To ask for a healthy debate whilst my dd naps. What are your thoughts on Gender selection?

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Being as though it's becoming a common topic I've seen an various celebrities opting for it. What do you think?
I'm 22 and due my second this coming week. I have one of each which I've always wanted so I'm done for life now. But I find it interesting as my DP's cousin is ttc and struggling, she has been for years but isn't allowed IVF free due to her partner fathering a child in a previous relationship.

Shes desperate for a boy for when she does conceive and doesn't really want a girl (which I'm baffled by. I know people have their preferences but surely a healthy baby is best?) but dp mentioned it to her and mentioned it can cost around the same? (I'm on about the Cyprus clinic) as she has to go private in the UK. Plus the additional costs on top of it which she will probably take as well, surely its best to go abroad? But she isn't interested and wants to chance for a boy. Mind blown.

What are your thoughts? I'm just happy for a healthy baby regardless. I'm done mainly as my ovaries aren't in good health and I'm not in the best health but If I could have another, I'd be really happy regardless.

My eldest two are close together and different sex, but have not experienced the different personalities based on their sex. They have different personalities but neither have been gender stereotypical. Teenage (and society) peer pressure has made them more inline with stereotypes.

I dont really mind if people can afford to select gender through whatever ivf treatment but im dead set against woman aborting perfectly health babies on the grounds that it is not the 'right' sex

On a population level the end result will be the same though. It will skew the ratio of boys: girls if there is a choice.

Whether gender is selected pre birth via ivf or selective abortion, or post birth via infanticide, it will still mean we end up with more of one sex than the other.

It will also place a higher value on the “desired” sex.

@really, i did think about this after i typed it but in reality it is a small minority who can afford gender selection ivf so Id be doubtful if on their own they could skew the numbers. Abortion up to 24 weeks is relatively easy accessed for all women regarding of financial background so i would think this would skew the numbers. I assume this is why certain areas stopped revealing the sex of babies at 20 week scan?

Clash I've always wanted to see a breakdown of what society would look like if we lived in the film/book universe. Similar sort of thing.

Back to the OP, I can understand a preference but one that's strong enough to actually go through gender selection is a bit much IMO. If you're not happy with either, don't get pregnant.

I say this as a mum of two very different daughters who was expecting DD2 to be a DS. I was a little sad for the loss of the boy I'd imagined, but expect I'd have also felt this way if I'd been expecting a girl who turned out to be a boy IYSWIM.

Well, we saw what happened to China's gender ratio as a result of sex selection. It's a bad idea, IMHO. Just because we can do something, doesn't mean we should.

I’ve had IVF several times and it’s shit. Don’t understand why anyone who could easily conceive the natural way would put themselves through it unless it was the only chance they had of having a baby. To be prepared to put yourself through it just because you want a baby of a particular sex seems bonkers to me.

I think it's awful to be honest. I can understand having a gender preference - I wanted a boy and did end up having a boy, but I'd have loved a girl exactly the same and no way would I ever opt for gender selection.

I've seen a certain "celeb" (loose term) who has 4 boys and has spoke about going for gender selection as she wants a girl. I don't like it because it feels like they want to "mould" a child into something that THEY want it to be.

Seren i was once on a forum where someone decided to go straight to ivf, even though they hadn’t been ttc.

If i recall correctly the logic was they were slightly older parents, and they thought just getting straight into ivf would speed the whole process up rather than waiting for nature.

Again, iirc they conceived twins very quickly, possibly on the first round.

I suppose it will bring a level of certainty to the process- you know you’ve ovulated, you know the eggs are fertilised and in the right place, it’s just the implantation you leave to fate...

I think it's fine, tbh. I'm with Robert Winston on this one. I just can't see problems worth worrying about.

Already sex-selective abortion skews the ratios in places like India & China; gender selection from conception would prevent sex-based abortions, which rates as very good thing to me.

In OECD countries, the sex preference is about even.

reallyanotherone Yes, but if you already know you can conceive naturally, to go through IVF to just to get the sex you want, that’s different to what you describe.

I offered to donate eggs to my cousin, but I no way I'd pursue IVF for myself. Never wanted kids THAT badly. Don't care if other people would choose that path, though, for whatever reason.

I dont fully agree with sex selection but I fully get it.
I have got 2 boys and 2 girls and I am pregnant with number 5, I honestly have no preference at all now but if I had 4 of one sex then I would if people asked me say I wanted one of the other sex, not enough to consider sex selection though and of course I would still love them and be happy with a 5th girl or 5th boy but it makes perfect sense to have that preference.

When I was pregnant with DS (through IVF) I was just so happy I didn't care what I had. I actually started a thread on a different site about gender disappointment as I just didn't get it. If I was pregnant again, however, I would want a girl to have one of each. I wouldn't go so far as to actually select the sex though.

