Instamums 4

[mammyoftwo]

Following on from Instamums 3.2

At work I deal with parents who have neglected, abused or injured their children. Yet if you look on their Facebook (and yes I do that) you'd think they adored their kids. Those children don't feature in beautiful pics on insta or receive lovely expensive #gifts. They're lucky to be fed, not get a clip or have toys. Seriously, some of you need to get a grip.

That's an entirely contradictory post which undermines your previous posts. The people you are looking at on facebook look like they adore their children......so the message being we shouldn't trust what we see online.....?!

If you work in any area relating to child protection, you will know it's not a race to the bottom. Just because someone hits their child 10 times doesnt mean that it's OK for someone else to just hit their child once

You'll also know that there are lots of ways that children's safety can be undermined or neglected and that neglect is also a child protection issue just as much as abuse is

Growingboys

Sorry, I went off on a bit of a rant. It just annoys me the fuss made on here about kids of instamums supposedly being put at risk. They are possibly at a slightly higher risk than another child of being abducted or having unwanted attention. I think that is unlikely though and the risk is very low to start with.

I see children every week who would love to have the childhood and opportunities that these instamums are managing to provide their children. I'd be so upset if I was MOD or FOD to read strangers saying I was putting my children in danger.

@IsThisAWindUp It was great to see how this thread made some bloggers stop and think about what they were posting. That’s a real positive to take away from this debate.

Mamaj2017 is just making random sounds.

We are in an era where social media is still relatively new. We are starting to hear stories of people sacked from jobs for what they've written. Not getting jobs because of tags they've received on Facebook etc. No body knows what the repercussions could be for children whos whole lives, potty training, bad behaviour, tantrums, are put on the wide Web could be.

So could these children be having their futures affected? That's the other bit that no one knows.

A lot of celebrities hide their children's faces. Some instagrammers stop featuring them when they are four and starting school. No one knows the full answer. But to make out that it's all hunky dory to put your children's lives on open pages is rather naive

I think anyone who puts their children into the media years before they have the ability to make an informed decision on whether they're happy with that is letting their children down, celebrity or instagrammer.

Seriously guys this now sounds like a daily mail comments section. Kidnapping kids. It's bloody nonsense.

Who said kidnapping kids? If they did it was pages and pages ago. Nobody's said anything of the sort lately. So why bring it up?

sofia - what do you tell your daughters about the internet safety advice they are given at school? Or have you withdrawn them from these lessons on the basis that it is rubbish and the teachers are probably jealous of MOD? Do you realise that sounds a bit demented?

Well not just bloggers. I’ve seriously reined in what I put online over recent months and tightened up access to my accounts. Have also discussed with my husband about doing the same. I know his ex girlfriend stalks his Instagram. I don’t want people peering into my life unless I want to share it with them.

Gobbolin, sorry I wasn't very clear. I meant the parents make statements on their Facebook about how much they love their kids and post pics that are taken in a supervised contact. The reality is their children have been removed due to their abuse or neglect.

It just makes me angry to read posts on this thread accusing some instamums of putting their child at risk (someone mentioned FOD dangling his child over a worktop and letting them loose in a supermarket). It's just so ridiculous.

@sofialemon 'I see children every week who would love to have the childhood and opportunities that these instamums are managing to provide'
how on earth do you know that the pictures reflect their lives. You contaradict yourself time and again. Utterly ridiculous for someone who says they work in the field you do. Are you actually 12?
Sorry fruitbowl for the kidnapping ref, we've covered stalkers and weirdos and I genuinely thought that someone with millions of followers (David Beckham) would have risks involving kidnap. Perhaps reality celebs kids are not kidnap worthy I've no idea what money they have access to.

Instakids will be fine. They are privileged and obviously loved. I think people should be careful to not get carried away with this topic.

Cady I think I mentioned kidnapping kids. Only because other than that I'm not really sure what some posters are implying is going to happen to the kids just because their pics are on insta and a stranger may have worked out where they live?

