems to be a constant MN “thing” that people find offence in everyday issues

IMBU · 30/03/2018 22:12

It was bloody rude. Why did she need to know how much rent you pay? So she could go on and gloat about how she thinks you are paying over the odds by the sound of it.

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:15

@LoniceraJaponica As I said, I wasn't offended, just a bit uncomfortable! The context is a little bit different to friends sitting around and chatting, I wouldn't care in that case - I'd only just met this person and she was basically trying to say I'm a bit silly for living in a supposedly expensive town.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:18

@IMBU that was also the sense I got - if it had been spoken in a different context e.g someone asking for assistance to figure out rents in the area, I would've felt very differently.

OP posts:

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