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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why I am under so much pressure to give up breastfeeding?!

73 replies

Poppysarah · 28/03/2018 10:00

I’m sure IANBU but am genuinely confused as to others’ reactions to this.

I had my DD 9 weeks ago, difficult delivery culminating in forceps in theatre, 2 blood transfusions and back in hospital after 4 days with sepsis.

It had been 7 hours since delivery and hadn’t been able to get DD to latch on. This was a combo of being unable to get correct positioning because of wires, canulas and spinal block and also just being too ill ( don’t really remember what was going on). I remember crying that my DH needed to give DD a bottle but agreeing with the midwife that she would continue to help me bf. After 2 days of expressing colostrum we cracked it and have been ebf ever since with little trouble (apart from the normal cluster feeding sore nips etc).

I am by no means a breastfeeding ambassador, I just felt that if I was able to I would try and if it ever got to the point where it wasn’t the best thing for DD in that she wasn’t thriving or it was affecting my parenting I would go onto formula no question.

I am now really enjoying it, DD has put on 3lbs and drs and hv comment on how healthy she looks. She is very hard work sometimes as she has reflux and a very big set of lungs.

MIL and various other family members encourage me to put her on formula ALL THE TIME. It really pisses me off! Comments such as ‘you don’t know how much she is getting’ ‘she has got all the benefits now’ ‘she must be hungry’ etc...

I express often so I know that my milk production is fine, I’ve worked hard to get her to accept a bottle so I can leave her if necessary, I cover up when feeding...what is the problem?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 28/03/2018 10:02

The problem is all theirs. Don't engage with them about it at all.

blackteasplease · 28/03/2018 10:05

Yanbu at all. MIL is either just being old fashioned and peddling views from her time or just wants a go of feeding baby herself (but if you are expressing she can anyway!). You have to learn to ignore and if she doesn't stop consider not seeing her so much. Ingress you wouldn't want to let her mind the baby at the moment in case she start formula feeding!

Only thing is there's no need to cover up to feed unless you really want to. No one should pressure you to do this. It's probably nicer for baby not to have his / her head covered up!

Lilonetwo · 28/03/2018 10:05

Feed your baby in the way that works for you both. Full stop. You don't need to justify it to your family

Bumpitybumper · 28/03/2018 10:08

YANBU. Infant feeding can be so divisive and people can have really strong views for loads of different reasons. I think it's best not to get into the topic with MIL as it is unlikely she will agree with you and her comments won't help you.

It sounds like you're doing really well so just keep at it and ignore what anyone else says.

Lightsong · 28/03/2018 10:09

My MIL was (and still is 1 year later!) like this and I honestly think the only reason she wanted me to put DS on formula was so he could be passed around like a toy for everyone to have go at feeding and sleep over when he was tiny. Needless to say, I never let it happen.

If your DD is putting on weight and doing well you don't need to know how much she's getting, and the benefits of breastfeeding don't just stop at 9 weeks FFS! You are doing great, the problem is all theirs.

midnightmisssuki · 28/03/2018 10:09

dont listen to them - my son is 1.5 and i dont know when i will stop (i also dont know how to!) Do what is best for you. Not them.

Cheekylittlenumber · 28/03/2018 10:10

The comments are exhausting and trust me family/friends will always have opinions on every aspect of parenting.

My SILs would say 'she's feeding AGAIN!?' when we were out in a restaurant and 'Aren't you embarrassed getting them out in public?' One is a teen so I can kind of excuse her ignorance and immaturity but the other SIL is in her 20's and works with babies at a nursery so isn't a complete idiot. To her defence I don't think she's been exposed to breastfeeding within her family circle.

It's still bloody annoying but the comments aren't limited to bf- they'll talk about EVERYTHING so get used to saying 'we're fine with what we're doing thanks'.

eeanne · 28/03/2018 10:12

Ignore them.

Your MIL is either jealous of the time/cuddles you have with the baby and wants to be able to give a bottle and participate. Or she formula fed and is taking your choice to BF as a personal insult to her parenting choices.

Neither is a good reason for you to stop something you enjoy and by all standards is a lovely healthy choice for your child.

