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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude to ask someone how much rent they pay?

62 replies

Notalo · 30/03/2018 21:39

Just went out for dinner with some of DH's colleagues and their partners, none of whom I'd met before as he is fairly new to the job and we're new to the area. The two women I was chatting to knew each other well and live in the same city, whereas DH and I live in a nearby town. They asked where I live and when I said the name of the town, the one woman started being a bit negative, saying it's super expensive and that we could get much better value in the city, following which she asked 'so how much rent are you paying on your place?' I was really taken aback and if I'd thought more quickly on my feet I might've fobbed it off, but I just couldn't think of what to say and so gave an approximate figure. She then followed up by asking how many bedrooms it is and saying she pays a similar amount for a 3 bedroom place compared to our 2 bedroom place. I get that she may have been trying to be helpful, but is it just me or is it rude and weird to ask how much rent someone pays?

I should also mention that this woman is originally from another country and I know that in some cultures it's quite normal to ask how much people earn and how much their property is worth, but even so, it made me really uncomfortable!

OP posts:

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/03/2018 22:19

YABU, I don't get this British fear of talking about money. As long as no one is asking about your bank balance or salary then it's fine

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:21

@CherryChasingDotMuncher I'm not from the UK, but where I'm from no one has ever asked me so maybe I'm just not accustomed to it. DH is from a culture where it actually is quite normal to ask people what they earn and we both find it very uncomfortable!

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/03/2018 22:24

It's rude.

People do it, but it's still rude.

No idea why NewYear imagines it's ok to talk about rent, but not mortgages - probably some stupid idea that the plebs who rent don't matter.

We live in an expensive area for renting (we pay more than my sibling in London), and I promise, the fact it's rude has nothing to do with whether or not you can make stealth boasts about paying £500 per week.

If someone asked me, I'd probably just change the subject.Sure, they can look it up on Zoopla, but equally, if they really wanted, they could stalk you on all sorts of internet sites to try to work out all sorts of other personal details. Does that make it normal? Of course not.

LoniceraJaponica · 30/03/2018 22:24

"It was bloody rude"

No it wasn't. It really wasn't. Are you always this easily offended?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/03/2018 22:25

As long as no one is asking about your bank balance or salary then it's fine

So what's the difference? Surely it's no more personal to talk about your salary (and a damn sight more sensible as a topic of conversation, given what we now know about gender pay gaps!).

JoJoSM2 · 30/03/2018 22:26

I'd only just met this person and she was basically trying to say I'm a bit silly for living in a supposedly expensive town.

Is that's what's bothering you? You're reading way too much into it. She was making a conversation.

BackforGood · 30/03/2018 22:26

I think it's pretty normal , and not rude.
In that context, I'd have thought they might even have thought they were being helpful - what with you being new to the area - and letting you know you could get more for your money in the other town. You might not realise that if you are new to the area.

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:27

@LoniceraJaponica are you quoting me or someone else? Also I never said I was offended, just uncomfortable and taken aback as I've never been asked it by someone I just met.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:29

@JoJoSM2 maybe I am, I did say in my original post that she may have been trying to be helpful!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 30/03/2018 22:31

I think the issue is she was saying it was daft to pay to rent in an expensive area when you got so much more for your money elsewhere, she probably had a point and hit a sensitive spot for you. The truth is she pays the same and gets more house for her money in a less expensive area. I don't see it as rude as it's not your house. It's like asking how much your hotel room cost.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 22:32

LDR Why are you so abusively rude to me?

I clearly gave my reasons above. None of wish were rude or aimed at plebs - not a word I'd choose to use, but if that's how you view people that's a reflection on you

MaisyPops · 30/03/2018 22:33

Fairly common and to be honest given how much is googlable it's probably not that surprising.

We were at a friend's wedding in London and a few of their London friends (on hearing we bought our own house in our 20s) ask how much our rent was and then house was to buy. They couldn't believe you could pay rent and save. Then it became apparent that what we were paying in rent a month was what they were paying in rent a fortnight (and our rent was for a house vs their room in a shared flat!!)

Not rude at all.

LoniceraJaponica · 30/03/2018 22:35

No, not your quote Notalo

Original poster

Notalo · 30/03/2018 22:36

@Bluntness100 I think @LRDtheFeministDragon has said it quite well above, that people think it's rude to ask about mortgages but not rent is a bit telling. I don't view a rental property in the same way I'd view a hotel room - this sounds a little bit unfair to people who rent.

OP posts:

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/03/2018 22:37

Wow. Um. I wasn't 'abusively rude'. But perhaps if you find an anonymous person on the internet stating their view so very crushing, you should refrain from telling other people what they should and shouldn't find rude in actual, real life? Right? Since you clearly don't have a terribly balanced perspective.

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 22:39

LDR you singled me out and projected your perception of plebs on to myself. Would you do me the courtesy of explaining what I've done to get your ire this evening? This was quite a nice civilised thread until 22:24

NewYearNewMe18 · 30/03/2018 22:40

And as you apparently know me so well LDR could you give an example of me crushing someone in real life

you should refrain from telling other people what they should and shouldn't find rude in actual, real life?

Bluntness100 · 30/03/2018 22:42

I think because asking about mortgages is slightly different, it starts to bring into play how much of the property you own outright, deposits, equity, salaries etc, and you can tell much from thr info about personal finances, where as rent is simply a payment for a service provided, you pay rent to a landlord to let you stay for a short term temporary period in a property they own. That short term may be renewed, but in the U.K. it's usually six months at a time, maybe a year.

LunchBoxPolice · 30/03/2018 22:44

I would find it rude too. To me that would be like asking someone how much their car cost, or how much they earn. Particularly odd that it was someone you don't really know.

I rent but certainly don't view my HOME like a hotel room

pringlecat · 30/03/2018 22:46

I don't think it's rude to talk about mortgage/rent, but I live in London.

Salary information however is more personal.

hellokittymania · 30/03/2018 22:51

This made me laugh a bit. In Southeast Asia, one of the top three questions, along with your age, are you married, will you will be what's your salary? I don't mind the other two, but when I tell people my salary they either think it's too low, too high, etc. so in the end I just say enough to live on.

I don't mind telling people what my rent is. The area I live in is known for having crazily expensive rents anyway, so people have an idea even before they ask I think. I have had the same lovely landlady for three years now and I live in a very safe area with friendly people.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 30/03/2018 22:53

new, you are a bit paranoid.

I don't think I know you at all in real life - do I?!

I have made comments judging you purely on what you've said on this thread.

You think it's ok to treat people who rent as somehow lesser. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure why that's controversial, either.

DairyisClosed · 30/03/2018 22:55

I think that if some woman I'd just met asked me something like that my jaw would drop so far it would hit the floor. Astonishing rude. I feel embarrassed for her just reading this.

JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt · 30/03/2018 22:59

Do you faint if you see an ankle too?

We're in a housing crisis. People talk about cost of rent.

TotHappy · 30/03/2018 23:00

Wow, I don't think its rude at all. Nor asking how much you paid for your car. Nor how much you paid for your house. I also would ask about salary if it was a friend but not a new acquaintance like in this situation. I wish people would all talk about salary though, then we could get an idea how we're all being stiffed.

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