My money, my choice?

[LiteraryDevil]

Recent boyfriend seemed to have an issue with how I spent my money. I'm a single mum with 3 children and currently not working but will return once LO is at nursery next academic year.

My income is fairly limited but I usually have money for whatever we need. Sometimes I buy new but I make the most of sales and offers to get what the children need and get a lot of my things off eBay. Shoes are always new and I do shop around for the best price.

My food shop is done between Tesco and Asda. Tesco for main shop and the small local Asda for milk and bread top ups etc. We are all vegetarian (I'm also on a dietician led diet for a medical condition ) and I buy a lot of own brand food, along with quorn and tofu. I like nice things and splurge occasionally but I balance this with eBay and sales. Bf iwas saying I should be shopping at Aldi not Tesco because I can't afford it. He said this on a regular basis even though I explained Aldi doesn't sell tofu or many of the other products I buy.

He said he cant afford an iPhone and deducts that if he can't on his good salary then I shouldn't be able to either and I shouldn't be spending more than £10 a month in my phone. He wants to use my WiFi when he's here though so he doesn't use all his data as £10 a month doesn't last long. For the same reason messages are via messenger not text as costs too much

I am learning to drive and he tried to tell me what car I could afford to lease and I got pissed off at this point as I'd had enough. I'll choose my own car thanks.

When we are together (usually at my house) I cook/provide all the meals and buy treats. If we go out I offer to pay sometimes and at least pay my half each time. Bearing in mind it's usually take away chips so not exactly haute cuisine! I never expect him to pay for anything.

My thinking is my money is my business and if my spending isn't affecting anyone else then it's my business.

I remember when we first met he asked how much maintenance my ex paid and how I supported myself and I thought it was quite rude.

We have recently split.

AIBU to be pissed off at his attitude?

homeTIRF

Bore off there's a dear. That is spiteful sniping.

Piss off home tirf.

Being a single parent is bloody hard work. So is making your money stretch and not living in poverty, but also not getting debt.

I'm glad you've binned him. He would have become more controlling and tight as time went on.

Hit a nerve eh?

Well TIRF I really hope nothing untoward ever happens to you.
You've no idea why OP is single.
Men often fuck off and leave us to deal with everything on our own.
And guess what?? We get through it all as best we can and OP is doing is fine job.
So bore off you judgmental eejit!

I paid tax and NI until I took extended maternity leave and will pay them again once back at work in September so do fuck off TIRF

I've been encouraged by him to use the free child care on offer from the government but seeing as I'm not working I didn't think that was right just so I could have time to myself as he put it.

He is an total arse, glad you go rid of him.

TIRF Well I hope you are secure with your finances as it only takes just one upset to put you where the OPs is .
My DD was secure in her life with her children until her husband died and she hit rock bottom so don't judge everyone the same its very unfair you never know whats around the corner.

TIRF
I am a net contributor in tax terms. I still don't begrudge the OP her income nor her freedom to manage her own money without being accountable to me.

You've done the right thing finishing with him. It sounds as though he is very controlling. You'd end up having nothing and him having all funds spent on him

As long as you're using some of the money you get to make sure your children are adequately nourished and clothed, then it's nobody else's business what you spend any spare money on.He sounds tight and controlling.You're well rid.

Thankfully you’ve escaped financial abuse. Well done. I’d block him on every account you have just to avoid him weaseling his way back into your life.

Also, please ignore and don’t feed the troll. :)

TIRF... maybe you'd be satisfied if OP did what the children's father did then - abandon the children so that she can go out and earn full time? Oh but then the state would have to pay foster carers or care home costs at 100x the rate that it takes to support a FTP??! Jog on you ignorant foolish nonsense spouting idiot. Single parents like the OP deserve RESPECT and thanks because they a) economically save the state billions in costs and b) raise the next generation of wage earning tax payers (and that's only from a coldly economic standpoint!)

Of course it’s your choice if it’s your money OP. I’m glad you’ve split from him. You sound like you are doing what anyone raising a family on a limited budget would do, and doing it well. There is no shame in sales and second hand!

Also, I am veggie, and you’re right, Aldi don’t sell all the products i’d like to buy. I mostly shop at Tesco, and tbh, with special offers/basic brands I don’t find them that much more that Aldi anyway - at least for what we eat.

You sound great actually OP. Good luck with getting back to work when the time comes. The good thing about have a very fixed income for awhile is that you really appreciate a better wage when it comes along.

On another thread, homeTIRF reckons he or she is a head teacher. Fucking saddo more like.

He sounds like my ex.
Imagine my surprise when I got rid of him and it turned out I am a actually very good at managing my money. Twat. You are well shot.

I remember when we first met he asked how much maintenance my ex paid and how I supported myself and I thought it was quite rude.

THIS was your first red flag love.

Good on you for dumping him. Keep him dumped. He sounded like a wannabe-cocklodger

If you have recently split, why still see him? And yes, if it's your money it is your choice! He sounds like the controlling kind who could get progressively more so - best steer well away from him!

I can only hope that TIRF isn't as judgemental about any children at the school she works at are from families on benefits.

We have recently split.

Yay! I love a story with a happy ending. You're well rid.

definitely your choice to make
nothing to do with him at all , he sounds horrible

I just can't get over the fact that he has frequently been eating at your house without contributing anything while you pay your way when you are out.

You are obviously a generous person, OP, but there are limits.

It is lovely to read about someone on MN that is managing really well and has kicked a dickhead waster into touch of her own accord and without MN telling her to LTB.

Well done OP, you did good.

Coyo he did usually ask if I needed anything but as I do my shopping midweek then it was always unlikely. He paid for nice meals out 95% of the time. I think we had a 'proper' meal out 8 times in the 11 months we went out. The rest of the time it was take away chips and a cup of tea. The one thing that really annoyed me was that he never cooked me a meal. Never. Not once. And the rare times I went to his he liked to have me with him when he bought food in for me. Probably as he knew I'd offer to pay!

Just remembered how he'd complain how much petrol his (electric hybrid company car) was costing him to keep filling up as though he was hinting for me to offer petrol money on our day trips out. He used to want to charge it at mine but couldn't do it and still close and lock the door or windows. He says his budget for March and April was pretty tight and that a £40 date was too expensive yet I'd think nothing of spending that on nice food and drinks for the weekend. Makes me so cross to think about it now and as he was always offering to lend me money I felt like I was being a bitch for not liking his criticism of my finances. I personally think he hated that I didn't need him to lend me money and would rather be short for a while than borrow off him.