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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel like walking out

74 replies

Bluebellsagain · 26/03/2018 10:51

Really need a hand hold. I know there’s not much I can do. I just need to tell someone as I currently feel like walking out of work. I need to know how to play the next 3 weeks!

There’s a bit of back story here.. will try not to be overlong but: I got headhunted for a new job, they then took ages to issue my formal offer/contract. In the meantime I had the chance of a different role at my current work would allow me flexi working (I have young dd so this would be attractive.) No formal offer though, had to apply through the normal channel (which I did.) The same day I applied, my new job offer came through from external company. I met with my would-be boss to apologise and explain that i had been offered flexi working and so could not turn that down, for family reasons. They then offered me flexi working as part of my offer (at the new place.) This was a mega surprise due to the industry which has a reputation for not being good for flexi working. With this and a large salary increase I didn’t see that there was any way I could turn down the new offer so I accepted it and resigned at my old work.

Since then things have been feeling very difficult. I sit by (and would consider a friend) the lady who i would have changed roles to work with if I had stayed at my old company. She was furious that I ultimately was going to leave the company for my new job offer instead of taking the offer with her. She has no dc and has a very comfortable lifestyle with high joint income, and my flexi working/money concerns don’t seem to register with her. I tried to explain to her over coffee why I had to take the new job and she stormed out on me. Since then (2 weeks) we haven’t spoken. She has been ringing her partner and Mum at the desk next to me to bitch about how awful I am, has forwarded them (work) emails I have sent her to laugh at with them over the phone. Just now she was sat next to me telling her Mum “I can’t wait for this to be over” I.e. me working at the company. I haven’t risen to any of this treatment and tried to keep a dignified silence but as of today it’s just too much and I’ve had to move to another area of the office. I feel really unsettled and anxious at work now and have 3 weeks left of my notice to work. I feel I cant tell Hr what’s going on with her as she works very closely with them. I feel I’ve both lost a friend and been actively made to feel shit and intimidated. I have to work my notice because otherwise I can’t afford to pay back some training as well as my rent next month until new job starts.

I don’t know whether to confront or ignore. Any constructive tips?
Thankyou

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 26/03/2018 10:55

Ugh what an arsehole she is :/ I don't have much advice on how to get through it but I wouldn't be too upset about losing a friend because she doesn't sound like a very nice person. As if she'd turn down a job paying more money for someone she works with if the shoe was on the other foot

rockshandy · 26/03/2018 10:56

I know that this is incredibly difficult to sit there all day listening to this, but try to think about a couple of months into your new job, when you are out of this toxic environment. Will you look back and kick yourself for not rising above it?

This woman's behaviour is highly unprofessional and says more about her than it does about you. I would not give her the satisfaction of a reaction because that is what she wants.

PlowerOfScotland · 26/03/2018 10:57

I'd ignore and be happy you've made the right choice for you and your family. If you had any doubts, they're out the window now.
Good luck in your new job.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/03/2018 10:58

You really need to talk to HR. That's a completely unacceptable way to behave.

In fact, while she was on the phone bitching, I'd phone HR and ask for an appointment - let her hear that!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/03/2018 10:59

Isn't she committing some sort of offence by forwarding work emails like that?

GreenTulips · 26/03/2018 11:00

Well she's shown her true colours

I'd report her anyway as you've nothing to lose and may shit her up

Or take a weeks sickenss

KarmaStar · 26/03/2018 11:01

She is jealous ,bitter and spiteful.let her writhe in the gutter and continue to ignore her.she will start to feel stupid when she gets no reaction.
Congratulations on your new job.think of that.the next few weeks will fly by.

GrannyGrissle · 26/03/2018 11:01

Bring in ear defenders or everytime she starts put your fingers in your ears and sing lalalala at the top of your voice? And film the fucker so you can make a compilation of cuntery when you leave and send to the boss? Ultimately focus on the money/hours etc of new job. xxx

SpiritedLondon · 26/03/2018 11:01

My god how old is she 12??? I would treat it with the contempt it deserves - either tell her to wind her neck in or just style it out and ignore her. Have a little chuckle to yourself when she starts, put on your lippy ( or other psychological prop of choice) and then say to her in passing “ and you wonder why I’m leaving” before stalking off without a backwards glance. It’s stupid office politics of the lowest form and you will soon be out of it - hopefully to be with some grown ups.

