AIBU to worry about my daughter's weight and limit what she eats?

[procrastinationsupremo]

My daughter is 2 years old. We recently measured her for fun to mark on the door frame. Then she went into hospital with croup and they weighed her to work out how much medication to give her. I put the information into a BMI calculator, which said that she is obese. Since moving onto solids she has always had a very healthy appetite and will eat pretty much whatever she's given. Because she has always eaten big meals I have never given her any snacks in between. She is never given cake, crisps, biscuits etc. unless we're at a party etc. I have asked the nurse and staff at her nursery about her weight and they have all said that she doesn't appear overweight at all and that the BMI is not a good measure for younger children. I have struggled with my weight over the years and don't want to pass my anxieties on to her. Similarly I don't want to set her up with a weight problem. She is very active and constantly on the go, but I do worry about how much she eats and wonder how much she would eat if we didn't monitor her portion sizes. Buffets are particularly difficult! I know my friends think I'm being uptight and a bit mean, but their children are all very skinny (as Mumsnet always seems to say children 'should be') and they are constantly offering their children snacks they seem utterly disinterested in! Perhaps I should relax a bit?? I'd be grateful for any advice.

I think even limiting portions is a bad idea in a typical child.

Our family has always followed Ellyn Satter and the eating competency model. She is a dietician and therapist, so she knows what she is talking about. Parents decide what food to offer and at what times, children decide what and how much to eat.

The way you deal with food now will affect your child's relationship with food for life. She needs to learn to eat when she is hungry, to enjoy food, and to stop when she is full. Limiting portions (or making kids clean their plates) interferes with this.

I wouldn't restrict a 2 year old like this at all, to be honest it does sound like your anxiety is at play. None of the staff at Nursery think there is an issue and from what you've said about what she's eaten that's not really a huge amount at all.

I think maybe you should discuss with a Hv Or GP.

I know I sound really uptight and controlling, but honestly I'm not really!! I knew it would be helpful for you to have an idea of how much she ate in an average day, so I tried to be exact as possible. I do measure portions as I have been advised that it's sensible to do so. I think it's pretty tough as a parent to know what to do for the best - so many of my friends worry that their children don't eat enough! Thank you for all your advice, the last thing I want to do is pass on any issues I might have. Even though my Mum is brilliant and we're very close I'm not sure she did me many favours with regards to food. Most of my family are very slim and there were a lot of 'broad in the beam' type remarks as I was growing up... My husband did take her to the weighing in thingy at our children's centre but she point blank refused to get on the scales. Their advice was basically 'she doesn't look overweight, she sounds like she eats healthily, don't worry about about it'. I doubt I'll be able to see a HV before her 2.5 year check, but I'll try.

I agree with most of the PP.

Rather than worrying about food, I would focus on increasing activity as much as possible for all sorts of good developmental reasons. Reduce screen time - no tablets, minimise TV, encourage her to walk rather than riding in a buggy/car. Give her access to as much unprocessed food as she wants (preferably veg. and fruit, no sugar) and plenty of water. Her body should work out how much she needs...

Seriously. Ignore the bmi thing

My dd was a real chunk when she was a baby and still had a lot of puppy fat on her as a toddler.

She's now 5 and was weighed at school and her BMI is perfect. She's a right skinny Minnie now

Hmm, I think it’s a bit worrying that you say all your friends kids are 'very skinny’. That might be true but I wonder if it’s more likely that they are average and that you have a skewed view of what’s ‘average’.

I don’t think it’s complicated trying to work out if a little kid is overweight, surely you just need to look at the child. If there is chubbyness then the child is overweight and if there isn’t then that’s ok. My first two dc were a bit chubby as two year olds and I took positive LONGTERM action. I simply and subtly reduced portions and watched what they ate. It was easy to do and there was no need for me to angst about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ For us I think it was the occasional 'treats' that were a problem. It only needs a small tweak to make sure your kid isn’t getting too many calories.
Slowly and surely my boys grew into their bodies. There are now very slim men in their 20’s who don’t have any hang ups with food.

I think agonizing over BMI or dissecting diets is a bit pointless when you can look at the child.

God let her eat!

By the time she's 4 she will be skinny as a bean, as long as her meals are balanced don't worry about it.

Ignore the bmi, it is certainly not always the best tool!
I don’t think that’s a lot of food.

The BMI calculations are not perfect, and are considered by some to be flawed when measuring individuals. Please don't worry too much about this with such a young child.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21229387

Unktipus I think the problem is that research shows that parents especially are very poor at judging whether their children are overweight, just by looking. To me my daughter looks gorgeous and perfect, but I'm not exactly subjective! Hence why I thought using a recognised clinical measure would make it easier. I am basically doing exactly as you have described doing, but am just a little concerned that no one I know seems to be doing the same. I know it's silly to compare yourself with others, but it's hard not to.

objective

OP, Chubbyness isn’t invisible surely if you look at her you can see if she is chubby or not. Parents might not be able to accept or see that there is a problem but that’s different to the ability to look at a child and see that they are a bit chubby.

My kids had chubby wrists. That’s a pretty obvious sign of being too fat. It’s not complicated.

My GC looked like a mini sumo wrestler at 2. Now at three, she is a skinny petite thing.

