People who tell you back at you what you have just told them

[WazFlimFlam]

How do you deal with people who will insist on 'telling' you everything, making it impossible to have a normal conversation with them.

It's a clear power thing, as it is designed to imply you are an idiot. My parents and ILs are like this, and some friends.

i.e.. Me: I'm going to get a new mattress for the baby's crib because of the SIDS guidelines.
Them: Yes, you are going to make sure you are going to get a new mattress for the baby aren't you? Its in the SIDS guidelines.

Or

Me: DH is going to wear his DJ to that black tie event, so I need to take it to the dry cleaners.
Them: You do know that DH will need to wear a DJ to a black tie event next week? I mean wearing a suit would be a massive faux pas!

I mean, how would you respond to that?

I'd gently suggest they got a hearing test.

Pengggwn I have on occasion calmly pointed out that that is what I just said, and they look at me like I have two heads/get very defensive/repeat themselves slightly louder in potentially a more patronising tone.

These aren't just 'older' people too either, the second conversation was one I had with a (now ex) friend when we were in our early 20s.

My mum does this. I tell her something and she claims the idea/my comment as her own. I just look at her quizzically every time and say “why didn’t I think of that?”

"how would you respond to that?"
Get furiously fur started not helpful.

Are they elderly clueless not cottoning on trying to drive you mad?

I would just stare at them, look bemused and say "Well YES I KNOW"...

I sometimes repeat stuff back to a particular colleague because I'm slightly hard of hearing her voice... Not full conversations, but I'd paraphrase to ensure I'd picked out the salient points. I've realised other people do it to her, as her voice is particularly low. Could it be something lik this?!

If not, have you ever said "why do you repeat back everything I say?"

I can't say that happens much to me irl but it would be really annoying. I'd probably stab them in the eye or something No but really, I would probably say "that's what I just told I was doing?"

You mean repeating what you say not "tell back at You
Perhaps they are agreeing with you.

I know someone who does that and it’s because they have learning difficulties and difficulty with speech and language so it’s because they know it’s something correct they can say and because they sometimes struggle to fill the conversation. If that isn’t the case I would find it extremely odd behaviour indeed.

I wouldn't know, I've never met anyone who does that in my entire life. If it happens to you a lot, perhaps its something about you?

No Buster, they really are telling it back at me. It's been quite clear they expect me to 'agree' with them (they will sort of pause and wait for an 'answer'), as a sort of way of getting me to pretend I didn't know until they bestowed their generous wisdom upon me.

This behaviour is coupled with generally treating me like an idiot/being patronising. It isn't in isolation, but it is a habit that has infringed upon our ability to have normal conversations. Hence the ex-friend comment above.

NFATR it is certainly the case I have chosen the wrong friends on occasion and let a dysfunctional dynamic fester.

My mum is a bit like this

Another gem: when I got made redundant she said “you’ll need to get another job” NO FUCKING SHIT!

'As I just said....' coupled with sustained Paddington Bear stare and no further comment.

If they've always done that, then it is to get one over on you etc.

If it's recent, then it could be age related.

I've been seriously ill, I'm post Menopause and sometimes I'll wonder where an idea has come from. Until I tell my DD, who will inform me that she's told me it

I know what you mean Waz, it happens to me as well but I usually tell them, "that is what I have just said to you".
I know the quizzical look as well as though you have "lost your marbles".
It's only certain people who do it, most times I just eye roll let it go. 😂😂

I would just say ‘yes, that’s exactly what I just said’ and look at them in a confused way

You could go the opposite way:

You: I'm going to get a new mattress for the baby's crib because of the SIDS guidelines.
Them: Yes, you are going to make sure you are going to get a new mattress for the baby aren't you? Its in the SIDS guidelines.
You Oh I don't know I'm sure a good quality second hand one from a friend would be fine, you are so overcareful.

You: DH is going to wear his DJ to that black tie event, so I need to take it to the dry cleaners.
Them: You do know that DH will need to wear a DJ to a black tie event next week? I mean wearing a suit would be a massive faux pas!
You: Oh Dh has the panache to pull off any outfit. He's a trendsetter.

ExP does this all the time. It’s infuriating. I think it’s because he wants to either take credit for an idea or plan and/or he wants to frustrate and annoy me. He is an arse though.

I eventually started doing what @HonkyWonkWoman suggested and pointing out that I’d just said the thing he’d repeated.

Sometimes this is a conversational device used to segway into extra patronising. Just remembered another recent example.

Me: We have pretty much saved our deposit now, we just need to apply for a mortgage in principle so that if we see something we really like we will be able to put an offer in straight away.

Friend: Well, yes, you need to be able to show that you have saved your deposit so you can apply for a mortgage in principle so that you can put an offer in without too much faff. You probably should spend some more time saving up a deposit before you do that though.

(DISCLAIMER we have saved the exact right amount for our price bracket and they had been told so)

Next time they do it, @WazFlimFlam, contradict them immediately:

WFF - That event next week is black tie - I need to take his dinner jacket to the cleaners.

ARR (annoying repeating relative) - You know that event is black tie -it would be a terrible faux pas if your dh didn’t wear a dinner jacket!

WFF - Of course it wouldn’t! Casual will be fiiiine.

ARR - but, but, but -you just SAID it was black tie!

WFF - so why did you repeat what I’d just said then?

Is it a habit they have formed? Do they do this to everyone?

I have known a few people who almost unaware of themselves try to predict the end of your sentence and speak it alongside you. Always disrupts my train of thought!

SDTG I have tried that on occasion. TBH it could work, but the most likely response would be a lecture right out of Debrettes on the correct dress etiquette for black tie occasions. With a look of horror that I could be so stupid. Maybe a faint look of panic about them too.

Riverrose the ex-friend behind the black tie DJ comments did this to me all the time.

I did see them do it to other people when they were angry/cross with them. TBH other people just laughed it off or ignored them.