Feel like walking out

[Bluebellsagain]

Really need a hand hold. I know there’s not much I can do. I just need to tell someone as I currently feel like walking out of work. I need to know how to play the next 3 weeks!

There’s a bit of back story here.. will try not to be overlong but: I got headhunted for a new job, they then took ages to issue my formal offer/contract. In the meantime I had the chance of a different role at my current work would allow me flexi working (I have young dd so this would be attractive.) No formal offer though, had to apply through the normal channel (which I did.) The same day I applied, my new job offer came through from external company. I met with my would-be boss to apologise and explain that i had been offered flexi working and so could not turn that down, for family reasons. They then offered me flexi working as part of my offer (at the new place.) This was a mega surprise due to the industry which has a reputation for not being good for flexi working. With this and a large salary increase I didn’t see that there was any way I could turn down the new offer so I accepted it and resigned at my old work.

Since then things have been feeling very difficult. I sit by (and would consider a friend) the lady who i would have changed roles to work with if I had stayed at my old company. She was furious that I ultimately was going to leave the company for my new job offer instead of taking the offer with her. She has no dc and has a very comfortable lifestyle with high joint income, and my flexi working/money concerns don’t seem to register with her. I tried to explain to her over coffee why I had to take the new job and she stormed out on me. Since then (2 weeks) we haven’t spoken. She has been ringing her partner and Mum at the desk next to me to bitch about how awful I am, has forwarded them (work) emails I have sent her to laugh at with them over the phone. Just now she was sat next to me telling her Mum “I can’t wait for this to be over” I.e. me working at the company. I haven’t risen to any of this treatment and tried to keep a dignified silence but as of today it’s just too much and I’ve had to move to another area of the office. I feel really unsettled and anxious at work now and have 3 weeks left of my notice to work. I feel I cant tell Hr what’s going on with her as she works very closely with them. I feel I’ve both lost a friend and been actively made to feel shit and intimidated. I have to work my notice because otherwise I can’t afford to pay back some training as well as my rent next month until new job starts.

I don’t know whether to confront or ignore. Any constructive tips?
Thankyou

Can you put some headphones in and let her crack on?

See how it goes, now you've said something.

But, honestly, is this how she deals with her disappointment at not working with you? What a weirdo!?

Looks like you made the right choice then!

She's forwarding work emails to people outside of the company? Surely that's misconduct in itself? I'd let HR know about that at the very least, whether she's their best buddy or not.

You need to tell HR. Her behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Please don't take her in a room alone again or speak to her in private. She can say that you have said anything and turn it around on you.

Believe it or not, she has given you a gift. When you leave you can do so with relief and have no regrets. Are there any extra days off you can take? Is she off at all. Make a list of the days you have to work together then tick them off. Get your head down and get on with your work and try to ignore her. Go off for lunch somewhere quiet.

Failing that come into work with a new spring in your step and your best outfits. That will really piss her off.

Yes, you must tell HR. She's bullying, taunting and intimidating you and it's not acceptable, no matter how 'closely' she might work with them.

And I agree, I don't think you should have spoken to her about it in private. Put anything else you have to say in writing or make sure HR/a manager are present.

Do you have someone at work who is responsible for data protection? If so, I would suggest you report to them, and also to your boss, that this person is forwarding work-related emails to their friends. I suspect they will go ballistic.

This is unacceptable. Forwarding company emails to random 3rd parties would be a sackable offence in most companies. Yes I would report her, people only get away with such actions as nobody challenges them.

Isn't she committing some sort of offence by forwarding work emails like that?

Definitely let HR know and tell them how she's behaving, it's beyond dreadful.

Inform HR, and your line manager. Stick headphones in if you can and completely ignore her. She's looking for a reaction, and if she gets none, she won't get any of the satisfaction. At least she has shown you her true colours - you've dodged a bullet! Good luck in your new job.

OP this happened to my colleague when she resigned, it was awful the whole office could feel the tension. She took it to HR and in their own HR way, where they didn't actually admit that she was being bullied, agreed that she would be better to leave now and she took garden leave for the rest of her notice period it was 3 months so quite a significant amount of time to keep paying someone who isn't working.

Once my colleagues' notice was up and she was no longer employed with us, her manager was quite heavily disciplined and had all her team taken away from her, so she is no longer managing anyone. It is a real shame because my colleague only left because of her manager and she is a fantastic worker.

I agree inform HR. At least you know what she is really like. It is a shame she doesn't understand your decision - she must be taking it personally and is lashing out as a result. You could try emailing her if you think that might get through to her. You only have 3 weeks left though so the best thing to do is just rise above it and ignore it the best you can. If you can work in a different area do it!

HR still have a duty of care and have to take your issues into consideration. Ask to move desks.

Or do you have any holiday owed you can use to finish earlier?

don't let her ruin the time that should be now played out by enjoying all the others and things you like bout ur old job and looking forward to the new role.dont let her sully this for you.
also don't let her make It so the new job becomes something its not.you want to go their fresh and the person they wanted them job for.she in her behaviour will do anything to stop that from happening.this is a new start,new and exciting things to come and such a safety for your family.its brilliant.
shes one person in a big wide world.dont give her the power.

