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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a healthy debate whilst my dd naps. What are your thoughts on Gender selection?

86 replies

Forevertired19 · 25/03/2018 16:13

Being as though it's becoming a common topic I've seen an various celebrities opting for it. What do you think?
I'm 22 and due my second this coming week. I have one of each which I've always wanted so I'm done for life now. But I find it interesting as my DP's cousin is ttc and struggling, she has been for years but isn't allowed IVF free due to her partner fathering a child in a previous relationship.

Shes desperate for a boy for when she does conceive and doesn't really want a girl (which I'm baffled by. I know people have their preferences but surely a healthy baby is best?) but dp mentioned it to her and mentioned it can cost around the same? (I'm on about the Cyprus clinic) as she has to go private in the UK. Plus the additional costs on top of it which she will probably take as well, surely its best to go abroad? But she isn't interested and wants to chance for a boy. Mind blown.

What are your thoughts? I'm just happy for a healthy baby regardless. I'm done mainly as my ovaries aren't in good health and I'm not in the best health but If I could have another, I'd be really happy regardless.

OP posts:
YellowMakesMeSmile · 25/03/2018 16:17

No, disagree with it ever being a choice. I never understand the preference for either sex and gender disappointment though, surely if you want to become a parent and have a child you love them regardless.

Original poster
Forevertired19 · 25/03/2018 16:20

I think the possible cheaper aspect as she's just bought her house would appeal.. But I don't see the need to select the gender? Surely the holiday away though with it would help in terms of relaxation because she's so stressed here.
I mean each to their own, I won't judge but I don't really.. Understand when someone is so desperate for a baby but of a certain sex?

OP posts:
lizabes · 25/03/2018 16:21

I think if someone is that desperate for a certain sex they're probably not ready to bring up a child tbh

reallyanotherone · 25/03/2018 16:28

I'm 22 and due my second this coming week. I have one of each which I've always wanted so I'm done for life now.

Personally i don’t think this is any different to your cousins desire for one of a particular sex. You obviously aren’t “just happy for a healthy baby”, you wanted one of each.

It’s still gender preference. What if your 2nd had been the same sex? Would you have had more purely to have a particular gender?

I agree that if you have a gender preference so strong you’d have ivf or be in any way disappointed with a gender you shouldn’t really be having children. Children are children, not a set of sex organs.

DairyisClosed · 25/03/2018 16:31

I wouldn't bother going for ivf just yo select gender but if I were having ivf anyway then I would try the embryos of my preferred gender first. Why not after all. It's all hypothetical though because I am done having children.

Original poster
Forevertired19 · 25/03/2018 16:33

It was a preference for the best of both before I even had children. But no. If ds had have been a girl it wouldn't have mattered to me regardless :) but I'm happy that I get to experience raising both boy and girl.

OP posts:
araiwa · 25/03/2018 16:35

The only thing thats important is that the baby is fit and healthy

Pengggwn · 25/03/2018 16:36

I absolutely understand the preference for a certain sex. I can't imagine why anyone would go as far as treatment to achieve it, but I get why people feel like that.

mistermagpie · 25/03/2018 16:37

I don't like these discussions because people say things like 'the only thing that matters is that the baby is healthy'... well what does that mean? You don't mind if it's a boy or girl as long as it isn't disabled?

BakedBeans47 · 25/03/2018 16:37

I’m not really in favour personally, unless it’s for health reasons. Some genetic conditions only affect one sex.

Pinkprincess1978 · 25/03/2018 16:38

For me the only reason gender selection would be a good thing is if certain disabilities are prevalent in one gender. I knew someone who kept miscarrying boys (sometimes later in pregnancy) I guess if they could guarantee a girl and therefore a healthy birth that would be a good thing?

I had one of each and I am grateful to be able to experience both genders as it is very different. However I wouldn't have been disappointed if my second DC was the same sex as my first.

reallyanotherone · 25/03/2018 16:40

It was a preference for the best of both before I even had children. But no. If ds had have been a girl it wouldn't have mattered to me regardless smile but I'm happy that I get to experience raising both boy and girl

“Best of both”? Eh?

I bet you pity us poor buggers that have two the same and don’t get to experience the “best of both”. That we are missing out on the experience of one gender.

