Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Breastfeeding & then giving junk food all the time....???

79 replies

chinesechicken · 30/03/2018 16:09

So I'm in a breastfeeding group on facebook, because I breastfed all my children. At one point in the beginning I used to combi feed because I was quite poorly and was really made to feel crap about it by some people in the group.

Anyway, they all go on about how important it is to breastfeed and how proud they are etc etc, something I can't relate to.. BUT they often sort of brag about how they are too lazy/tired to cook actual proper food so often give children's ready meals (I didn't know these were a thing), pizzas, chicken nuggets etc most days of the week. Nobody gets shamed for this, but if it was someone saying "I'm going to formula feed because I am too lazy/tired/ busy being a mum to breastfeed" I think they would get seriously shot down by them.

The reason I think this is odd is because the benefits to the child of breastfeeding are things like reduced chance of childhood cancer, reduced chance of diabetes later in life, not being overweight etc etc these things are also influenced by your diet! So surely if you're going to campaign for children receiving the best in nutrition or whatever, why does this stop being important when your child is on solids or 1 year old?

It seems so weird to me, I suppose I am resentful to the group because of the way I've seen them bitching about formula feeding mums and how formula doesn't even begin to compare and how it is our responsibility to feed our children ourselves, and then to me this seems so hypocritical when they're feeding junk food most days of the week.

AIBU to point this out and deal with the backlash then leave?! I feel like they need it pointing out because they're obviously oblivious to how hypocritical and ridiculous they look. Or would I then be accused of mum shaming? PS I work full time, breastfed my three children and cook all my own food from scratch and don't give anything processed so I do know the hard work that goes into both breastfeeding and not giving your kid ready-meals.

OP posts:
chinesechicken · 30/03/2018 16:56

Whatttt?? Why do people keep suggesting I have no friends??
I have knowledge and experience I would like to share with people free of charge because I think breastfeeding support in the UK is utterly shite. Fuck sake.

OP posts:
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 30/03/2018 17:02

Start your own FB group then? (And as ‘admin’ ban ‘shaming’ people) Smile

chinesechicken · 30/03/2018 17:07

Actually that's a good idea slightly

OP posts:
Flutterbyeee · 30/03/2018 17:20

Proof that no act of kindness is selfless

Maryann1975 · 30/03/2018 17:24

Op, I get where you are coming from. They want the best for their children (as we all do, regardless of how we feed our babies) and think that the best for their babies is to breastfeed because of the health benefits, but then once the child is weaned, it all changes and they are happy to feed them anything, regardless of its nutritional benefit. No point mentioning it to them. They won’t get it and will think you are being judgey and critical of their methods. Move on and find a group more in line with your ideals. However, I would probably go against my own advice and comment. Do you know them in real life or are they random strangers?

Choklitdoknut · 30/03/2018 17:28

I know most of them in real life as its a group that meets locally but some don't meet up and just like the online support

Choklitdoknut · 30/03/2018 17:29

Changed my name back to my normal one now i dont think its particularly outing...thank god!

Babdoc · 30/03/2018 17:32

I think you've had some rather unkind responses on here, OP. Maybe people are feeling guilty about their own ( junk food eating) toddlers?!
Personally, I think junk food is a far worse crime than formula milk. It's programming the toddlers for a lifetime of bad food choices, and giving them a taste for unhealthy crap food and ready meals. I made all my kids meals from scratch, using fresh ingredients - they never saw a nugget! So many kids are obese these days, their parents seem to think it's normal. As a doctor, it makes me cringe to see folk asking for a "children's menu" in restaurants, so the poor kids are fed a plate of beige high carb, high fat crap with not a vegetable in sight.

Sprinklesinmyelbow · 30/03/2018 17:35

I think this is just the way some people are, especially on Internet forums. Desperate to give themselves a pat on the back and criticise everyone else in the next breath. All they want is recognition for their accomplishment, they don’t want to discuss the rights and wrongs feeding children solids because they can’t pay themselves on the back for that.

BertieBotts · 30/03/2018 17:35

Yes they are being hypocrites. Although personally I didn't BF for the health benefits. If they keep going on about it and then showing other things which do the opposite, that's hypocritical.

TBH most FB parenting groups seem to be utterly bonkers! I don't know what it is about them.

