To not want a hen do. And to not want to do the traditional night apart before wedding

[ExhaustedAndHormonal]

So we've booked wedding last wk for next yr. Absolutely buzzing.. Dp is constantly searching ideas for various bits. Think he's secretly more excited than me haha and love he's taking an interest

His best mate came the other r day and he asked him to be best man.. Then saying about stag do.. The conversation got onto my hen do and they were taken back by me saying I don't want one. I really don't. I'm. Not a huge drinker. I don't do Spas and stuff and last went to a nightclub probably when underage lol. So many years ago lol.

It's just not My thing to have all the fuss
( the thought of being centre of attention on the big day makes me feel sick.. So keeping it small)
Dp and his mate said oh you have to have one so u don't miss out and that I'd have fun... But I know I won't
Then the topics of tradition etc. And he said me and my best mate and sis should stay in a Hotel or something the night before wedding and he'd stay here with kids and sort them on the day etc.. But again.. Apart from being ill in hospital we've never stayed apart.. We're very close and always sit together etc so the thought of being apart fills me with dread..sad to be so loved up lmao.

This is all constantly on my mind. I want to be married and have a fab marriage.. But don't want fuss.
I'd love for him to go and have a great stag day/night. And I'd be more than happy staying in with a Chinese takeaway. But he says it's not fair. But surely if its my choice its perfectly fair?

Do what YOU want - I organised a night at my house for hen do - just buffet dinner and chatting, over by 10. We both stayed in the wedding suite the night before the wedding and I was so so glad to have him there and wake up together.

It is your wedding. You can be different and not have a hen do. Nothing wrong with a quiet wedding either.

I didn’t have a hen party and we stayed together in the same bed the night before (and we’d eloped, no guests!) do what makes you happy, I never understand tradition just for traditions sake.

I've been married twice and have never had nor been to a hen do.
If.you don't want one don't have one.

Other traditions that involve your partner (whether you spend the night before together or not etc) have to be a joint decision but the hen do is totally up to you.

OP I didn't have a hen do. I literally couldn't think of anything worse. We also had a small wedding (10 guests) because we really didn't want a fuss. I totally get it. We upset most of our family with our choices but they were our choices to make and I am so glad we did it our way. Those who did attend say it was the best wedding they've been to. It was so low key with a lovely meal afterwards and everyone got to talk to each other. Most importantly everyone was the centre of attention and not DH and I.

Stand your ground. The one thing we did do was spend the night apart. I hated the idea. We both did but we decided it was just one night. Neither of us really slept without the other but we both had friends with us and we both really enjoyed getting ready in the morning. It was wonderful coming together after a night apart. I can't even put it into words. I don't know you but I really don't think you'd regret it. It doesn't have to be a big deal but you could have a nice breakfast and pamper yourself or do what you want.

I didn’t have a hen do and DH didn’t have a stag do. We did spend the night apart which I hated and so did he equally. Looking back it was more about the tradition of it rather than looking at it logistically in that we had been living together for two years prior!

I stayed the night with my husband-to-be the night before our wedding at the hotel and it was lovely. We had awesome "last single night" sex and woke up the next morning and shared our wedding gifts to one another. He then went into the room of one of his groomsmen and I didn't see him again until the wedding later that day.

I would do it again in a heartbeat. But people raised their eyebrows and had very (oddly!) strong views about it, so be prepared to stand up for yourselves!!

Have not read all replies but I didn't have a hen I had a little do at my parents house with a few friends and some of my neighbors it was lovely and i refused to spend the night before the wedding apart . My husband left the morn of the wedding to my sil mom's house and I had the house to myself to get hair make up and dress on . Do what u want I let myself get bullied into doing other crap for the sake of tradition but the day of is about what you want

It's your wedding. You could just rock up at the registry office, sign the paperwork and get a bag of chips to share on the way home.
You don't NEED anything else, and you could even abandon the chips too!