Sofia- FOD turned his back on twin toddlers that were sprawled on a work top surface, 1 holding a China mug, whilst he spoke into his phone to Instagram. Now I'm not being over the top but if one fell off then that would be shit parenting. Who lets 2 year olds do that?

@IsThisAWindUp That’s good. I had a similar chat with my husband about that, too. He’s close to deleting his Facebook account anyway and I’ve reduced my private Instagram account to the bare minimum of followers. When I argued my point about it being our daughter’s choice as to what gets posted, it was a no-brainer.

They are more likely to be burgled.

Not sure if any insurance would provide them any cover.

@Gobbolinothewitchscat

sofia - what do you tell your daughters about the internet safety advice they are given at school? Or have you withdrawn them from these lessons on the basis that it is rubbish and the teachers are probably jealous of MOD? Do you realise that sounds a bit demented?

Wtf are you talking about? I've said several times that my daughter is very clued up re social media. Police have been into her school and given talks about online safety, we have parental controls on the internet.

Some of her friends are on insta (since they were 9/10). She's not allowed, I've explained that it's often a very fake perception and that many young girls' pics on it are so photoshopped they're unrealistic. I think insta especially is a very unhealthy platform for young girls, or anyone with low self esteem or depression.

Re child exploitation and whether under 16s (or apparently under 25 which is frankly, fucking ridiculous) are able to make informed decisions

That isn't what I posted, sofialemon, and there's no need to be so rude. I've engaged politely with both you and Cady, so you could do me the courtesy of using your comprehension skills when reading my posts and not conflating two separate comments.

I posted that I personally think children can't give informed consent until they are about 16 as any younger than that they don't have the prerequisite critical thinking skills to make a decision with so many potential consequences in the future. As an aside, in my personal experience sound critical thinking skills kick in around the age of 25 when the human brain is fully developed.

I believe disclosure and child protection should apply across the board to all Instagram accounts, and I feel in time it will, the legislation just needs to catch up with the new media. This doesn't change the fact that instamums build their brand upon a false intimacy with their audience.

Did you just suggest MN posters report instamums to their local authority, sofialemon? I think MN might have a strong opinion on that!

I’ve been reading these ‘instamum’ threads with interest and have to say some valuable comments have been made, however it seems to have turned slightly sour. Chucking in my two pence worth - as a social worker I would love my only concern to be whether a child is ‘forced’ to pose for 2 minutes for a photograph outside the Disney castle on their free holiday which they may possibly moan ‘isn’t cool’ in 10 years time. I would love you to be in my shoes for one day and see some of the truely awful situations and risks some children are in. If that’s what’s keeping you up at night then you seriously need to get some perspective!

Wtf are you talking about? I've said several times that my daughter is very clued up re social media. Police have been into her school and given talks about online safety, we have parental controls on the internet.

Is that not very contradictory? Why do the rules apply to your children but not MODs. You say we should all stop getting our knickers in a twist about internet safety but implicitly accept that it is so serious an issue that the police judge it worthy of spending limites resources going to schools to warn pupils. But if we raise it on mumsnet, we are envious hysterics?

Good point gobbolino

Gobbolin, sorry I wasn't very clear. I meant the parents make statements on their Facebook about how much they love their kids and post pics that are taken in a supervised contact. The reality is their children have been removed due to their abuse or neglect.

It just makes me angry to read posts on this thread accusing some instamums of putting their child at risk (someone mentioned FOD dangling his child over a worktop and letting them loose in a supermarket). It's just so ridiculous

I get where you're coming from with all of that. Really, you can't expect to think that it is genuine reality what you are seeing.
I find those who put on FB for example - "I have the best husband ever, love him so much" and "mwah" hashtag date night etc are guaranteed to be the ones most unhappiest. It's so often a front. The healthiest relationships are the ones played away from the public eye.
Same with putting pictures of your kids on social media.
"My God, they're doing my head in!" with a picture of you swigging a glass of wine doesn't mean you're ignoring them for the lure of the bottle.
Doesn't automatically mean neglect. Could just mean that you've poured yourself a glass of wine at the end of a long day and you've been endlessly playing I Spy or listening to a constant outpouring of verbal diarrhoea since 5am that morning