I only agree with sex selection in cases of genetic abnormalities. Otherwise, it's just wrong.
I would have like to have 1 child of each sex, but I wouldn't change either of my girls for the world. I do not intend to have any more children.
I also now loathe the phrase "as long as it's healthy". I said that when pregnant with both DD's, then DD2 arrived and was subsequently diagnosed with congenital heart disease. She had 2 surgeries before she turned 1. Still wouldn't change her for the world and don't love her any the less. By saying "as long as it's healthy", it kind of feels like devaluing any child with health problems, or disabilities.

What happens to the embryos that are not the sex you want? Or if you go through the IVF and none of the created embryos are the sex you want? Do you just throw them away and start again?

YAB V V U for confusing "sex" with "gender" in your title.

I can understand a couple with 5 boys wanting a girl or vise versa. However none of these methods are 110% guaranteed to work, so. When you ttc. It has to be because you want a baby not because you want a boy/girl. I suppose you do get what you're given.

Two boys would be dreadful, thankfully I didn’t need it

Why would it be so dreadful? What about that unwanted second boy? A child. Doesn’t matter if he grows up to bring about world peace, you would have swapped him for a girl.

I just don’t get it. All the stuff i do with mine that we enjoy and bond over I could equally do with the other gender.

2 boys would be dreadful.

What a horrible thing to say.

I had a preference for a boy, and I got a boy. But after having him I grew up and realised it wouldn't have mattered either way as I'd still have a lovely baby that I loved whatever.

However i do have a family member that went as far as not talking to their partner after they found out the sex of their baby on a scan, was the wrong sex and the partner was very pissed off about it. I always feel incredibly sorry for the child and if they ever found out, especially as everyone in the family knows exactly what the reaction was. They are also being brought up to be less like the gender they are and more the sex the other parent wanted. For the sake of that child I think the parents should have gone for gender selection.

I do agree with you, but as I read it, your DP's cousin has to have fertility treatment to conceive and, as part of that, has the option to choose the sex about which she has strong feelings. If I've read that right, I find it difficult to get very worked up about it. If she's having fertility treatment just for that reason then I agree that she's bonkers.
However, I also think you're being a bit disingenuous when you say you always wanted one of each and won't have any more children because you have that (implying you might have done if you hadn't) and talking about the "best of both" and then criticising your DP's cousin for having a strong preference. Yours may not have been as strong, but it's clearly still quite strong!

I imply I'm most likely done as my ovaries are essentially fucked and I shouldn't have been able to conceive in the first place. (stupid doctor 😣) I'm not criticising her. I understand people have their preferences. But I was getting more at cost if anything. But it really wouldn't have bothered me. I found dds book I made for her whilst carrying her and the early stages I simply didn't care. An it was the same for this one as long as baby was okay with no abnormalities etc. If I'd have learnt she had a penis I'd have been just as happy.
An 'best of both' is what people keep saying to me. I should have reiterated. I'm use it 'loosely' I mean. I'm going off on my parents raising myself and my older brother and the differences there. The stereotypical what every boy mom says "boys are more loving". "girls are a handful" etc.
I wanted children badly and if I'd have had two girls I'd have been happy.
Two boys I'd have been happy.
One of each, I'm happy.

It's understandable having a preference. I do think, though, that anyone who has one and who's going to be a parent should be unpacking that and questioning their beliefs about it rather than acting on it.

What it says is: I want a particular kind of child. The risk that you won't have the 'right' child (even if they are the 'right' sex) and they'll pick up on this is surely too high?

They are also being brought up to be less like the gender they are and more the sex the other parent wanted

That is only really possible if you stick rigidly to gender stereotype. Do you mean they are giving a boy dolls or taking a girl to football lessons?

If they are insisting a girl sticks to boy stereotypes and banning girl stuff or vice verse, then yes that is unhealthy. But imo it’s unhealthy to insist a child sticks to stereotype anyway.

I haven’t brought either of mine up to be the “gender they are”. I have brought them up to challenge gender stereotype and do what they want and play with what they want. One has never bought into gender, most people have to ask her whether she’s a boy or a girl. She’s 14! She isn’t gender fluid, lesbian, or trans, she is confident in her sex. She just likes sport, trousers and her hair short.

I haven’t brought her up “more like a boy”. I had no preference for a boy. It’s how she is.

It pisses me off in shops or play centres where i see children being dissuaded from things because “that’s for girls/boys”. My younger Dd is often challenged by shop assistants- she’s been approached and told the “girls version is over there”, and been asked at tills if she knows that they also do a pink version, and is she sure she wouldn’t prefer that, as she is buying the one for boys. Took us ages to find a hairdresser to do a short haircut on a girl too. You’d think we’d asked to perform grs.