I wouldn't worry, just keep her moving. See how her interest goes and find exercise that she likes, trampolining, bike riding, gymnastics etc, once she's a bit older.

I think this is your weight anxiety seeing issues that aren't there, seeing how Nursery isn't concerned, so don't restrict her eating.

BMI is not relevant at this age I think. What about her percentile in the red book charts? Height percentile vs weight percentile should approximatively match.

The main thing I would suggest is to avoid ‘rewarding’ her with food in any way.

I don't agree that a child being chubby is a sign that intervention is needed.

There were chubby kids around. especially toddlers, when i was a kid in the 70's, they had completely changed by seven years old. I've had a lot of contact with families, some toddlers are naturally chubby and lose it when they move more.

Op her meals don't sound overly big, but l did notice no vegetables.

If she has a big appetite then perhaps add in loads of extra vegetable sticks, before her meals offer cucumber, sweet pepper, carrot sticks, green beans, tomato slices etc.

My Ds is prone to being chubby (he is 10) and has an enormous apetite, so since a baby l have fed him vegetable finger foods before his meals, now he asks for them if peckish, also as snacks.

My dd,11 is a beanpole....but has a small apetite...

As long as her food is healthy, ie full fat, varied and fresh and not processed junk or sugary (which it is clear from your posts you are already doing )then don't worry.

I wouldn’t worry at this age unless she was visually too big. I have 2 dds each of them different. My oldest who is 7 likes her three meals and she’s not usually bothered about snacks and is quite happy to just have fruit or something. However my 2 year old is more of a grazer. Today she has eaten her cereal for breakfast (the one full meal she will eat), she had some strawberries and grapes for snack. A ham sandwich and some of those hula hoop puff crisp things which took her most of the afternoon to eat. She will eat like a square of Sandwich and then few of whatever is with it then she’s not bothered and half hour later she will eat some more. I’m not one for waste so I leave her be. Her tea is eaten as a family so she will eat what she wants but then when she says she’s finished she is and that’s it. She then usually has a yogurt like me and her sister and then that’s it for the night.

Neither of them are overweight. My older dd did tip the scales slightly when she was in reception but to be honest after a growth spurt she evened out again.

Honestly don’t worry u les like I said she looks visibly overweight

I don't agree that a child being chubby is a sign that intervention is needed

I’m sure for every chubby kid who grew up to be slim there is another chubby kid who has grown up to be chubby. If you kid is chubby then I think you would be foolish to ignore it. ‘Intervention’ doesn’t need to amount to anything more than being mindful of what your kid eats. 💁🏻

I'm a bit puzzled by the people saying ignore BMI and use the red book instead. They use the same approach, comparing height and weight. The only thing you have to be careful with when using BMI is that you are using a tool designed for children (eg this one from NHS choices) and that your measurements are accurate. The only thing the red book can give you in addition is a record of change over time, but only if you have regularly filled it in.

Some children go through podgier and skinnier stages for a variety of reasons but I believe that there is no particular evidence for the idea that children put on weight before growth spurts, and in general children who are overweight grow up to become more overweight over time so it's not a good idea to dismiss it if there is a problem. Relationships with food are set fairly early so while the OP does need to be careful about disordered thinking she is also right to be concerned if her daughter is overweight, plus it is much easier to make small tweaks so that a child grows into their weight rather than wait for their weight to become a big issue and then take action.

We had this with my youngest Have you checked in a paediatric BMI calculator Vs an adult one? They are different.
We went to a dietician as she also ate very nutritious food, just loads of it - it was really helpful. As a good start, you can use the hand rule - portions should be a serve of protein the size of the eater's palm, then one fist of carbs and two fists of vegetables (and same for adults actually!). This really helped me have an idea of what is more typical and also up our veggies Vs carbs.

I'd let her go at the buffets and parties though, it can't be that often and she needs to test her own hunger - also not see that mum is always controlling food.

Thanks nooka and holycrapwhatnow that's good advice. It definitely was the paediatric BMI and from memory it gave me the centiles first and then they were converted. She is also quite short for her age.

procrastinationsupremo - nobody whatsoever around you seems to think there is any issue with your dd being overweight from what you say, so no, I would not further limit your dd's food intake - you seem to have no good reason to do so, meaning that you would 100% be fulfilling your worst fear of passing your food issues on to your dd if you were to deliberately restrict her food intake when she is only 2 years old. I think giving her healthy food options, limiting sugary snacks, letting her enjoy good food, and keeping her active is doing all the right things already, and you don't need to add to that by having no faith in her own ability to self-regulate at such a young age.

I wouldn’t restrict her but I wouldn’t let her eat as much as she likes of anything. For eg if I made a lasagne I wouldn’t let her have 2nd, 3rd helpings etc but I’d make sure I did a massive salad with it that she could help herself to if she was still hungry.
My kids can help themselves to as much fruit as they like from the fruit bowl to snack on between meals but I wouldn’t let them have as many biscuits as they liked. That would only work for kids with pretty dainty appetites like your friends kids who seem disinterested with food.
There is a middle ground between letting kids go hungry and letting them eat as much as they want of whatever they want.

I have problems with my weight and food and I'm worried about passing it onto DD.

I started a thread on here about my mother's comments about it.

I let her eat what she wants from her plate for dinner etc. It's always filled with veg. She loves fruit and veg etc.