Choklitdoknut · 30/03/2018 17:37

babdoc you seem to get what im saying. Surely if we want the best for our children we dont brag about giving them a takeaway! Not even talking about mcdonalds, like an actual msg filled chinese takeaway. Some processed food food is proven to be carcinogenic and i don't get it!

killinginthenameof · 30/03/2018 17:42

A couple of you are missing my point...they are slagging off formula or even combi feeding mums saying they won't be getting the benefits of blah blah blah but then doing completely counterproductive. i give no fucks what anybody feeds their kids, i care when they're thinking they're the dogs bollocks when the obviously aren't and shaming other people for formula feeding

I completely get your point op. I can't stand this kind of judgemental hypocrisy.

TroubledLichen · 30/03/2018 17:52

I actually agree with you! I know more than a few people like this (and in real life, not just in on an online group).

I had a friend (note passed tense) who would harp on and on like a broken record about the benefits of breastfeeding, how she considered formula to basically be poison and then as soon as the DC was weaned it was chocolate, chips and ketchup. The hypocrisy drove me mad and as a result she’s not someone I see socially any more. That and she tried to feed my 6MO chocolate whilst I was in the loo.

Jassmells · 30/03/2018 17:56

Sounds typical of the breastapo to me.

Are they a bit posh/wannabe? Just wondered if they think they are being some kind of hilarious ironic supercool mum in feeding their kids this?

It's just weird. Why anyone would shame formula feeding is beyond me. Formula saved my daughter's life and I will happily take on anyone spouting how evil it is.

rogueantimatter · 30/03/2018 18:13

Aaggh. I knew a few people who were like this. No credit given by them to anyone who works hard to give their infants a healthy diet. I often used to think it was very strange. I felt terrible for mix- feeding my first but my goodness, my DC went on to be much better eaters than any of their dc. To put it very bluntly indeed, some people are just up themselves. Even bf- ing mums.

Choklitdoknut · 30/03/2018 18:14

Yes! A bit posh and one of their favourite pastimes is looking for things online to be offended about on behalf of other people.

notthatonethanks · 30/03/2018 18:21

They sound really irritating and hypocritical and I totally get why you would be fed up with them.

Unfortunately throwing a strop at them won't change their views so I'd just leave the group and forget about them.

BustopherJones · 30/03/2018 18:53

I think these sorts of groups can get like that. All the ‘find your tribe’ nonsense. Most people take bits of advice from all over, and abandon what doesn’t work for them. Every child is different.

I was stopped in the street by someone wanting me to join a babywearing group because I was using a wrap sling. I just can’t see the appeal of that sort of thing. But then I think a book club sounds like hell!

sycamore54321 · 30/03/2018 19:00

They and plenty of people on this thread sound like they have a nasty bullying streak. Why didn't you call them out on their unpleasant attitufes and words about formula long before now? That's the real problem, this completely unjustified deification of breastfeeding. To the extent that someone on this thread has called formula feeding a baby a crime. What the hell is wrong with all of these commenters? A baby or toddler that is not being fed at all is a crime. After that, some choices may have more benefits than others (and really we have little enough hard evidence about childhood feeding patterns and how they impact so that's not even a given). Different parents, different children, as long as the children are loved and have their basic needs fulfilled, there is a whole spectrum of ways to reach the same end point.

Snide Facebook friends don't sound like they are enriching anybody's life.

Peterpanspants · 30/03/2018 19:02

The way you’ve written that post and peoples views on BF/FF makes quite a horrible read for people who BF. Thanks

Peterpanspants · 30/03/2018 19:03

*for people who FF

TuscanMum · 30/03/2018 19:11

What’s the point of being in a BF group if you’ve breastfed all your children?

It’s not like your new to it🤔

Just feed your child and get on with real life.

Jassmells · 30/03/2018 19:12

@sycamore54321 where has someone said formula feeding is a crime?

MiaowTheCat · 30/03/2018 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hypermice · 30/03/2018 19:18

Parenting FB groups are an odd mix of fabulous support and batshit insanity.

The correct ratio for an enjoyable group is probably 80:20. Enough to eye roll at but not feel harangued.

Once the batshit ratio rises above a certain threshold, you either stay as entertainment (lookin’ at you, placental encapsulation anti vax fluoride denier Mum) or you bow out.

If a group is making you feel shit, it’s time to leave.