My money, my choice?

[LiteraryDevil]

Recent boyfriend seemed to have an issue with how I spent my money. I'm a single mum with 3 children and currently not working but will return once LO is at nursery next academic year.

My income is fairly limited but I usually have money for whatever we need. Sometimes I buy new but I make the most of sales and offers to get what the children need and get a lot of my things off eBay. Shoes are always new and I do shop around for the best price.

My food shop is done between Tesco and Asda. Tesco for main shop and the small local Asda for milk and bread top ups etc. We are all vegetarian (I'm also on a dietician led diet for a medical condition ) and I buy a lot of own brand food, along with quorn and tofu. I like nice things and splurge occasionally but I balance this with eBay and sales. Bf iwas saying I should be shopping at Aldi not Tesco because I can't afford it. He said this on a regular basis even though I explained Aldi doesn't sell tofu or many of the other products I buy.

He said he cant afford an iPhone and deducts that if he can't on his good salary then I shouldn't be able to either and I shouldn't be spending more than £10 a month in my phone. He wants to use my WiFi when he's here though so he doesn't use all his data as £10 a month doesn't last long. For the same reason messages are via messenger not text as costs too much

I am learning to drive and he tried to tell me what car I could afford to lease and I got pissed off at this point as I'd had enough. I'll choose my own car thanks.

When we are together (usually at my house) I cook/provide all the meals and buy treats. If we go out I offer to pay sometimes and at least pay my half each time. Bearing in mind it's usually take away chips so not exactly haute cuisine! I never expect him to pay for anything.

My thinking is my money is my business and if my spending isn't affecting anyone else then it's my business.

I remember when we first met he asked how much maintenance my ex paid and how I supported myself and I thought it was quite rude.

We have recently split.

AIBU to be pissed off at his attitude?

Op read your post back slowly to your self

Then tell me why your giving this fuckwit bed space

He's a cheeky bastard to use your free WiFi then lecture you on where you should shop.
Thank him for his advice and tell him you'll be shopping where you like,just as he shops where he likes.
Oh just noticed in your post you've split up. Think you've had a lucky escape!

And no your not unreasonable 💐

Forgot to add, if I bought anything he deemed expensive or unnecessary then he'd say "Christ, no wonder you're always skint." Sometimes I struggle and have to be frugal for a few days but I never run out of money and we are all fed, bills paid etc.

Tell him to fuck off!

YANBU your money is your business definitely.

Only thing I might suggest is that he was thinking long term and trying to suss out whether you are financially savvy or the kind of person that lives way beyond their means. I know it would be a big deal breaker for me if a new partner was in loads of debt and financially irresponsible. Not that I'm saying you are, just that he might have been trying to figure out if you are.

Having said that if he was trying to gauge how good you are with money he went about it in quite a rude way and shouldn't have been telling you what you should do with your money.

You've split. Why does it matter now? Of course HIBU.

He sounds judgemental and perhaps a little in awe of your coping strategies. Well rid I say, esp as he has such a weird thing about money.

Fuck him off! In no way is this acceptable. He's a tight wanker. You are well rid.

Id tell him its finished tbh hes a miserable tight arse from what ive read

Foo I like to try and learn from the past so I can move on to the future better prepared.

and you are with him... why?

He sounds like he's obsessed with money. You made the right decision binning him.

It’s easy for him to be judgemental about your spending while he freeloads your WiFi and food!

Can I please tell him to f* off for you?

You can't stay with this man, you do know that don't you. Unless you wish to be a complete mug forever more.

sounds to me like maybe he wants you to have more disposable income.... to spend on him... i wouldn't put it past him BUT what does scream out is Financial abuser, i've had one of those and it was rough, it got so bad that once after id had a small operation he told me to not take a taxi home but just to walk as it only takes 45 minutes to an hour .... i dumped him after that XD Felt soo good!

Congratulations op. Just read at the end there that you have split.
Do not consider getting back with him. It sounds like he wants you to fund him (wanting to use your wifi and you provide treats and pay at least your share and probably more if you really worked it out) and be able to control your finances to do it.
Don't get back with him he'd wear you down with penny pinching and demanding you justify what you spend every penny on.

Wow. So glad you split! What a tosser.

A miserly, judgemental and bossy pain in the arse!!!

Totally right about your money, your choice. Well done for kicking him to the kerb.

I'm on full time disability benefits, have been for years, always will be.
Sometimes I'm very frugal, other times I splash out, because I can and because it's my decision as an adult.
So long as we're never hungry, cold or sitting in the dark it's no one else's business.
(My weirdo neighbours like to gossip about what I have but they are small minded dicks too)

I'm always banging on about red flags online, and I frequently get men having a go because
'you cant tell who someone is until you really get to know them', or
''who are you to judge, I suppose you're perfect?' or
'omg this is how marriages end because a man didn't put his mug in the dishwasher once' or
'why don't you give someone the benefit of the doubt and try to understand their motives'.

Seriously, don't do any of those things, they are all variations on a theme. And the theme is 'ignore your discomfort'.
Learn the red flags and pay attention to them, especially early on.

STAY SPLIT!

Well done on recognising he's a cock and dumping his arse.
Never allow a man to tell you what to do.
You do what you want with your money.
Never let anyone tell you any different.
You are doing a grand job.
He's a freeloading wanker!

He did pay for the block of driving lessons for my Christmas present. However I'm now under pressure to buy however many more I need otherwise. Whilst I appreciated his generosity of this gift the end result is me having to pay out a few hundred pounds to carry them on otherwise the ones he bought will be a waste of money. Although now I'm not funding him then I'll have more money!

No, YANBU! He sounds like a dick and you're well rid of him! It also sounds like you manage really well on a tight budget.

I had a massive row with my husband a couple of years ago, he got really controlling over money not long after we got married, which went on for a while. The thing he objected to the most was my cheap PAYG phone (he was unemployed at the time and his mum was paying his £40 a month contract on a fancy iPhone.) I hit the roof and actually yelled at him (something I never do.) I pointed out I'm an adult, I work, I have a right to have my own phone, (he wanted me to use his and stop topping up mine) and if he had an issue with me sticking a tenner on my phone every month he could fuck off. (I still have my cheap-arse Samsung, he now has a different iPhone because his old one broke. When my phone does give up the ghost I'll get another one like that.) We also have separate bank accounts now as I got sick of him spying on me.