People who tell you back at you what you have just told them

[WazFlimFlam]

How do you deal with people who will insist on 'telling' you everything, making it impossible to have a normal conversation with them.

It's a clear power thing, as it is designed to imply you are an idiot. My parents and ILs are like this, and some friends.

i.e.. Me: I'm going to get a new mattress for the baby's crib because of the SIDS guidelines.
Them: Yes, you are going to make sure you are going to get a new mattress for the baby aren't you? Its in the SIDS guidelines.

Or

Me: DH is going to wear his DJ to that black tie event, so I need to take it to the dry cleaners.
Them: You do know that DH will need to wear a DJ to a black tie event next week? I mean wearing a suit would be a massive faux pas!

I mean, how would you respond to that?

I have a friend who does this. It’s infuriating. She likes to think she is an authority on, well, everything. She acts like I’m stupid and she’s is regularly “saving me from myself”.

So it would go me: “right in off, I need to pop to Tesco to get something for the kids tea, ugh they are so fussy”. Her: right, you should to go to Tesco, don’t forget to feed your kids! I know what you’re like! Get some food in, though what you’ll get I don’t know, your kids are so fussy. I’ll have a think what you could make them” I WAS LITERALLY JUST INFORMING YOU WHY IM LEAVING I DONT NEED YOUR HELP

Just say, yes that's what I said. Enough to let them know you said it and vague enough not to offend.

BTW it may be pertinent to note that on occasions where I have pulled up my own family on just repeating what I have said they have sneered that I am obsessing and having 'meta' conversations. Here is an example of a slightly inverse conversation.

My mother: Well of course, you kept your name when you married as children always do the exact opposite of what their parent's did.
Me: Yes, I'm sure any of mine will probably change their's!
My mother: [looks puzzled and slightly cross] Well why is that then?!
Me: …You did just say children always do the opposite of their parents.
My mother: Oh… you and your meta conversations!

[DISCLAIMER: She is a full time working professional near the top of her profession in her 50s. Who can hear a gnat piss at the end of the garden]

For reasons I won't go into I have to have a fair amount of contact with exh and he does this sort of thing all the time.

He does it for two reasons: 1) he never listens properly to anything anyone else is saying unless he thinks they're important enough for him to bother and 2) he's a patronising bastard.

I pull him up on it every time he does it to me and when I do he'll mumble something about being just trying to be helpful, at which I normally ask him how the hell he thinks I get through life without his constant help, that normally results in more mumbling, at which point I've stopped listening; arse.

People do do that, for some reason or other. Like Wonko I'm not fussed anymore about offending and I simply go "yes dear, I just said that dear, thank you dear".

People stop readily enough.

My dad does this, it's pretty annoying.

I usually say 'I know, I just told you'.

I know exactly what you mean, I had a previous colleague who did this continuously, it drove me insane.

He would literally just repeat exactly what you'd said but in a different order, for example

Me 'there's been a lot of errors with the X recording, I think we need to look at a new way of keeping track of them'

Him: yes I've been thinking we need a new way of recording X, there been a lot of errors'

WTF can you say back really? I just used to let it go over my head tbh he was as mad as a box of frogs anyway, got to retirement age in a really senior position & he'd just been winging it for 50 years.

I meet a fellow dog walker regularly who is an absolute expert on everything dog related since she adopted a dog from overseas and is now training it. She does this all the time and/or questions all my methods even ones l have been advised by my dog obedience class trainer. For example l told her we were now doing heel training and walking six steps to start with then saying 'heel' and holding a treat slightly behind us. She pulled an incredulous face and said 'six steps?' and then scoffed and shook her head. Same with telling my dog to be 'quiet' when we met today and she started barking at her dog. It works perfectly as my dog knows she gets a treat (when she stops barking) as soon as she hears 'quiet' . But that's wrong apparently and l should say 'shh' or l'm encouraging her to bark by saying 'quiet' l just walked off today saying 'well it worked though' so ll stick with it. Started meeting her tbh.

