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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Normal child behaviour or not?

54 replies

PrettyLittIeThing · 26/03/2018 19:03

Is it normal for a 6 year old to tell you they hate you? My child's behaviour has become really challenging recently and he pretty much tells me daily (at some point) he hates me. Is this normal?

OP posts:
IlikemyTeahot · 26/03/2018 19:07

I'd say that's normal (my older dc are 11 and 9 now) both were nightmares around 6 years old. My friends have also had the same with their kids at that age

BarbarianMum · 26/03/2018 19:11

Saying they hate you is pretty normal at that age, yes. Sorry, horrible isnt it? 6 was one of the "difficult" years as I recall (along with 2, 4, 8 and 9).

EB123 · 26/03/2018 19:12

Yep!

arethereanyleftatall · 26/03/2018 19:19

Mine have never said it, but I have heard other children do so.

elizabethdraper · 26/03/2018 19:22

It's the most common phrase out of my 3 years mouth

Original poster
PrettyLittIeThing · 26/03/2018 19:23

Glad to hear it's normal. Was starting to take it personal! My dd is a year older and has never said it so I did wonder..

OP posts:
LoopyLoo92 · 26/03/2018 19:27

My experience with my 6 yr old dc.... they're very much trying to be independent at the moment and doesn't want or need help from me with anything.

Dont take it personally.... its said more in frustration and maybe to get a reaction.

gamerwidow · 26/03/2018 19:29

Yes normal, DD also likes the occasional ‘I hate my life everything is so hard’ too. She’s got a big disappointment when she gets to adulthood if she’s finding being 7 hard Grin

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 26/03/2018 19:31

Normal to me. Both of mine have said it to me enough times, who is “emotional”. Water off a ducks back now. Stung a bit when it was first yelled at me mind you.

Lilmisspink81 · 26/03/2018 19:39

Sorry to hear as it must hurt and hope I never hear it!!
Have you asked why? Maybe an underlying reason?
My friend's child did this at 8yo as she didn't like the partner she was living with for 4 years and went through a really angry and challenging time (he wasn't great with DD and he's long gone now)

Original poster
PrettyLittIeThing · 26/03/2018 19:54

I've asked him and he says he is not sure, I don't have a partner or anything (lone parent.)

OP posts:
headoutofthesand · 26/03/2018 20:03

DC1 is 8.5 and has never used the word except in respect of brussel
sprouts.
Almost 6yo DC2 tells me he hates me on a daily basis, tells DC1 it several times a day & tells DH once a week. There is a long list of other things that he hates. To be honest, it's a massive improvement on screaming (18mths - 3.5) or hitting (3.5yrs - 5yrs). I'm not sure what the next phase will involve! DC1's preferred option were stamping her foot (18mths - 2.5yrs), crying (2.5yrs - now), flouncing (last year or so). Like other phases, it is only ever when at home with family - not at school, the childminder or if friends are over.
I either completely ignore him, tell him that I love him anyway, tell him that he is being horrible but I still love him or that all children hate their parents at some point and that that is part of life.
Before I had children, I would have been horrified to see a child behaving like DS does sometimes. Now I just see it as part of life!

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 26/03/2018 20:04

Gosh yes, completely normal-my 6 year old hates everyone & everything some days... Hmm

lattewith3shotsplease · 26/03/2018 20:07

OP,
Perfectly normal behaviour .

It means you are doing a good job.

Turnocks34 · 26/03/2018 20:09

My sons aren’t yet 4, but I remember at that age writing my mum a letter, specifically to tell her I hated her. Unfortunately I kept spelling ‘hate’ as ‘heat’ so it lost all effectiveness.

Booboostwo · 26/03/2018 20:11

My DD started saying she hated me and it was very out of character for her. It went on for months and I just couldn't find a way of getting her to see that this is not a pleasant way to speak to me. Then she incidentally told me she was being bullied at school and it turned out the little boy kept telling her he hated her. Her teacher dealt with it very well and my DD stopped telling me she hate me overnight.

I don't think all the children who say I hate you are passing on a bully's hurtful comments, but it does happen sometimes.

Pinkvoid · 26/03/2018 20:11

Yep, normal. I get that and “nobody loves me!” whilst sitting in a warm, loving home. It honestly just means they feel secure which seems weird, I know.

Chocolate1984 · 26/03/2018 20:13

Mine hates me & wishes I wasn't her mum. She also wants to move to America when she is a grown up & I'm not allowed to live in her house or visit her. She then cries because she will miss me.

FortheloveofJames · 26/03/2018 20:18

It remember when my brother was 5/6 (I am 3 years older) would regularly tell me and my dad that he hated us and he wished we’d die 😂😂😂

rosybell · 26/03/2018 20:18

This is a reassuring thread! My 6 year does this weekly. Once he said 'I'm going to hate you for the rest of this year and one more day after that' (luckily it was December)

He has also expressed a wish for a different mummy.

When can I expect this phase to end!?

HPandBaconSandwiches · 26/03/2018 20:19

Normal.
I always reply with “that’s ok, I love you enough for both of us”. Just because it gives me something to say rather than just looking hurt!

MMcanny · 26/03/2018 20:23

My kids 10 and 14 have never said this. What are you doing at the time? Are you very bossy/controlling? I remember feeling like that when I was a kid but my mother liked to spank. As a result I’ve gone the other way as a parent. And they seem pretty happy with my performance. Other people all say they’re lovely boys too so they haven’t gone crazy desperate for rules/consequences. I may regret this when they’re 40 and still living at home but I’d never want to make my kids hate me. I’d feel I’d failed if they did. We have been fortunate though I think people often take a hard line if they have to live in straightened circumstances. I’ve yet to get all the way through the teen years though so who’s to say it won’t change.

Felicitycity · 26/03/2018 20:24

It's upsetting , but normal. Poor you. Kids can be little gits at times.
I'm sure he loves you really.

Alittlebitofthis · 26/03/2018 20:25

My nearly 6yo ds says this a lot. Along with he wants a new mummy and/or daddy. I've told him how hurtful it is. There's a few other kids at the school saying it too.

Mydoghatesthebath · 26/03/2018 20:31

Sorry no not allowed in our house. No one used the word hate unless it’s about a really horrible behaviour like hiring animals.

I had friends whose kids said this and I honestly think it needs nipping in the bud. It’s horribly behsviour.

Sorry but the 6 year olds getting away with this type of disrespect and nasty behaviour we’re doing it at 16 too in our friendship circle.

It’s not acceptable and should be challenged. 6 year olds have no more right to be hurtful then anyone else. You teach them better

Sorry