I have two the same. I am still getting the “best of both” and i am getting the experience of raising two children with completely different personalities. The fact that they both are the same sex is irrelevant to my experience.

It really pisses me off when people say shit like this. As if “one of each” is the ideal to be aspired to.

reallyanotherone · 25/03/2018 16:43

I had one of each and I am grateful to be able to experience both genders as it is very different

How do you know the differences in raising them are die to their genitalia, and not their personalities?

Like i said, i have two the same sex and the experience of each is very different. Because they are different children, with different likes, dislikes and abilities.

VulvaNotVagina · 25/03/2018 16:44

You sound like you have a preference regarding sex as well, seeing as you say you wished for one of each.
I think nearly all parents have a slight preference for either sex, at least during the first pregnancy. If the preference is so strong that they would go for sex selection, they're not mature enough to be parents imo.

BakedBeans47 · 25/03/2018 16:44

It really pisses me off when people say shit like this. As if “one of each” is the ideal to be aspired to.

Or even worse when people say they feel sorry for people who don’t get to experience parenting both sexes Hmm I’ve seen and heard that drivel trotted out. It’s almost like children of the same sex aren’t completely different people with their own personalities regardless of what genitals they possess

cadburyegg · 25/03/2018 16:45

I don’t agree with it. I have 2 boys, the youngest being 3 weeks old. We are not planning on more children so I’ve already been told I will be “missing out”. No, those who are missing out are those who can’t have children at all or those who have children with disabilities

Original poster
Forevertired19 · 25/03/2018 16:49

I don't know their differences. I'm essentially going off having an older brother and those differences my parents had raising. Admittedly my children aren't myself and my brother. But I'm just glad they're healthy.
If I'd have had two girls that's fine.
Two boys fine.
A boy and a girl, fine.
I didn't turn up to the 20 week scan wanting to know the sex. I wanted to know if he/she in both cases as I have both we're healthy and had everything they needed and we're well with no abnormalities. But of course it was nice to know the sex after so I could get more excited and start thinking of names.

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 25/03/2018 16:49

It would be interesting as a thought experiment to see what would happen if you could choose the sex at every pregnancy.

I wonder how unbalanced the ratio would become.

(just to add, I'm against sex selection other than in cases where there is a genetic reasoning behind it)

Original poster
Forevertired19 · 25/03/2018 16:51

.. Where the fuck did I say I pitied you? I think you're lucky to be able to conceive. Any child is nice. A baby is a baby.

OP posts:
Original poster
Forevertired19 · 25/03/2018 16:53

@pink I've seen on their website they offer this due to abnormalities etc. I think it's probably only a good thing in this case

OP posts:
Tomorrowillbeachicken · 25/03/2018 17:02

I can understand it in some cases where genetic illnesses in the family may hit only one sex but other than that I don’t think it should be an option.

SleepingKings · 25/03/2018 17:03

If a parent would be so disappointed in a child just for not being born the right gender how are they going to react when the child doesn't live up to the rest of their expectations.

Imo, people who would go that far (unless for health reasons as pps have mentioned) want a toy, not a child.

manicinsomniac · 25/03/2018 17:05

Personally, I would have loved the option to select the sex. But I certainly don't think it should be allowed. It's not a good thing for society (except in the case of genetic problems carried or inherited by one sex only).

hairycoo · 25/03/2018 18:20

I understand people wanting a preferred gender, i was really hoping ds2 was gonna be a dd. Im not going to lie and say i wasnt a little disappointed at my 20 week scan, but it was fleeting and obviously wouldnt change ds2 for all the girls in the world. I dont really mind if people can afford to select gender through whatever ivf treatment but im dead set against woman aborting perfectly health babies on the grounds that it is not the 'right' sex. I dont know how this fairs with the majority on mn who believe in abortion up to term for any reason tho.

Glassofredandapackofcrisps · 25/03/2018 18:33

From my personal point of view I would have it. I have a beautiful dd she's almost two and I'm a single mum would love another girl. Would just be easier than a boy as no real male role models. Before I had my daughter I wouldn't have cared about the sex thought I'd have a boy but I delighted with my girl.

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