Started dreading meeting her.

It's similar isn't it Bahhhhumbug. These people are pathologically incapable of not correcting you. And will twist any conversation around so they can do so, even if it doesn't make sense.

TellerTuesday yes, that is exactly my point. How on earth do you respond?

My dad does this, he’s in his sixties. It’s not malicious he just forgets what I told him and there’s usually a week between me telling him something and him repeating it to me.

Sometimes, I just leave it but if it’s really long winded, then I tell him. He always laughs and says “oh yeah, you did tell me that. What was I thinking?”

OP, yes, my mother does this exactly as you described.

I ignore it by saying what I had already intended to say next, or I give her a pointed look and agree that obviously, since I just said that exact thing, yes.

My mother does this and I'm not sure whether it's a tactic or what (definite narcissistic tendencies).
The amount of self doubt she creates for me isn't helped by it as it makes me second guess what I've just said or feel belittled.
Lately I disengage and carry on as sometimes I can detect whether it's going to be provocative.

Example:
Me: "I'm just going to choose a book to read with DC."

Her: "You do read to the DC, don't you? It's really important they read and don't want too much tv."

Or

Me "off to playgroup now, talk later"

Her: "you do take them out to playgroups, don't you? They need to socialise with other children."

Pretty condescending. Also she replies "really?" to a lot of what we say. Sometimes my DH really has to resist saying well yes, otherwise we we wouldn't be telling you about it!

Can you repeat it again, so start a hugely circular conversation. She might get how annoying it is when you do it back

I would just not tell them stuff I didn't want echoed back to me.

Teen DS is a weird kid, often says incomprehensible babble & sometimes the only safe way to talk to him is to parrot back what he said (the part I could make sense of). He gets super pissed off when I don't understand.

Does sound like you might attract this kind of thing, OP. Another way to handle situations:

You: DH is going to wear his DJ to that black tie event, so I need to take it to the dry cleaners.
Them: You do know that DH will need to wear a DJ to a black tie event next week? I mean wearing a suit would be a massive faux pas!
You: Yup.

Ur mother: Well of course, you kept your name when you married as children always do the exact opposite of what their parents did.
You: (silence or at most) Hmmm...
My mother: [looks puzzled and slightly cross] Don't you agree with me?
You: Haven't thought about it. (digress onto something you do want to talk about)

I had similar, I was explaining my taste in something in a meeting, when a co-worker decided they would explain my taste better than I could!

But then they are a fan of this, explaining something from someone else, that the original sender had typed in red capitals. My co-worker obviously decided I couldnt read and would re-explain it.

My lecturer does this, really boils my piss. Ignorant cunt

Abject sarcasm is the only way to deal with these people.
“ wow! I would NEVER have thought of that. Your REALLY bright. Has anyone ever told you that?
Etc

My boss does it, if I send him something FYI he thinks that's a call to action and starts taking it over and re-explaining to me what I need to do when I've just explained what I'm doing in the FYI. It got so bad I had to move under different direct report and he's now doing it to another poor lass

My dad does this, all the time! I usually just say, so um what I just said then?

I used to have an assistant that did something like that (repeat things to me as if they were her own opinions/ideas). Sometimes she did it straight away, sometimes later. I think it was partly because she wasn't super bright and also because she was a people pleaser. Maybe she lacked confidence to express her own opinions or didn't have any, but in the work environment you need to sometimes! She was lovely and I think she was trying to impress me but obviously it had the oposit effect!

I know a few people like this.

Depending on my relationship with them, I usually say either "I know, I just told you that" or "yeah, you know I think I've heard that somewhere before"

I think maybe some people are misinterpreting ‘active listening’ which suggests you repeat something back to show you’ve understood. That’s fine imo but not passing it off as your own idea and not for simple things that have obviously been understood!