AIBU to worry about my daughter's weight and limit what she eats?

[procrastinationsupremo]

My daughter is 2 years old. We recently measured her for fun to mark on the door frame. Then she went into hospital with croup and they weighed her to work out how much medication to give her. I put the information into a BMI calculator, which said that she is obese. Since moving onto solids she has always had a very healthy appetite and will eat pretty much whatever she's given. Because she has always eaten big meals I have never given her any snacks in between. She is never given cake, crisps, biscuits etc. unless we're at a party etc. I have asked the nurse and staff at her nursery about her weight and they have all said that she doesn't appear overweight at all and that the BMI is not a good measure for younger children. I have struggled with my weight over the years and don't want to pass my anxieties on to her. Similarly I don't want to set her up with a weight problem. She is very active and constantly on the go, but I do worry about how much she eats and wonder how much she would eat if we didn't monitor her portion sizes. Buffets are particularly difficult! I know my friends think I'm being uptight and a bit mean, but their children are all very skinny (as Mumsnet always seems to say children 'should be') and they are constantly offering their children snacks they seem utterly disinterested in! Perhaps I should relax a bit?? I'd be grateful for any advice.

When you say 'big meals', how big are we talking?

At 2 years old I would leave her be at a buffet. Maybe you could reduce her meal size and see if she is satisfied with that. I ve had 3 good eaters and am so glad mine weren't fussy.

I would reduce her meals slightly , if she eats big meals now she will continue to do so . Both of my dc are great eaters but I still cautiously control their intake . I'm slightly overweight although fit Ans I don't want my dc to be overweight . They have no idea but I think I'm being wise . No doubt others will disagree 🤷‍♀️

The BMI calculator is shit for children, so I doubt your daughter is overweight.

She's 2. Leave her be. As long as you feed her healthy food and she's active it's fine.

Speak to your HV or GP about your concerns. Maybe keep a food diary for a week or two and take it with you. YANBU but please don't compare your DD to other kids - you can't see her friends ancestors to know the kind of genetic make up they have. I'd give my eye teeth for kids that don't constantly ask for snacks (on top of decent meals 3 x daily...).

Not massive I don't think (though we have reduced them of late). Today she had 3 dessert spoons (dry) of porridge made with full-strength milk and half a banana. She had a cheese and cucumber sandwich (one large slice of bread) and 4 strawberries. For dinner she had one large sausage and 2 heaped dessert spoons of beans and about a tablespoon and a half of mash. She ate every single bit and asked for more, but she never makes any fuss when I say no.

should have said YANBU to worry, given your own anxieties, hence my recommendation you get a second opinion.

Ha! `Full strength' should have said full fat! I also forgot to say she has 4oz of full fat milk each day too.

The rule I was taught with carbs like potato is no bigger than the recipient's fist so a table spoon and a half might be a bit much on the mash side unless she has a big fist!

You really need to speak to your HV before you limit your daughter in any way, cutting full fat dairy etc out can be dangerous in young children. Get proper professional advice.

Bin the BMI calculator. Check her height and weight against her red book graphs instead.

I’d see the health visitor and check her height and weight on the percentiles chart in her red book.

She doesn’t sound like she’s overeating although you could ask the GP if you’re worried. I remember being told that my DS was overweight at a hospital visit once. The nurse then looked up and burst out laughing....my DS was a skinny wretch but had a huge and heavy head. He’s 6’3” now and still growing (and lighter than me!) Try not to stress but get advice if it would help you. Xx

I would just stop sweet food, apart from fruit, and only give her water or milk to drink. I thought she was going to be a teenager from the thread header - that would've been much more difficult.

If anything I would say your portions sound very small

Please take her to see your gp as you should not be doing this to your daughter without medical advice. You cannot go on a bmi chart and I very much doubt your daughter is clinically obese.

If you're unable to manage food for her properly because you have issues surrounding food, body image and diet, then seek medical help. Kids grow so fast at that age, they can appear podgy one moment and have a growth spurt and appear skinny the next. You've already been told by a nurse she doesn't look remotely overweight never mind obese, and yet here you still are.

My DD was accused of being obese by her GM and she tried to get me to put her on a diet. She was 18mths old. My HV laughed and told me my DD was fine. She was not a skinny child and was always chunky and now aged 14 is pin thin and has a good attitude to food and eats healthily and what she wants. From looking at what you give her it sounds fine. If worried go and see a HV, you don't want to pass your own weight anxiety onto your DD.

The BMI isn’t a reliable measure for such a young child, ask a professional about her weight.

It already seems you are projecting your issues onto her, going by your mention of your own struggles and that you listed exactly what your daughter ate.

Yes, look at the graph

My youngest was technically "overweight" from age 2-5 according to bmi, I was one of those parents that refused to have him weighed at school as I did not want all the "helpful" advice.

He got taller and slimmer over time, he is now in the middle for weight, and top end for height.

We just stuck with 3 normal meals a day (similar to yours) and 1 snack a day, and being very active

That worked for us.

Don't worry too much

I honestly don't think this is something you should do off your own back if you recognise you have anxieties around food/weight. It's really good advice to seek the HV's opinion.

My concern is that she's still growing fast and it may be genuine hunger. Lots of kids are chubbier just before they shoot up in height and I wouldn't want you to misjudge obesity for growing iyswim.

I would say to keep up prompting to drink though. Even adults mistake thirst for hunger.

It's be a good thing to have healthier snack/meal ideas though especially ones that keep her full.

I sympathise though, I have a 2 year old dd and find it hard to balance sometimes especially as she seems to enjoy food so it's recognising hunger over want sometimes. I just need her understanding to be a little better to trust she's not truely hungry.

Rather than calculating BMI it might be worth using the percentile charts for height and weight for toddlers. I think that would better reflect what range her weight should be in.
I would personally tend to say if you've never pushed or encouraged her to empty a plate beyond her natural appetite then you shouldn't worry - I just trust my DC to self regulate. But with your concerns about passing on anxieties I agree with PPs that perhaps seeing your GP or HV is a good idea, if only to set your mind at rest and allow you to relax around DD and food.

I wouldn't call today's food a large amount for a 2 year old - if she's active and well and happy then just don't give her massive amounts of stuff that's bad for her but if she's hungry let her eat good stuff - doubt you go to buffets often so let her get on with it, but make sure she eats more savoury than sweet if you're worried. I think you're too bothered and it's probably due to your weight issues - relax, kids a lot of the time get rid of any surplus through exercise and never sitting still.

Sorry but you are the one with the problem. You have a disordered attitude towards eating. Please get help before you pass it on to your DD. And also please bear in mind that we still live in a culture which has a particularly toxic attitude towards women and girls with regard to food: they should eat less than they want and must be thin. Don't starve your DD. The BMI is utter nonsense.

My 2 year old has always been solid although hes definitely thinning out as he's growing.

Today he has had: 1 and a half slices of crutless wholemeal toast and an apple, one slice of bread cream cheese sandwich, small bag of quavers, cheesestring and two mini jammy Dodgers and a Clementine, a banana mid afternoon, tea was broccoli, mash and 2 richmond frozen sausages with a plum for afters. He never stops, we joke he has no "walk" function only a "run" button.

Your daughter sounds perfectly healthy, nothing wrong with not offering snacks if she doesnt need them but i dont think shes overeating at all.

Today she had 3 dessert spoons (dry) of porridge made with full-strength milk and half a banana. She had a cheese and cucumber sandwich (one large slice of bread) and 4 strawberries. For dinner she had one large sausage and 2 heaped dessert spoons of beans and about a tablespoon and a half of mash.

That doesn’t sound like much at all. Mine eats much more than that.