Would you tell someone their DH was cheating?

[SharronNeedles]

So basically a male friend has confided in me that they have slept with another (male) colleague. My friend doesn't know that I know our colleague's wife through the gym. We aren't best mates or anything, but I see her a few times a week, occasionally we grab a coffee after the gym if we have time.
My friend says he only realised our colleague was married after it had happened. He said that our colleague confessed his feelings after a few drinks and apparently my friend knew he was gay for ages.
I have worked with our colleague for years and even attended his wedding. I just can't see him being gay let alone cheating.
So either
A) colleague is secretly gay and cheating on his wife
B) friend is lying
My friend loves drama but I have no idea if they would stoop to lying about this. Also have no idea why I have been involved!
WWYD? Do I say anything? Ignore it? Play dumb?

Is this instance i'd stay quiet but I would want to blab so most likely would just avoid the wife like the plague. Just remember they shoot the messenger and this is work territory it would make for one hell of a HR meeting.

Absolutely not. Other people’s relationships are their business, no one else’s

Whether it is true or not it is irrelevant. Those involved will work through the issue anyway. It may be a bit of a drama - wishful thinking - it may be true. Something may come of it, or nothing. Just forget what you've heard and carry on regardless.

By the way - when I was 25 my flatmate asked if a friend of hers could stay for a couple of weeks. he did. We chatted in the kithcen and once in the pub.

A year later I discovered he'd told everyone he'd been sleeping with me. It was his way of bragging to his mates at work and as I didn't know any of them he never expected to get caught out.

Not your circus, not your monkeys

He confided in you, leave it, not your business and it might not even be true.

Keep the info to yourself. It seems that the messenger always pays a price for bringing indiscretions out into the open. Sooner or later, your gym friend will probably have an instinct that something is not right.

It is tough being in your position and you have my sympathy.

It's easy for me to say that I would want to know if I were in her position which is why I'm questioning whether I should say anything.
I do realise that it is none of my business, I just don't know how I can look her in the eye anymore. Would you not be annoyed if you realised people knew and didn't say anything?

IIIIIIIGGGGGGNNNNOOOORE

No, not in your case. A close friend then yes.

You should wait until your sure. But you should send her a letter or something.

It's utter shit when your the only one who doesn't know you dp is cheating scum

Would you not be annoyed if you realised people knew and didn't say anything?

Not as annoyed as I would be if someone told me someone else's bullshit that could potentially destroy my marriage tbh.

You work together, which adds a whole other layer of difficulty. I would keep it to myself (and definitely don't tell anyone else at work).

What if you tell your friend that you know the colleague's wife and are thinking to telling her? Surely if he's lying he will confess then so it doesn't get out in the open?

I have a friend who's husband left her (after 20 years of marriage and 3 kids) because he is gay.

It has broken her, she will never forgive him for robbing her if the best years of her life to keep up the presence of a lie.

What has hurt her the most is a lot of people knew and said nothing, people she thought were friends. She has lost them too,

So....yes I would have to tell her, because I've seen the destruction keeping someone's secrets can do to a person.

You don't even know if it's true. Keep it to yourself

Can you tell the husband that if he doesn’t tell his wife you will?

I would stay out. The messenger never comes out well. And this is all work related so be prepared for HR to be involved at some point if you start making waves.

Leave them to it.

If maybe say something if I was directly involved, but you e Houston heard it from your colleague.

No. Other peoples relationship dynamics are their business.

People only want to run and tell because they get a malicious pleasure out of slowly twisting the knife in and watching someone elses world collapse. Its rather a case of the 'smug me's' - "poor, Mary, how could Fred do that, my OH would never do that, I'm, sooo lucky".

I would tell your work colleague what your friend said. Maybe if he knows that others know he'll tell his wife.

Not in these circumstances. If it was a very close friend then yes I'd want to tell them but it sounds like your not close with these people. They may have an agreement!

NewYear that is definitely not the reason I thought I should tell her. That's quite twisted to think that way tbh.

Milk that's a good point.

Thank you for your answers. Perhaps if I casually mention to my friend that I know colleague's wife then maybe he'll either speak to colleague himself or admit he's lied. I won't say anything to the wife now. As you say, it could be a lie. Ill also tell friend to not involve me in this as he's putting me in an impossible position. If it comes out and is true, do I tell her I knew?

I told my best friend it was messy and she ultimately chose to stay with him...he's still cheating now. I find the friendship very hard.

I was in this position so told the woman's sister. I didn't want to have the choice myself. Her sister, I felt was more in a position to make the choice.

She chose not to tell her sister that her DH had a one night stand but she DID tell the DH that she knew what he had done and one more thing or SNIFF of anything and she would tell.