AIBU regarding 17yr old newly passed driver carrying my 3yr old daughter?

[missbehaving1000]

Hi All,

I'm just after some opinions please over a matter which I'm in two minds about.

I have a DD who's 3. Relations between her and I father are not good. Court order in place etc and contact is only over email.

She has two half siblings, the older of which has just passed his driving test. He turned 17 in January and within weeks he was driving.

Today, when DD was returned home, she was in half brothers car with him driving. Her half sister was in the front and her dad was in the back.

This made me feel very uncomfortable, and I'm in two minds as to whether to email the ex to discuss the matter.

AIBU to do this, as I know legally the half sibling can drive whoever he wants. Am I worrying needlessly? Or should I be asking for DDs dad to at least sit in the front next to his son so that god forbid if anything were to happen, he'd be in a better position to help? Instead of his 12yr daughter who's there at the moment.

Would appreciate your thoughts! Thanks.

It would depend on whether it’s motorway driving or quiet suburban streets for me. But I would want them to have a couple more years driving experience overall before I entrusted my DC with them

Sorry just to be clear. My DD sees her dad every other weekend and the half siblings are on her dads side, not mine.

In your shoes I wouldn't be happy, but there's not much you can do. He passed his test, so he can legally drive anyone. I don't think emailing him would resolve anything and you can't demand that he sits in the front or that he drives.

They passed a test and are safe to drive. That's the end of it really.

I wouldn't be happy with that. There's plenty of other time for a teenager to get used to driving without needing to have a young child in the car. No matter how 'good' she is, at that age and that newly passed she hasn't had enough experience and could panic if something unexpected happens on the road.

You're not being unreasonable to be cautious; but there's not much you can do about it. He's passed his test and is legally driving; so all you could do is request that your ex doesn't let him drive your child around - which might make your ex do it more.

Driving unsafely would endanger himself not just your dc so why would he? An examiner deemed him safe for the roads so you will have to accept it.

That is very quick to pass a test, I guess he must have had experience before turning 17, most take a few months of lessons. A lot of learning to drive happens once the test has been passed in terms of road sense etc.

My DD18 passed her test about 6 months ago and her driving has improved a lot in that time. She didn't drive her younger brothers (15) for a few weeks after passing until she was fully confident, but does now. The sight of the 3 people I love most in the world heading out together in a machine still puts my heart in my mouth a little so I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable with a 3 year old in the car.

It's a tricky one - there's no 'reason' why not other than protectiveness so it depends how you think your ex will take it.

I wouldn't be happy with my child in the car with a new driver.

They passed the test so are deemed safe to drive so don’t really see what the issue is tbh.

Why not Pengggwn? Once I passed my test I drove my own dc, should I not of? As a new driver should I of never driven and walked my dc everywhere?

By the logic of some on here I shouldn't have driven with my children in the car when I was newly passed..... Where should I have left them?

I don't care what anyone else does. I'm saying what I would and wouldn't be happy with, as regards my child.

Plus the dad was with the driver so unlikely to be doing anything silly

I can see why you are iffy about it, but your dd's father was there, in the back of the car, so presumably he is happy to be driven by his son, and maybe was there in a "supervisory capacity" just to check out how the boy was driving.

I understand your concerns however there is nothing you can do about it. And as the co parenting relationship is high conflict I wouldn't bring it up.

I can understand why you're concerned, but don't see any point in trying to 'discuss' it with Ex. If you don't get on anyway then he's not going to take any notice of you.

The 17 year old is legal to drive, and I can't see anyway you can stop it.

I don't think your DDs age is relevant but I firmly believe that new drivers should not carry any passengers until they have some experience. When my DC were 17 and all their friends were learning to drive I did not let them take passengers until they had been driving for a couple of months at least.

I wouldn't be happy with that, I'd want them to have a little more experience behind the wheel before carrying a car load of passengers. Is it a local journey in the car?

I intitially thought you meant it had just been the 17 year-old new driver and a three year old in the car - I would definitely be unhappy about that, but if his Dad is there then presumably the lad is going to drive responsibly.
To those saying that they drove their own young children when they had just passed their tests, it is hardly the same thing! You weren't 17 year old boys with something to prove.
A friend's 17 year old step daughter was killed in January six weeks after passing her test - she took a bend (on a road she'd driven hundreds of times before) too fast, was on the wrong side of a road and met a truck head on. I'd be wary of letting my child be transported by any 17 year old alone in the car - the young driver could easily be distracted by the child - but youn probably shouldn't say anything on this occasion.

Thanks everyone for your replies. It's interesting to read everyone's thoughts on the matter.

Agree with the co parenting relationship already being strained means it's probably not a great idea to bring it up and that it's likely to fuel this to happen more.

It's not a local journey, 25miles with a mixture of dual carriageways and country roads.

As frustrating as it is I think the best thing is for me to keep a dignified silence, and just hope and pray that DD remains safe.

YABU, I’m sure he’s not going to do anything unsafe with a child and his dad in the car? He’s just past his test which means he’s safe to drive, driving tests are a lot harder to pass now so well done him for passing so quickly.

You fail your test for the smallest things, if he wasn’t safe to drive he wouldn’t have passed.

I passed and I just got lucky. I was a terrible driver for about the first year on the road.

YABU Should I not be driving my two around alone as I've been driving under a year?

What's the point in passing if you can't just crack on? Her dad being in the front would be no help btw. If they have an accident they have an accident.