People who tell you back at you what you have just told them

[WazFlimFlam]

How do you deal with people who will insist on 'telling' you everything, making it impossible to have a normal conversation with them.

It's a clear power thing, as it is designed to imply you are an idiot. My parents and ILs are like this, and some friends.

i.e.. Me: I'm going to get a new mattress for the baby's crib because of the SIDS guidelines.
Them: Yes, you are going to make sure you are going to get a new mattress for the baby aren't you? Its in the SIDS guidelines.

Or

Me: DH is going to wear his DJ to that black tie event, so I need to take it to the dry cleaners.
Them: You do know that DH will need to wear a DJ to a black tie event next week? I mean wearing a suit would be a massive faux pas!

I mean, how would you respond to that?

How bloody annoying! I honestly don't think I've ever had that done to me.

I think I'd be saying something like " YES I HAVE JUST SAID THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING " and keep repeating it.

I think this is called mansplaining. Normally done by men to show they know more than you and expect you to be coy and ignore the fact they’re just parroting back whay you say.

I’d just say “are you a parrot?” When they ask what I mean tell them they’ve just said exactly what you’ve told them 2 minutes ago.

Mansplaining is something else! This is just weird.

DH is a sod for this. It's normally that he's half listening so the words rattle through his brain without him conciously acknowledging that he's hearing it from me and it processes back as being his idea. My reaction tends to be to point out that I just told him that, which he accepts.
He has mansplainer tendencies though, not helped by being a techy professional know-it-all. He sometimes/ frequently forgets that the rest of us in the real world are pretty smart about a lot of different things too.

I repeat back what I've heard as I have audtitory processing issues so miss bits frequently. I'll tend to paraphrase back to confirm or question back about the specific point I've missed. Asking for a reptition of the whole statement is repetitive for both of us and often leads to me missing the same point again. Better than being in smile and nod or tactically ignore mode where I know someone is saying something but it's going to be a lot of work on both sides to get the point across.

Ive never come across this sort of interaction before.

Yes to the person who anticipates the next words you are saying - very distracting once you notice. But to someone who repeats your words back ? Cant even imagine it.

But maybe its a time thing? Are these actual conversations which happened as they are written or snippets that are perhaps a few days or weeks apart. I can see that in a follow on conversation it could be just a reminder if they think you arent doing what you said you were going to do.

But to just blithely tell you something in almost your own words is just weird.

My mum does this it’s infuriating but it’s becayse she’s old and she really doesn’t know she is doing it.
My manager also does this I.e. repeats my ideas back at me as if they were his own fortunately everyone I work with knows this and when he does it they raise their eyebrows at me to say isn’t that exactly what you just said and I nod and roll my eyes

We have a family member that does this. What makes it worse is you can say something and they'll say "No..," and then go on to try and correct you but then say the exact same point you've said but worded slightly differently.

It drives me mad! I always say "yes. That's what I just said" and they look at me blankly and ignore what they've done.

My DM used to do this, especially as she got older. I don't think it was intentional in her case - it was like she sometimes couldn't help herself "teaching" things to me. Very irritating 😠

Someone else I know does it too - partly the repeating, and partly jumping in with (bleeding obvious!) "advice" before I've even had the chance to finish my sentence, like the "you'll need to get a job" example above.

My mum does this, and has done all my life. It's so annoying! I think it's a power thing, like something is happening because she told me so. Even though I have just told her it's happening two seconds earlier

Depending on who they are, I say, "Yes, I just said that. You're he/she-peating me again".

This usually makes anyone else present laugh, and the patronising twat look like a bit of a dick.

It works very well in the staffroom I'm usually in, when a certain male teacher who thinks he is God's gift to the profession takes credit for everything anyone female says.

My DH does this, usually because he's not listening to what I've been saying (but has obviously subconsciously picked it up).

I usually find "I just said that FFS listen for once in your fucking life" does the trick.

Maybe give less information eg “I’m going to buy a new cot mattress” or “I’m taking clothes to the dry cleaners”
Then they can’t repeat why you should do it as they don’t know!

My DH does similar to this. I’ll explain a situation I’m in, along with the choices I have to make and end with a summary repeating the crux of the problem and my options.

He’ll then say ‘well the way I see it is you have 2 choices...’ and will repeat the 2 choices I’ve alrwady explained I’m aware I have

So a ‘conversation’ is me explaining something then hearing the summary repeated back to me then I walk away unsure as to why I’ve entered into it again knowing full well that’s how it will go.

I could turn it into a circular conversation as someone suggested. But they live off them anyway. A while evening later and they are back at the beginning. I'm not going down that wormhole!

Interesting how some of us have had no experience of it.

Not quite the same thing but along the same lines. Exh had to send something to me in the post that arrived this morning. In with the package was a car air freshener, one of those cardboard one on a string. He rang me to check if it had arrived and we had the following conversation:

Me: Why is there an air freshener in the package.
Him: It's for the car.
Me: Yes I know, but why have you sent it.
Him: It's got a string, you hang it up at the front of the car on the mirror to make the car smell nice.

I gave up at that point. Yes, I'm aware my car does smell of dog a bit, but the smell hasn't addled my brain.

In some cases you are being unreasonable. As PorkFlute commented for some it is part of an 'active listening' strategy.
Some cannot remember short term conversations, like when being given road directions. I KNOW I need to listen and remember what is being said so need to be told several times but it rarely sinks in so a few minutes after parting I have no idea what the directions were.

I have known a few people who almost unaware of themselves try to predict the end of your sentence and speak it alongside you.

My husband does this, it's so annoying. What I do now when he starts, is shut up without finishing, and stare at him pointedly, with an eyebrow raised. When he's finished, and usually got it wrong, I say "No actually, I WAS going to say xyz. You know, that's really annoying when you butt in." Or if I'm feeling really pissed off at him for doing it, I make him work for the rest, and say "No actually, I wasn't going to say that." and then wait for him to apologise and ask me what I was going to say.

I think Active Listening is different from this - in Active Listening, you might repeat/paraphrase what the person has said, but also acknowledge that you're making sure you understand them correctly- e.g. by saying "Have I got that right?", or "Is that what you meant?"

This happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I work in facilities management so work quiet closely with the security on the unit.

I made a comment about the cleaning standard ‘how we needed to show a unified response and both escalate the same issue’ we work for different companies.

He agreed and then as he was exiting my area of work he said something like ‘I’ll report the issue now and I think you should do the same. That will show we’re working as a team’

It was a little surreal - how does someone have the audacity to relay the message to you as if it’s their idea. As if they’re calling the shots.

A few sandwiches short of a picnic imo

Quite

My dsis does this but not in a power trip way.

I'll be telling her a story and she'll get caught up in it and start to repeat every line back to me after I've said it!

I just stop and say "are you just gonna repeat everything I say?!"

Then she says sorry and we laugh about it