Sounds like you have a dodged a bullet, imagine working with her!!

Could you have a word with your manager?

sinceyouask
She's forwarding work emails to people outside of the company? Surely that's misconduct in itself? I'd let HR know about that at the very least, whether she's their best buddy or not.

^^ Totally this. Definitely shop her to HR and copy your line manager in. She needs pulling up on this horrible behaviour whether she is mates with HR or not. Now you can see her true colours, I am betting your new job (congrats btw) is looking even better than before!!

Thanks all. Unfortunately my manager (also hers!) is in holiday this week. There is also a sense with him that she’s just a “difficult character” and sad as it is even if he were around I bet it would be minimised o laughed off. I kind of expect the same response from hr. the head of hr considers this lady a favourite and because I’ve resigned and they didn’t want me to, there is a sense of the company vs me at the moment. But this is silly- I can’t even sit at my desk by my desk phone If shes acting that way which is why I spoke to her myself but tbh the passive aggressive constantly texting, going to meeting rooms to make personal calls, ignoring or supremely passive aggressively replying to work emails, even chain smoking e cigs next to me it’s just stupid and I am angry that I agreed to a longer notice period to help the company out!!

Who do you report to or who is the next person up when your manager is away? Talk to them.

Whatever response you think you might get from HR, it's your responsibility to flag to them that your colleague is forwarding company emails to outside parties.

Does your company/the field you work in have any kind of representative body? If so then I'd let them know about the email-sending too.

I know it sounds paranoid but I just worry that if I tell about th forwarding emails she will get revenge in some way. Her husband is very rich and quite a scary character and she is really entitled and has a tendency for a real grudge. This could just be totally paranoia but I worry that she would try and make life difficult for me in some way!

OK so you've spoken to her. If no improvement tomorrow you need to write to HR formally and ask for gardening leave, or to be released from your contract early as you cannot offer an extended notice period under those circumstances.

If they release you then ask the new company if you can start ASAP after Easter.

If you can't do that then I am sorry but I'd have to ask how effective you are at work - you need to be able to deal professionally with this sort of thing.

In the nicest possible way, OP, you need to toughen up and act professionally. I agree with what Staples says; sometimes shit happens at work and as a responsible grown-up you need to handle it, not worry about scary characters (what is he, in the Mafia?).

I also agree with Staples's advice about how to couch it; you need to be released early in some way because your working conditions are now untenable.

Give yourself some credit, you dealt with her in an excellent way when you pulled her aside . Play it by ear if she starts up again, recording her sounds a good idea- there's no disputing it then. Try not to worry about what MIGHT happen you've already showed her your not afraid to stand up to her. And congratulations on your new job!

I'm not sure it's OK to record people without their permission/knowledge.

This is a professional issue and the OP needs to use the professional/official channels. Advice to speak to the woman alone, record her secretly, just 'see how it goes', play silly games with pound coins in jars etc is not helpful or very grown-up.

Also keep reminding yourself that its a free world! By which I mean that it is totally permissible to move jobs. This horrible woman doesn’t own you, the company doesnt own you (beyond the reasonable diktats of a professional contract regarding notice periods etc). What you have done is absolutely fine and quite normal - people move jobs all the time. This isnt the play ground, your aren’t both 12 and even if this woman wants to behave like the school yard bully, you are a professional woman of some standing (clearly, since you have two companies who want to employ you enough that they are offering flexi time etc). Let her play her foolish games - you behave like a grown up, go to HR and, since your boss is away, go to your bosses boss. She needs hauling over the coals for this and you need to be able to work sensibly (or be given gardening leave....or do you have any holiday owing?)

Hi all
Thanks again for all the support earlier this week. I was out of office for the last 2 days. Logged into work emails this evening to see an email from hr telling me “they” thought it best that I move desks and that it had in fact already been actioned to be moved over the weekend.
I am supposed to be having my replacement start shadowing me next week for 2 weeks. She was going to be sat opposite me. Now I am seated far across the office from her. Also will be nowhere near my boss (I work with him 1 on 1 in a support capacity, so this is incredible.) Whej I spoke to hr I just said I wanted the situation monitored but that I hoped nothing more would happen now I’d spoken to her. I didn’t dream of desk moving because of the handover and need to be near my boss. At first I thought it was the useless hr guy taking too much initiative. Then I saw in my boss emails (which i monitor as part of my job) an email from same hr guy saying the lady this thread is about, orchestrated the move. And that she would “speak to you (boss) about it”.

So that’s it. I’ve been moved without my consent far from my boss I work with on a close daily basis and the woman I am meant to be training for 2 weeks from Tuesday. Because this woman decided that I couldn’t sit by her anymore. Like fucking school. It’s unbelievable. Maybe if I’d done something wrong to her she would have a leg to stand on but I just feel shocked at her sneaking behind my back to fuck up my handover. Also just saw she deleted me on fb. Not that that matters I guess but what are we? We are both over 30. I feel such a mix of fury, hurt and confusion.

I don’t know how I can work the rest of my notice and conduct my handover from such a distance and feeling so humiliated to have my desk moved like a naughty school child.

Sorry. I really need to vent. I never saw this coming. Probably stupidly.