To tell my 8yr old DS the facts of life?

[Olibats]

Had THE conversation with my 8yr old DS last week, in response to his specific questions (he already knew bits about pregnancy, eggs, how babies are born - all picked up along the way from various experiences, e.g. our hens laying eggs, watching natural history programmes, Aunty’s pregnancy etc).

Told him the mechanics of sex, used correct names for body parts & told him that he should not discuss the subject at school, as other children’s mums & dads will want to decide when to tell their children themselves.

I think he may have discussed it with one of his friends at school, as he told me his friends mum said he is not allowed to play with DS anymore. I texted mum (just a general ‘Hi how are you’) but no response. I suppose it could be something else entirely but boys seem on good terms & not aware of any issues through school.

Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have just fudged it? How old were your children when you told them this stuff?

We're early developers in my family (my sister got her first period before she was 9) so I felt I had to tell DD everything by that age.

You should have started about 5 years ago.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. I really dont understand why parents lie to their children, I think its much more harmful than just answering perfectly normal questions, when it comes to telling them the truth its some huge scary thing that olou ahve had to lie and protect them from their whole lives and its means they will find out incorrect infomation at school also doesnt create an atmosphere where they are free to come and talk to you if you refuse to talk to them about it.
My kids are 3,4, 8 and 10, youngest know the basics havent got the maturity to understand everything but they know I am pregnant, how I got pregnant and how the baby is going to be born.
8 and 10 years olds know pretty much everything.

I am another "on going conversation" type.
No need ro have a big scary talk when they are hitting puberty themselves....imo it's too late by then and has the potential to be more distressing.

DS is 5 and through naturally evolving conversation and questions knows in an age appropriate way everything he needs.

He knew about periods at 2 cos he followed me everywhere and saw me emptying my mooncup.

8 is not too young imo. My 6 year olds have heard lots of stuff in the playground already - along the lines of special cuddles and kissing after you get married makes a baby. I've told them very basic basics that are actually correct.

YANBU at all OP

Mine knew all the details by 7.

Honestly it never occurred to me to warn him not to tell anyone else, do people really expect that?

Definitely not too young. I told my dd about sex when she was 8, toldmher about periods when she was 6 (she walked into the toilet just as I wiped myself and witnessed the unexpected arrival of my period)
Considering that some of dd’s friends have developed pubic hair I don’t think I’m jumping the gun too early by explained puberty and sex. Dd has a very relaxed attitude about it and realises it’s part of life and nothing to be worried or ashamed about.

Studies show that children who have not been told about the facts of life are easier victims for child abusers. The other mum may be thinking she is protecting her child, but she is doing the opposite.

Plus kids are hitting puberty earlier than ever.
At 8 it's not uncommon to start experiencing the first signs, and I know from others at school whose parents refused to have the talk early enough, for fear of damaging young minds, that it was bloody terrifying when the only stuff they heard about it was playground myths and exaggeration.

i tihnk it's good you're talking to them about it, and srely a gradual approach is best rather than tonnes of details all at once. no one ever talked to me about that stuff, i got it all from science classes in school which were pretty crap.

I think that’s very young to be honest.

Why?

Mine (and I) were much younger, so I see nothing wrong with this. The time to talk to them is when they ask questions.

I think the other mum is overreacting and not doing her child a favour.

My son is 7 and he knows about sex and periods. If he asked how/why we poop I would explain and as far as I'm concerned sex is just another fact of nature. My personal feelings are that at least he knows he can come to me for FACTUAL information when he hears nonsense in the playground.

Funnily enough my mum and her friends were having a conversation in the pub a few weeks back and the subject of kids came up and when to mention about sex. My mum said I had told my 7 year old and one woman was absolutely horrified claiming it was completely disgusting that I'd told him

It's not about taking away their innocence...It's about giving them the tools, power and knowledge to a) protect themselves against abuse b) not make an already often distressing and confusing time (puberty) much worse through ignorance and c) protect them against the terrifying playground myths that they will 100% be exposed to at some point.

It is good to start early when they are interested, he will soon be a very awkward pre teen and then it becomes harder and more embarrassing.
I don’t why some people are so precious about it, it is not a myth, it is a fact of life.
Next year you can talk about feelings, love and a little more detail each time. Building up to a full picture.
The other parent is being childish, but maybe they didn’t get the message. Pretty silly otherwise

I told my 7 year old because she asked where babies came from. She looked at me in absolute horror and asked if I knew anyone who had actually done it.

Ongoing conversation here too. DS1 is 10, DS2 is 7 and DD is 4.
DS1 first asked when I was pg with DD, so I told him. They have been around babies and pregnant people, so have asked questions which I have answered!

I had told my DC by this age but I did ask them not to tell their friends as this was something that parents want to tell their children. I assumed that some parents would take a more conservative viewpoint and might get upset or may be gradually telling their DC more based on their maturity.

Oh and d) make healthy sex and biology a normal, natural thing and nothing to hide or be ashamed of and e) give them to tools to combat porn based demands and understand what consent and healthy sex actually are.

8 isn't young!!
I would be amazed if he hasn't already been (mis)educated in the playground by now!

yanbu
it's good to talk and to remind dc of the facts. they will get meddled on the playground.

I told my 7 year old because she asked where babies came from. She looked at me in absolute horror and asked if I knew anyone who had actually done it. Haha I love this!

Horses for courses,some people will be happy for their child to know that info.others not so much..my 8 yr o,d is obsessed with being a utuber and not remotely interested in any facts of life.where as my friends 7 yr old is on his 5 th girlfriend,and talks about kissing a lot...I suppose your son asked,and you replied..what else could you do lie?. Maybe the mum was having a shitty day and hasn't got round to answering you x

The idea of ‘the talk’ seems so old-fashioned now that I’m a parent. Like, a one-off explanation of the whole complex thing? Puberty, sex for fun, warnings, procreation, everything?

A drip-feed of information, guided by their questions, using correct body parts, started from quite young? Sounds ideal.