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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What is racism

101 replies

lakeg · 29/03/2018 09:21

After being called a racist yesterday, i really want to know what makes a racist comment.

OP posts:
IAmWonkoTheSane · 29/03/2018 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user7680 · 29/03/2018 09:46

Oh well... why are you not saying what you said??

Derr · 29/03/2018 09:46

@AprilW great list there. The one about people getting annoyed at 'political correctness' gets me every time. People who claim this are just annoyed that they are getting called out on the offensive things they say!

user7680 · 29/03/2018 09:47

You sound very racist to me. What a sad creature you are

QuiteLikely5 · 29/03/2018 09:48

Basically do not mention anything at all relating to an individuals characteristics. Just don’t do it.

People on here have felt it was offensive when someone asked about their accent - I didn’t know this could upset

Just keep shtum!

PodgeBod · 29/03/2018 09:48

this is like those threads "AIBU to be upset that people are saying my unborn child's name is hideous and I should change it but I'm not telling you what the name is" and you're left wondering if it's a normal slightly out there name or if it's Pubert.

KingIrving · 29/03/2018 10:02

@Kubex , just scroll two post up, and DullandOld says it is offensive.
This just shows how delicate the topic is and how easily it is to offend someone without realising it.

falsepriest · 29/03/2018 10:02

Pubert Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

demonchilde · 29/03/2018 10:02

Bound to be one of those ‘all those bloody foreigners nicking our jobs/ homes/ lives’ ones.

If they wanted a definition on racism, they could google it ffs. Tedious ..

curious86 · 29/03/2018 10:03

People say different things are racist but if you won't say what you said then no one can really say why you were called racist

Marylou2 · 29/03/2018 10:03

I’m amazed you’re not bothered about being called racist OP. Most white people live in terror of this. I have a colleague at work who is completely incompetent. Her incompetence is absolutely nothing to do with her race,skin colour or religious background but no one, even HR, will challenge her behaviour. If you are in this type of situation OP I may have some sympathy. You need to elaborate.

paxillin · 29/03/2018 10:04

I am not bothered that I was called a racist. You aren't bothered about that Shock?

C8H10N4O2 · 29/03/2018 10:05

I think the racist card is pulled out when people do not want to discuss real problems.

The term "racist card" is invariably used by racists IME. And GFs.

I

CarlyCape · 29/03/2018 10:06

@KingIrving I am dark skinned with Afro hair. Many people have commented on how lovely it is (their words not mine), have asked me if it is high maintenance, have commented with surprise regarding me having a ridiculously dark tan from sitting in the UK sun for 3 hours. None of these things are remotely racist and I didn't bat an eyelid at any of them.

OP I'm sure you have good reason to not tell us what you said (most likely because it was racist or racially motivated in some shape or form). I agree that people are often scared to voice their opinions because they are scared of causing offence and I also become frustrated when people pull 'the race card' at every opportunity. It happens, but I assure you that the majority of individuals from ethnic minorities are much smarter than this. People who claim racism have often also experienced it themselves, so are extremely sensitive, and I can also relate to this. I think it is right that we treat carefully.

You say you don't care that you were called racist. This to me is slightly worrying. I wouldn't expect someone to head home and cry about it, but I would be internally hurting if someone said this to me. I would want to explain exactly why I said what I said and justify why it wasn't racist, or intended to sound so. Racism is really quite devastating, especially if you experience it as part of a minority. If you truly knew how it felt you might change your mind in regards to being upset about the accusation.

I don't really understand the point of your post, and find it bizarre that someone who is clearly an adult has to ask what racism is. If you don't even know what it is, how can you claim that you aren't racist?

Derr · 29/03/2018 10:07

@Marylou2 maybe their inability to address this person's incompetence has nothing to do with them presumably not being white? Plenty of incompetent people getting away with it in the workplace and the fact that you made the connection is interesting...

Catspaws · 29/03/2018 10:09

There isn't a single definition and it isn't always a straightforward as 'treating someone less favourably because of their race' (although that is part of it).

On an individual basis, racism is discriminating against people of colour on the basis of their race. This includes really obvious things like thinking people of colour are less intelligent or less capable, but it's also manifest in more subtle ways that might even seem positive at first - such as saying mixed race babies are prettier or black men are stronger. The reason these latter statements are racist are that they are fetishizing, and imply that black people are both homogenous and exotic. It can lead to real issues, for example black men being more likely to be shot by police because they are perceived as having unusual or dangerous physical strength or power.

There is also institutional racism, which is the way white people are prioritised at a broad level - for example, always centering the experiences of white people, it being more likely that white people will be hired than people of colour, the racial pay gap etc. Institutional racism works in favour of white people at every level - so while life might be hard for a poor white woman, it's still easier for her than it is for a poor black woman because black women face institutional barriers.

Obviously we don't know what your comment was (unless I've cross posted) but it's actually really easy to be racist without meaning to, even if your intentions are good. It's important to listen when you're accused of racism and see if you do need to learn or change. Just as men can't tell women what is or isn't sexist, white people can't tell people of colour what is or isn't racist. Instead we can listen and learn and do better next time if there is somewhere we have fallen short.

QuiteLikely5 · 29/03/2018 10:09

Carlycape

I’ve actually seen on MN where posters have said it’s racist to mention Afro hair - even positive comments to a person

I must admit I’d be terrified in real life to mention it after being in here but I did think fair enough it’s a characteristic and thought I’d been ignorant

kubex · 29/03/2018 10:09

Apologies @KingIrving, but I didn't see the post you were quoting.

demonchilde · 29/03/2018 10:10

Most white people live in terror of being called racist’

No, they really don’t. Speak for yourself. Ridiculous generalisation, a bit like a lot of racist comments are.

Mightymucks · 29/03/2018 10:10

Well. In the context of what you said yesterday, you said people should be wary of restaurants run by ‘a certain community’. That is racist.

If you had said ‘some restaurants have been linked with grooming in the past so before letting your daughter go to one alone warn her about inappropriate behaviour from older men and how to spot if people are doing things which aren’t appropriate in their jobs like offering freebies or alcohol’ then that wouldn’t have been racist.

Marylou2 · 29/03/2018 10:13

*@Derr * That’s the exact reason. I was in a performance meeting where it was discussed by senior management.It wasn’t my personal opinion.

CarlyCape · 29/03/2018 10:14

@DullAndOld can I ask, out of curiosity, why you think this could be offensive?

Also, I don't think using the term 'the race card' is offensive. I think it is wrong to use it when racism genuinely has occurred, but if someone of an ethnic minority was served in a bar slower than someone who is of an ethnic majority and starts claiming racism, this is when you would refer to 'the race card'. I've seen it a lot, and it's a real shame.

KingIrving · 29/03/2018 10:14

For some, a comment such as you have beautiful hair has a racist connotation and is an offence as this poster points out.

You never know

What is racism
Catspaws · 29/03/2018 10:15

@QuiteLikely5 it's fine to say 'your hair is pretty!' But that's clearly quite different to 'wow your hair is amazing, can I touch it?'. The first comment is a compliment, the second suggests an exotic creature you might find in a petting zoo.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/03/2018 10:17

I was in a performance meeting where it was discussed by senior management.It wasn’t my personal opinion

Your problem is with incompetent management/HR then. The fact they they use race as an excuse not to do their job is their responsibility, don't blame the employee for that.