Echobelly · 26/03/2018 11:06

Sorry you're having such a horrible time and your colleague is being such a bully. I think maybe just hang in there, perhaps take a few days sick if it's making you really stressed and it'll be over soon and you'll probably forget how unpleasant it all was. Good luck.

Finola1step · 26/03/2018 11:06

Remember this : She's a jealous, bullying arsehole (aka JBA). Every time she opens her mouth or gives you a sly look, remember that she is a JBA who is desperate for a reaction from you. So don't give her one. It will infuriate her.

Be grateful that she has shown you her true colours. That you have avoided those awkward lunch scenarios after you've left. The ones where you promise to meet up for lunch once a month, the first few are fine but then to realise that you are just being pumped for info.

Or put an empty jar on your desk. And have a stash of pound coins in your bag.Then every time she plays one of her tricks, put a pound in the jar. Every time. Make it really obvious. Then on your last day, walk out jingling your £1 jar under your arm. It will drive her nuts trying to work out what the Jeff you are doing.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 26/03/2018 11:07

Since she is doing it in front of you I would film her with my phone and send to HR.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 26/03/2018 11:09

You can record her if it's for your own use (ie not put on Facebook Grin.)

I would do this - take your phone out and record her every time.

altiara · 26/03/2018 11:11

Forwardung confidential emails to her mum should be against your company policy.
Otherwise put headphones on and start calculating how much more money you’ll earn Grin

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 26/03/2018 11:14

In addition to what's already been posted, is she supposed to be making personal calls in work time/at employers expense?

Bundlesmads · 26/03/2018 11:15

Jesus, you’ve dodged a bullet there.

Bundlesmads · 26/03/2018 11:17

I would tell HR. If they work closely with her they may know what she is like. It would be more professional to at least give HR a chance to deal with it before walking out.

Could you ask your boss if you can be moved away from her? Who is giving you your reference? Can you discuss the situation with them so they know what’s going on and it isn’t allowed to affect it?

ForlornWanderer · 26/03/2018 11:22

Does anyone else sit near you both and hear her? Has anyone mentioned anything? That's terrible behaviour!

StaplesCorner · 26/03/2018 11:30

She sounds like a psycho, you definitely have dodged a bullet - just goes to show you never really know anyone at work. I am sorry but you need to get her stopped or get moved. If not HR is there anyone else you could approach for help? You can't take another 3 weeks of this shit.

Original poster
Bluebellsagain · 26/03/2018 11:31

Thankyou everyone. Good to feel like it’s not just all in my head
I took her aside in a meeting room and said quite plainly not to take calls about me in front of me again or forward work emails I send again. She didn’t deny either and just said “ok”. I will however make Hr aware of th problems I am experiencing in working my notice. Or maybe I should just see how it goes with her now! So stressed and angry atm it’s hard to think straight!

OP posts:
Bundlesmads · 26/03/2018 11:33

I think you dealt with that really well regardless of how stressed you are.

Schmonday · 26/03/2018 11:34

Inform HR - let them know what has been happening and that you have asked for it to stop. That way if she doesn't stop you have already acted and can just follow it up. HR need to be aware how the company this bitch treats people who resign.

RatherBeRiding · 26/03/2018 11:36

Regardless of the fact that you only have 3 weeks left, her behaviour is completely unprofessional and unacceptable and I would refer it to HR and your immediate line manager as of now. They may do something, they may not - but I honestly couldn't sit by and listen to that and do/say nothing. Can you prove that she has forwarded work emails to someone who has no business receiving them?

I like the idea of phoning HR and asking for an appointment while she is in ear-shot although she sounds far too full of her own self importance to register!

Booboobooboo84 · 26/03/2018 11:37

I would record her conversation with her Mum and forward it hr cc-in her in. WhAt a vile bitch

Callamia · 26/03/2018 11:40

Tell HR, request gardening leave because bullying (this really IS), and never see her again.

You don’t need this, and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.

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