Would you tell someone their DH was cheating?

[SharronNeedles]

So basically a male friend has confided in me that they have slept with another (male) colleague. My friend doesn't know that I know our colleague's wife through the gym. We aren't best mates or anything, but I see her a few times a week, occasionally we grab a coffee after the gym if we have time.
My friend says he only realised our colleague was married after it had happened. He said that our colleague confessed his feelings after a few drinks and apparently my friend knew he was gay for ages.
I have worked with our colleague for years and even attended his wedding. I just can't see him being gay let alone cheating.
So either
A) colleague is secretly gay and cheating on his wife
B) friend is lying
My friend loves drama but I have no idea if they would stoop to lying about this. Also have no idea why I have been involved!
WWYD? Do I say anything? Ignore it? Play dumb?

I'm a bit by the pp's who wouldn't say anything, I hope none of you are my friends!

I'd speak to your colleague and tell him what was said, at least if it's true you can make an informed decision about his wife. If it's not true, surely he deserves to know someone is spreading rumours about him? I always think about what I would want if I was in that position. I'd want to know.

Poor woman....I'm shocked so many people saying don't tell her (protect yourself) the messages is always shot etc.

I hope none of you are my friends in a time if need.

Not unless

a) it was a close friend
b) I had concrete proof and
c) there was a very high chance of them finding out from someone else.

Confinded, bragged more like. Horrible cheating cunt. This poor oblivious women aka his wife who he made his vows to deserves better. Oh and if the one he shagged knoes he has a wife. She's not mUch better.

Yes I would tell her. She deserves to know

Tell her. I would want to know. What if they are having unsafe sex?

I wouldn't tell as you really don't know if it is true.

It's horribly common for married men to be gay. I know quite a few who have kept up the pretence for over thirty years whilst either having lots of casual sex or having serious long term relationships with men.

I probably wouldn't want to get involved because the messenger always gets it in the neck. If it were a very close friend or something I would probably say it but when you're only relying a bit of gossip and you don't know her that well then I'd stay out of it. Poor her though if it's true, not only has he cheated but you'd question your whole relationship being a lie if he's gay as well

HollyBay why do I need to gain something from this?
I'm not making this about me at all. I have been given some information which may directly impact a friend (albeit not a close, close friend). This is about whether I should giver her this information or not. I won't gain anything from this, I may well lose a friend and the confidence of another friend. So this hardly makes me a winner does it.
My gay friend does love drama, so on the one hand I can see him pursuing a married man, but I can also see him lying about this.
I would like to know. That's all I can think about. And how can I sit and listen to my female friend talk about her future plans which include my colleague when in the back of my mind I have this information about her husband.

In this situation the messenger is generally always shot, generally at point blank range. People don’t appreciate others medelling in their relationships. Your friend likely wouldn’t even believe you tbh, that is generally how it goes. I would leave it.

Who cares if the messenger is shot, I'd still rather be truthful to someone I like and respect rather than avoid in case it backfires on me!

I’d rather take the chance of being shot tbh.
As chances are, if she finds out you knew and didn’t say anything, then the friendship will more than likely be over anyway.

What would you persoanlly gain from telling?

Did you know that some of us sometimes make decisions based on things other than "what I would personally gain from this"?

I would tellif I knew for surebecause I think it's the right thing to do, because of things like STIs, because my blissfully unaware friend could be in the process of planning a pregnancy or couple-based financial commitments and has a right to know what is going on before she goes ahead and does something like that, because not telling the woman increases her ultimate humiliation when she finally does find out and discovers that she was the last one to know.

If I did not know for sure, I would tell the guy that I was giving him a chance to come clean--and hopefully this would shed some light on whether this actually happened or not.

I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is but would just like to say from personal experience I wish someone had told me.

My oldest sons father was having an affair with a man behind my back (when it eventually did come out no one believed it, he couldn't possibly be gay.) I found out later that one of my friends had known something was going on because her sister was friends with the OM plus a few other friends of friends knew as well. Not one person told me (and it was apparently going on for a year) and I will never get over that.