To tell my 8yr old DS the facts of life?

[Olibats]

Had THE conversation with my 8yr old DS last week, in response to his specific questions (he already knew bits about pregnancy, eggs, how babies are born - all picked up along the way from various experiences, e.g. our hens laying eggs, watching natural history programmes, Aunty’s pregnancy etc).

Told him the mechanics of sex, used correct names for body parts & told him that he should not discuss the subject at school, as other children’s mums & dads will want to decide when to tell their children themselves.

I think he may have discussed it with one of his friends at school, as he told me his friends mum said he is not allowed to play with DS anymore. I texted mum (just a general ‘Hi how are you’) but no response. I suppose it could be something else entirely but boys seem on good terms & not aware of any issues through school.

Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have just fudged it? How old were your children when you told them this stuff?

I think that’s very young to be honest.

my (just) 9 year old went away on a residential and this was what they discussed after lights were out and she came back with questions based on what they had discussed which I answered just like you. They are Year 4 and are well aware that Year 5 has the "talk".

Also as she is 9 puberty could start so needed to be aware. From what she said most of them had a similar idea

I wouldn’t have gone into that much detail with my 8yo DS tbh. He knows the correct names for his own body parts and that his baby brother was inside my tummy and was born by coming out of my ‘hole’ which is called a vagina.

That’s it. He really doesn’t need to know any more at this age and tbh he would not be mature enough to process and understand it properly.

I think that sounds entirely reasonable. Age appropriate, guided by him asking and you told him not to talk to others about it. Would people really prefer you to have lied to him?

Sounds reasonable - some girls will be starting periods at 9/10

Oh forgot to add he has asked what sex is (heard the word at school). I told him it’s something grown ups do together and it’s how babies are made. If he’d wanted to know more detail I suppose I would have had to find some way of explaining for him, but he really wasn’t that bothered and trotted off quite happy to play minecraft!

The child asked, you answered. The problem (if that's what it is) is with the other parent. We got away with 'special cuddles' until our daughter was six, then she wanted more detail so she got them in as simple a manner as we could manage. Eight is not particularly young, it's not as though you sat him down in front of porn or gave him a demo in fairness.

I suppose it also depends what he has said to his friend and how!

I think it's fine, you answered his questions. My 8 year old knows thanks to her older sister (10) wanting to share her new found knowledge. And teachers know there's a world of difference between a child who know 'sex is when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina and sperm comes out and fertilizes the egg in the womb' and one that doesn't know the correct words but knows different kinds of details.

As far as the friend's Mum goes you have no idea if the story relayed by your DS is correct so don't worry about it. It might be a complete fiction made up by one of the boys, it might be the truth. You can't tell.

Told him the mechanics of sex, used correct names for body parts

I see absolutely nothing wrong in this.

I see an ongoing dialogue with my DC of a similar age about puberty, sex etc.

Anyone who objected I’d think was pretty uptight, honestly.

I've been on the other side of this.

I spoke with my oldest after he said something which indicated he already knew (I honestly can't remember what). He was 6.

I asked him if he knew he said he did then proceeded to tell me exactly what sex was and how pregnancy works. He said his friend at school told him. He was very relaxed about it all, we had already had conversations designed to make him aware of the ownership of his own body etc.

I was obviously a little bit surprised and not really comfortable with the fact his pal had told him but as the information was factually accurate and didn't seem crude overall it actually worked out well.

Looking back now it's very likely his friend was passing on information he had got from an adult who was educating him as the information was so accurate and not at all sensationalised.

whatisaname I told DD when she was 9, because she knew about eggs and sperm, but didn't know how the sperm got in there. Why is 8 too young, if he asked?

I grew up on a farm and knew the facts of life at 6. As long as its factual its not a problem.

I’m already explaining the facts of life gently to my five year old and am anticipating by your son’s age he will probably know most things. I don’t think you’ve done anything that wrong bar maybe giving him a huge amount of info in one go which might be why he felt the need to offload it elsewhere.

Seems absolutely fine. Try not to worry about the other mum, if she's not going to talk to you what else can you do?

Not telling children is a bigger mistake than telling them a bit too young. I was 11 when I found out the facts of life and it really stressed me out, I wish I'd had some warning rather than one day being delivered absolutely everything. It was too much and left me with some real hang ups. A relaxed, honest and gradual approach like you've taken it usually best imo.

In fact, my DC were about 5 & 3 when we first answered the question about “how does the sperm get from the daddy to the egg in the mummy’s tummy?”

It was in the car. My DH was driving and gave me the “over to you” look so I said “the man puts his willy into the woman’s vagina - the hole the baby comes out through when they’re born”.

And then they both laughed, said “don’t be silly, Mummy” and we moved on.

They don’t seem too deviant yet for discovering this at a tender age...

I suppose I don't ever anticipate having the talk, as opposed to an ongoing conversation.

My daughter is almost 8, and knows about eggs and periods, and how that relates to babies. I may or may not have mentioned the daddy part of baby making, I honestly can't remember, because I just try to casually answer her questions and not make it a big sit down event.

I honestly don't see why 8 is too young. It's a normal natural thing, it needn't be a silly secret that has everyone blushing and fussing.

I think you did the right thing, OP

Sounds ok 8 is a bit young but if he was asking questions it shows he was curious and ready to hear. The advice once a child asks a specific questions is to ask what they know already before launching in to anything because we may assume from their question they know more then they do which is not always the case and it also allows us to find out where they are at in their thinking so we don't bamboozle them with far too much information that they are not ready for or interested in yet. Always leave it open to come back with any further questions because once they have digested the info made sense of it they are bound to have more questions.

I would be a bit miffed if another mum wouldn't let your son play with their child because of it. You had asked him not to discuss it with friends but that was never going to happen. Not sure what the others mums problem is

Totally reasonable. My mum answered all of my questions as they came up and I was fully aware of the facts when my sister was born (I was 8.5).

It meant nothing was a big deal and it was easy to talk to her about bigger stuff as I got older - nothing was ‘off limits’ and I never got the patronising ‘you’re too young, I’ll tell you when you’re older’.

You of course need to tell in age appropriate ways but using correct anatomical names etc is very important and helps avoid confusion later on.

You absolutely did the right thing. By the time your d's is a teenager, if you have not been open and honest to his questions he won't speak to you about anything which could be dangerous. Sex is just a bodily function so why the angst and anxiety!

We never had one "The talk", I just explained gradually pretty much since they could talk. Since I was pregnant with ds2, ds1 asked questions about it. Then my sisters were pregnant too, so they were exposed to pregnancy a lot, and asked a lot of questions.

They're 7 and 5 now and know everything.

Mine were much younger when they knew. If I’m asked a question I answer in a factual age appropriate way.

My parents were always open about everything too. Luckily, as my boobs were growing by 8 and periods by 10.

8 is in no way too young; most kids will start hearing from friends or older siblings at that age anyway.