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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To start to worry?

92 replies

SingleAgainThen · 25/03/2018 19:52

My “DH” & I agreed to split up a little over a week ago, it’s been a weird week with me sleeping on the couch & not much being said between us.

He has taken his older daughter (my DSD) & our little one - 5 yr old DD out for the day today.

They’re still not home, have no idea where they went or when they’ll be home.

It’s already way past little one’s bed time. Sitting here going from furious to worried with every passing second.

We had a big row re money last night & I stayed at a friend’s last night so haven’t seen him since.

My DD has school in the morning - where the fuck is he?!

OP posts:
MsHarry · 25/03/2018 20:22

Phone his family whether you get on or not. You have trie the sensible approach and he hasn't replied(though he is probably driving) so you are within reason to call them to see if they know where they went.

BrutusMcDogface · 25/03/2018 20:22

I would be pretty angry if it was me. Hope he shows up soon, op, and hope you can try and keep the upper hand by reacting very casually when he does. Flowers

Original poster
SingleAgainThen · 25/03/2018 20:22

Thanks Birds, that’s why I didn’t want to contact him, I didn’t want to feed into his drama.

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 25/03/2018 20:23

I think he is hoping you will kick off. Send him a nice reasonable text along the lines of "looking forward to seeing everyone home, got the pjs laid out and hot chocolate on stand by... perhaps you can send me a ETA?" xx

helpconfused · 25/03/2018 20:24

I just hope all is well.
He is probably not aware of the time, although is a long day to stay out. Where was he going?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 25/03/2018 20:24

As hard as it will be try not to react when they get back or he will do it every time.

Namechanger2015 · 25/03/2018 20:24

Nothing has happened. He getting one back because you stayed out, it's a punishment.

I agree with this. Try not to worry, it is a horrible feeling, just keep as distracted as you can.

Original poster
SingleAgainThen · 25/03/2018 20:25

Don’t know where he was going, assumed to his Mum’s.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 25/03/2018 20:25

Nothing will have happened. He's being an arse. I bet he'll use the clocks as an excuse.

Appuskidu · 25/03/2018 20:25

That is a very late time to come back for a 5 year old who presumably has school tomorrow :(

FizzyGreenWater · 25/03/2018 20:27

He's doing it deliberately - nice early warning of the level of care he intends to give the children - keeping your DD out way past her bedtime in order to scare you.

The only reason I would text would be to get it on record - you may need it. Something like this:

Hi DH, I'd be grateful if you could let me know if there is anything up - as you know it's way past DD's bedtime, and she has school in the morning. Hope all is ok.'

MsHarry · 25/03/2018 20:27

Appus she may well be asleep in the car!

BetterEatCheese · 25/03/2018 20:28

Drives me mad when dp does this but when Dd was little he sometimes completely forgot / got carried away with a nice day. Hopefully it's innocent and he turns up soon

Jobjobjob · 25/03/2018 20:28

Those saying her daughter won't be tired - she'll have to get up at the time on the clock tomorrow, so she will be tired

Please tell me how you get a non tired child to sleep an hour earlier?

Original poster
SingleAgainThen · 25/03/2018 20:28

But she shouldn’t be asleep in the car, she should be asleep in her bed by now.

OP posts:
MsHarry · 25/03/2018 20:29

Don’t know where he was going, assumed to his Mum’s.

Phone his mum then and ask when they left.

MadMags · 25/03/2018 20:29

Have you rung?

MsHarry · 25/03/2018 20:29

Yes but it's not the end of the world. What is wrong is that he hasn't let you know.

letsdolunch321 · 25/03/2018 20:30

What a stupid prick he is.

Does he not realise this kind of behaviour is only going to back fire on him - hope all is well with your little one when they get home.

MakeItRain · 25/03/2018 20:30

Hope he's back soon. It's frustrating but they will be safe. He's just playing games, probably as a pp said because you were out all night. (He will argue that they didn't know where you were/you might have left for good so he had every right to take them/ he (maybe) took them to his parents' as he didn't know if you were coming back etc etc)

When they're home (which could be tomorrow if he has taken them to his parents) you calmly say that you need to organise times in future so that both of you know where the children are. Don't rise to any accusations. Try to stay emotionless and polite as much as you can.

I think I would call his parents right now and see if they are all there. Just say you wondered if they were there as you're worrying. It might put your mind at rest as it's a likely possibility he's taken them for the night to get back at you.

FizzyGreenWater · 25/03/2018 20:31

She should be, yes.

But play the long game.

Text, get a record of this event.

Don't comment when they come back - he'll be expecting it.

He's a twat.

Lj8893 · 25/03/2018 20:31

I would be fuming, yanbu.

Fruitcorner123 · 25/03/2018 20:32

It's now 1.5hrs since her bedtime. I would ring his mum.

Don't know what your ex is like but my DH is very laid back about bedtime and it is a constant source of conflict. Could it just be that bedtime is just not something that bothers him and he knows it is sticking two fingers up at you at the same time.

Be reassured if something was wrong he would contact you.

Jobjobjob · 25/03/2018 20:33

Was DD i bed when you left last night? What time was it?

SukiTheDog · 25/03/2018 20:34

Yanbu. He’s a total shit for using his young children to yank your (stress) chain.

Don’t engage when he comes in. The last thing dad needs is mummy and daddy having a row.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had it with my ex, years ago. It was exhausting and should destroying but it passes, as everything does Flowers

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