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AIBU?

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Original poster

No babies text!

75 replies

SGIB14 · 29/03/2018 11:08

After nearly 2 years together and lots of chat about where we see ourselves in the future I.e. marriage babies etc. He TEXTS me telling me he doesn't want any more kids (we have 1 each from precious relationships) and says if I can't deal with that then we're over. This completely came out the blue we've not spoke about the whole baby thing at all because now isn't the ideal time. I feel so annoyed he just texts me with a decision like that. He then admits he hasn't put any thought into it he just decided and that's it. No conversations just a bloody text.
I've spoke to him about how I felt about the text and what that felt like for me and he's apologised but says the message still stands and he doesn't want kids but wants me and our relationship to work. I just can't get past it though. Insensitive git! Rant over 😊

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 29/03/2018 11:14

I would dump him like yesterday's trash.

gamerchick · 29/03/2018 11:16

Well he’s been clear, albeit insensitive. If babies are important to you it’s better to find out now rather than more years down the line.

I’d dump him for the text alone, it wasn’t very nice in its wording and the face he felt he couldn’t discuss an important issue in person.

Trinity66 · 29/03/2018 11:16

Terrible way to tell you something like that but atleast you know and you need to decide whether it's a deal breaker for you or not

AmayaBuzzbee · 29/03/2018 11:17

Based on a message like that, I’d tell him we are definitely over!

Not because of the baby issue, but because he is texting you ultimatums and threats rather than having an adult discussion on life changing decisions. He is showing you right there how little respect he has for you. How old is he -12!? Immature idiot.

gamerchick · 29/03/2018 11:17

At least if you do dump him you can do it by text with no guilt attached.

DairyisClosed · 29/03/2018 11:19

I would be more hurt by the method of communication than the message itself in this situation. How does a grown man think that that is acceptable behaviour.

Lizzie48 · 29/03/2018 11:21

I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who thinks that's an appropriate way to communicate about an issue like that.

FetchezLaVache · 29/03/2018 11:28

Agree with everyone else and particularly like Gamerchick's style - he's telling you the kind of person he is, I'd be off like the wind regardless of whether or not I wanted more children.

dejectedharry · 29/03/2018 11:29

What a horrible way to communicate that to you. Hope you're okay OP.

ppeatfruit · 29/03/2018 11:29

Maybe he was on a bus and a baby was in his ear screaming the place down! He didn't think it through. Though I wouldn't want one with a plank like that!

Fruitcorner123 · 29/03/2018 11:33

I agree with AmayaBuzzbee he has shown he doesn't value you enough to have a civilised conversation and listen to your POV

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 29/03/2018 11:37

You say there's been lots of chat about where we see ourselves in the future and marriage, babies
So he's deliberately misled you or he's done a complete U Turn? Confused

His text is all about him and his wants and feelings. Texting means there is no discussion over this or consideration of your feelings. Is he always this self absorbed?

ThePants999 · 29/03/2018 11:38

Dump the twat by telegram. HURT BY YOUR TEXT STOP AM LEAVING STOP BEST REGARDS

Idontdowindows · 29/03/2018 11:39

Well, at least you know where you stand with him. You have an inconsiderate oaf on your hands here.

Goodasgoldilox · 29/03/2018 11:45

He doesn't want babies more than he does want you?

Your feelings/needs wouldn't sway him in the least?

Well - now that you know how important you are to him - you can decide about this relationship. (Regardless of whether you want a baby or not!)

RapunzelIsHere · 29/03/2018 11:48
  1. Texting you that is disgusting.
  2. He clearly has no respect for you. He has told you his 'decision' with no discussion with you.
Viviennemary · 29/03/2018 11:49

Did you have any idea he felt like this. If not then it wasn't kind to send you this by text. But if it's been clear for a while that he isn't keen to have any more children then you should have picked up on this. But I still agree that it's better than being strung along for years with oh well when the credit card is paid off, when we move to a bigger house, when this that or the other happen. That's worse IMHO.

pigsDOfly · 29/03/2018 11:55

Well clearly he isn't bothered about your relationship working if he sends you texts like that.

Horrible. And I'm guessing if, in a few years he decides he'd had enough of you he'll be sending you a text to tell you so.

BadLad · 29/03/2018 11:58

HURT BY YOUR TEXT STOP AM LEAVING STOP BEST REGARDS

Don't telegrams cost per word?

Bugger the best regards.

Dvg · 29/03/2018 12:01

I agree with other people, it wouldn't be the baby thing making me leave i would be the thoughtless text in general but also i want 2 kids so wouldn't be happy settling for just 1.

Clandestino · 29/03/2018 12:01

Dump him. By text.

Tweetiepie1000 · 29/03/2018 12:06

He doesn’t seem to care very much about your feelings does he?

Honestly I would be packing his bags and texting him where he can find them (if you live together otherwise just dump him by text)

It’s not an equal relationship if he just makes the decision himself without any discussion.

To do it by text is cowardly and shows a complete lack of interest in how you may feel.

Fairenuff · 29/03/2018 12:09

If you don't mind not having any more children then stay with him if that's what you want.

If you don't mind having no say in any important decisions in your life then stay with him if that's what you want.

Otherwise dump him by text.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 29/03/2018 12:28

I agree with pp that you should dump him by text. 'Our relationship is over. Please make arrangements to find somewhere else to live', regards, sgib'

topology444 · 29/03/2018 13:00

Perhaps texting you shows how important this issue is to him and how pressured he feels. If one wants to see it positively then he wanted to be honest with you and did not find a good way of expressing it. After all there is not much to discuss if one does not want another child. There is not much room for compromise, or a different perspective, especially if he has already one. Since Autism awareness months is nearly here perhaps you can forgive him the wrong communication choice. Of course, you still have to decide how important another child is to you but to me this is separate.