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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU? Child maintenance

56 replies

Daffodils78 · 26/03/2018 04:56

AIBU to ask for £30-£50 a week child maintenance for one biological child and one step child. No extras, like uniforms or clubs, that would be for everything except one (maybe two) days with Dad, so whatever he spends then.

Would be an out of court settlement. He often earns more than that on the calculator, but might have to take a lower paid job temporarily. I would not expect this to fluctuate even if his earnings do due to seasons, etc.

He has asked for a sum, and I don't want to suggest anything ludicrous but neither do I want my kids going short. I don't want him to struggle, either.

AIBU? Or does that sound about right? Thanks

OP posts:

Oswin · 26/03/2018 05:17

Depends on his earning if hes earning a grand a week its shit. Fine if its 300 a week.

Original poster

Daffodils78 · 26/03/2018 05:18

Anywhere from £250-£600 depending on the time of year

OP posts:

SickofThomasTheTank · 26/03/2018 05:21

I would suggest about £60-£80 per week.

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/03/2018 05:30

Ask for £100 on the basis that whatever you ask for, he will negotiate downwards, then you can probably settle on £70. And do it by text or email so he cant claim you said different.

pigeondujour · 26/03/2018 05:32

Your step child or his? What about that child's dad?

Original poster

Daffodils78 · 26/03/2018 05:38

My child not his but he has been her only father figure.

OP posts:

AJPTaylor · 26/03/2018 06:01

it depends on several factors i think (not cms calculator ones). if you earn well ie the main breadwinner and can cover all bills yourself, then it might be fine but
i think to me it seems low. how old are the kids? bear in mind they get more expensive!

DancingHipposOnAcid · 26/03/2018 06:10

He is only liable for maintenance for his biological children so step child doesn't come into the calculation unless he legally adopted them.

tissuesosoft · 26/03/2018 06:14

Does he have any biological children with you? Did he legally adopt your daughter? I am not in the legal field but if he is her step father I would have thought there was next to zero chance of him paying maintenance.

Mindhunter · 26/03/2018 06:35

You can't make him pay for a child that isn't biologically his. My ex brought up my dd from 1 to 13 but I still wouldn't expect him to pay for her care. He currently pays £200 a month for his two sons.

pigeondujour · 26/03/2018 06:36

I don't think you can try and claim maintenance for your own child that isn't his - you need to be pursuing the child's father for that (I'm assuming that he is alive; apologies if that isn't the case.)

Olicity17 · 26/03/2018 06:42

You cant claim for a step child. Even if he is the only father the child knows. He can choose to pay for that child. But you cant force it, unless he is legally her dad. Has he adopted the child?

Whats fair depends on alot of stuff. Take his average yearly wage and work it from that.

HoppingPavlova · 26/03/2018 06:44

You can’t enforce child maintenance for a step child.

Tamatave2000 · 26/03/2018 06:55

To OP

Not enough information to comment on the figures. Child Maintenance is based on a % of Paying Parent's Gross Weekly Income. What the Main Parent With Care earns is not taken into account. Adjustments are made to reflect any shared care.

If you apply to CMS for an assessment they will look at his yearly amount of income so that any seasonal fluctuations are taken into account. Divide yearly amount by 365 then multiply by 7 to get the weekly amount. Then apply the % which are moment are 12% for one child on first 800/week then 9% for earnings over 800/week. For 2 children it is 16% on first 800/week and 12% for earnings over 800/week.

Collaborate · 26/03/2018 07:00

This is what comes from asking for legal advice on AIBU...

The advice you've received above is incorrect.

If you are married to him the court can make a child maintenance order for the step-child, but CMS will never get involved. If you're not married then he's not the step-father and there is no way you can make him pay maintenance.

Whether or not a court on divorce would make him pay maintenance depends on a number of things. It is not automatic.

To calculate how much CMS would make him pay go to the CMS website and fill in the details, making a best guess for his annual gross income and claiming for one child only.

Collaborate · 26/03/2018 07:02

Typical - since loading this page and posting a comment some correct advice has been given

TempusEejit · 26/03/2018 07:09

Have a look at the CMS calculator for one child. Step children are excluded from CMS but if you were married it appears that the Court might order maintenance: www.alternativefamilylaw.co.uk/cohabitation/child-maintenance/ I think this is only in rare circumstances though (further googling of case law would suggest it's when a step parent has been a parent figure literally since the child's birth). Given the relatively low monetary figures involved it would probably cost you more than you'd gain if you went down the legal route with a good chance you'd be awarded nothing.

PrettyLittIeThing · 26/03/2018 11:04

I don't think he should have to pay for the child that isn't his unless he doesn't mind but the fact your having to ask how much suggests that he doesn't want to.

Dancingmonkey87 · 26/03/2018 11:10

I get £140 for my ds which is calculated on ex’s earnings and night he has him in the year. Your can’t just get a sum in your head without basing it on your earnings.Yabu to expect payment for a step child, you need to get payment from her biological father.

Original poster

Daffodils78 · 26/03/2018 12:00

He has asked me what I would need/like for the kids. This is not through CMS, it is an out of court settlement. Nobody is forcing anything, it is voluntary.

Bio father of DC1 is irrelevant, as he has no PR, or relationship.

I wouldn't expect a penny, it was offered and I was trying to work out a suggested figure. If he were not an active part in DC1's life and not father to DC2 it would not be under discussion.

I hope that clarifies things, sorry.

It does seem so awfully complicated. might just have to make an agreement for DC2 and leave it there. There is so little information out there for step families who want to keep DCs treated the same. I don't think 2 people breaking up should mean a child loses the person they call Dad, but everything in law seems obsessed with biological children, and no clear information on step kids/ half siblings.

OP posts:

Jasmineforever · 26/03/2018 12:04

I think £50 is more than fair. It sounds like you have a civil relationship.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 26/03/2018 12:07

Baffled you would expect him to pay for a child that’s not his.

TempusEejit · 26/03/2018 12:07

everything in law seems obsessed with biological children

But when step parents marry their DC's parent they don't again PR or have any rights in raising that child (unless PR is specifically applied for). Can you imagine if an ex step parent was able to stop you moving away with your DC or you had to ask their permission to take your DC abroad etc just like biological parents? It would be a nightmare.

Original poster

Daffodils78 · 26/03/2018 12:26

I understand what you are saying as regards the law, it's just really hard to find any advice on this issue at all. There just seems a lot of people very unhappy that they don't have ex step parents or ex step children in their lives anymore at all and it is very hard wanting to treat both children the same from all parties when obviously in law they are seen very differently as one is biological and one is not.

It is so hard when you just want the kids best interests and for them to have the people they call mum and dad in their lives. The only people they have ever called those names. If they are going to be treated the same as regards time spent with each of us, it seemed like it would be clear to have things the same financially, but maybe this is just muddying the waters.

OP posts:

pigeondujour · 26/03/2018 12:27

The information is pretty clear - people are financially responsible for their own kids. I mean, if your ex wants to give you extra for a step kid that's fine, but why on earth would he be legally obliged to? Would you happily be financially obliged to provide for the existing kids of any future boyfriend if you split up?

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