TheHulksPurplePants · 28/03/2018 10:13

For every woman EBF being pressured to FF, there's a FF being pressured to EBF. For whatever reason how you feed your baby is of interest to everyone, and you will NEVER EVER get it right with everyone. Do what's best for you.

Isadora2007 · 28/03/2018 10:14

Some people will do it to get “their share” of the baby. Most often the grannies of the baby.
Other mums may also feel sad/guilty they didn’t BF and so they want you to not do it so they don’t feel worse. This is like your fat friend who sabotages your attempts to diet.
Then there is the just plain ignorant- what they think are facts are based on formula adverts (this formula is the closest one to breast milk is like saying when I’m standing on a chair I’m closer to the moon- factually yes, I am closer but relatively speaking it is still LIGHT years away).
Smile and ignore. Rinse and repeat.

And well done- enjoy! Just wait til you hear what they say if you’re still feeding at a year, or 2!!! 😂

greenyblue · 28/03/2018 10:16

Well done for persevering and doing so well!
It can be hard to ignore comments, but you must; they are in the wrong.

If you have a local Baby Cafe for bf they can be a good place to be with like-minded women for a bit which helps to counteract the negative!

Alibaba87 · 28/03/2018 10:18

YANBU I think as another poster said, it’s probably more about them thinking if on formula they will get a go to feed. Also I think lots of mothers/MIL at this age did have bottle feeding pushed rather than breastfeeding. I know my MIL did and she often makes comments. LO is combi fed, she was feeding baby once with formula and said ‘it’s just nice to know that she’s getting fed properly once a day isn’t it’. She was honestly completely oblivious as to how that case across!

BubblesAndSquarks · 28/03/2018 10:18

Some people (especially older family members IME) seem to think the way they did things is the only acceptable way.

I had a lot of comments like this from someone, in the end I just said 'shes a human baby, human milk is better for her than modified powdered cows milk' every time formula was pushed, and she stopped mentioning it soon after.
I'd tried all the 'I'm happy feeding her like this, shes fine BFing' etc softer responses and it didn't seem to get the point across.

FittonTower · 28/03/2018 10:26

Feeding your baby for some reason is one of those parenting things that everyone has a strong oppinion on. Its infuriating and makes mothers feel dreadful at a time when we are hormonal, weak and exhasted. It makes me angry that people feel the need to do this.
I combi fed my second and i got people telling me to give more formula and people telling me that i should be breastfeeding. You really can't win so try to block it out and keep doing what makes your baby grow and you happy

PercyPigAddict · 28/03/2018 10:26

For every woman EBF being pressured to FF, there's a FF being pressured to EBF

Is this true though? In my experience people bend over backwards not to say anything negative about ff, at least to your face!

Pseudousername · 28/03/2018 10:32

PercyPigAddict yes it is true.

WeMustGetOffTheMountain · 28/03/2018 10:35

YANBU. I had two years of that with my second. I stupidly gave in to pressure with my first and stopped ebf at 4 months and stopped bf completely at 8 months. I really regretted it and swore the same wouldn't happen with my second and bf her til she was 2. Do not let people put you off doing what is right for you and your baby.

PrettyLittIeThing · 28/03/2018 10:35

I even get it off by children! It just goes to show the power of formula advertising because my children have both asked me in the shops if we can buy formula for the baby like the babies on tv! I use to get comments off my mum aswell such as "why don't you give her a bottle of milk before bed so she sleeps better."

PrettyLittIeThing · 28/03/2018 10:37

I don't know anyone who has ff (which is 90% of people I know) who has had comments made to them about bf.

gussyfinknottle · 28/03/2018 10:40

I was too ill to bf. Got loads of negative comments about my failure.
Op, well done. There's an outside chance your MIL is trying to be helpful but she should back off if you've found a way that works. Good luck.

gussyfinknottle · 28/03/2018 10:40

Woah! So good, it said it three times. Sorry!

throwcushions · 28/03/2018 10:41

I suspect you only know about the comments if they are being made to you so your experience will be shaped by whether you BF or FF. Mind you the main person who has made comments to me about BF is a FF mum of a baby the same age.

TheHulksPurplePants · 28/03/2018 10:42

Yes PercyPigAddict it's true. I had so much pressure that I eventually started lying and telling everyone I was EBF.

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