Planning a third (or fourth) child

[TheLegendOfBeans]

DH and I are thinking about adding to our family and we are considering trying for another baby in Summer.

I have a two year old and her brother is 20 months younger. They are great and life is tough at times but I wouldn't change it.

Speaking to a couple of friends and family I'm finding people are pretty unsupportive about the plan to have more children. Common reactions are
"Quit whilst you're ahead"
"Don't tempted fate"
"Why?!"

But I exoerienced none of this planning on going from one to two. In fact it seems to be actively encouraged.

AIBU to be a bit cheesed off at the insinuation that I'm being greedy or selfish for wanting the big family I've always dreamed of? Anyone else had this?

DISCLAIMER: believe me, I know how very very lucky I am. I am pushing 40 and have had a mc in the past - and I'm not daft enough to think it mightn't happen again. But I dearly just want to shoot for the moon and we are fortunate enough to be in a position to afford to make our wish a reality. I'm just struggling with the negativity.

CountFosco, surely that is more to do with how early each of those sets of parents both began having kids?

Precisely the point I'm making. In 80 years one family reproduced every 20-24 years and there were 22 living decendants. In 80 years the other family reproduced every 36-41 years and there were 12 living decendants. Impact on the use of the world's resources is a combination of the frequency of reproduction and the number of children. It's not as simple as 2 children good, 3 bad.

Only scanned through the replies. Lol at the poster that thinks wealthy families just pay for help and poor families always rely on others. We can afford our children but are by no means rich, we are comfortable but budget. I have no help with the kids, they may stay at my parents once, possibly twice a year. Me and dh do all school runs, running about to activities etc. Your comment is ridiculous.

Anyway, op I've got 3, age 5, 3 & 1. I absolutely love it, would love another but would just be that bit to much of a stretch financially so we aren't having more. One thing I will say is that going from 1-2 feels like just that, going from 2-3 feels like going from 2 to loads! Its crazy, its loud and I always have something to do but it really is lovely.

I had a third by choice some time after the second (because circumstances changed). 18 years down the line I can honestly say that I have never ever regretted having 3 (and I had a boy and a girl before we had the 3rd.) I would perhaps have liked them closer together but actually I think I have "enjoyed" 3rd child more because of the times (older 2 at school and in due course uni) has been in effect an only child.
Yes of course it costs more - especially as they get older. We currently face helping first 2 buy homes when yet to pay for uni for 3rd.
But I remember what a friend said when I was expecting "three is a proper family" and in some way that is true.
As a footnote DH is only child and I have one older sister. My children had no cousins of their own age (nor did I) - perhaps that would have made a difference.

Agreeing with KERALA1 - enough people on the planet already.

Don't discuss it with anyone, that way you won't have to consider their opinions. If you want a third go for it. My 3rd is 4 months old and I'm nearly 45. I didn't ask anyone for their opinion.

In one sense, it's true that there are enough people on the planet already. But in Europe we have an ageing population and the proportion of retired people is increasing all the time. In France, the government actually encourages bigger families by offering tax breaks to parents with more than 2 children. (I have a friend who lives there who has 4 children.) But the birth rate among French people had got very low, so they wanted to increase that.

well then don't discuss it if you don't want opinions.

but...overpopulation.

I don't really get why people want their own children to grow up in such an overpopulated world. So stopping at 2, or 1 per person, just seems like good common sense.

I know Kerala mentioned about living in an environmentally friendly way - I always have but recently decided to say screw it. I see so many big families around and the specific section on MN makes me weep.

So I decided to sod the bar soap, sod the bar shampoo etc etc. As long as no one cares about overpopulation I can't see the point. I've never been a person to buy coffee etc so that's not an issue but the extra measures I was taking, I just dropped.

I've just had number 3 and am loving it. People were a bit surprised as we also had a girl and boy already and close in age. It actually took us a little while to conceive no 3 but they are still all fairly close (4,2,newish baby). I think a lot of people see two kids as ideal as then the first has a sibling but parents are not yet outnumbered!

AIBU to be a bit cheesed off at the insinuation that I'm being greedy or selfish for wanting the big family I've always dreamed of?

many people dream of things with knowing well it will never happen.

but since you asked - this is an overcrowded world with limited resources. nobody needs 3 let alone 4 children this is nothing but selfish.

but you already answered your own question - you dream about it. you don't plan it. we are all allowed to dream a little bit

Why do you care?

For goodness sake, this argument is repeated over and over again. But in this country we have an ageing population, which the younger generation won't be able to sustain financially eventually. It's the same all over Europe.

I think that "we need more babies to do jobs" isn't right anymore. Robots and automation will replace. Resources dwindling. The Ponzi scheme of having more and more babies to shore up previous generations won't work. We're smarter than that.

No one should have more than 2 kids. Not justifiable

It's not running away KERALA if you keep coming back repeating the same thing.

But there are far more people choosing to be childfree now, and a lot of others who are choosing to have only 1 child. As I said earlier, French people are being actively encouraged to have larger families, with further benefits when a third child is born.

I've adopted so I can't be accused of adding to the overcrowding, btw.

Kerala on your logic the population will fall. You sound rather like the 19th century social scientist Malthus.

Of course people can have more than two children if they wish, especially if they can support their own kids themselves.