To absolutely hate my life?

[itwillbeok12]

I have name changed as I know this isn’t going to make me popular but here goes.

I absolutely hate my life but I have no reason to and no idea why I do.

I messed up at school but was the funny one so had loads of friends and didn’t care about grades or exams but unbelievably after messing about for a couple of years I have managed to carve out a career in a really good industry and earn well above the average way salary as does my dh so we have no money worries at all.

My dh is amazing one of those men who every woman wants to be married to and we have 6 year old twins (1boy, 1 girl). He is British but grew up in South Africa and deep down I always think he would rather be over there than here. This was everything I thought I wanted when I was younger but I hate it. I cook, clean, cuddle my kids and make sure they know I love them but inside I’m screaming. If I could walk away right now and know it wouldn’t hurt them I would do it.

I have lost all my friends as I was the first in my age group to have children where I am (London) and I’m so jealous when I see them all out together via Facebook pictures and I’m sat at home reading bed time stories. I hate parents evening, I hate making lunches, I hate the paintings my kids do me that I have to stick of my fridge but most of all I hate that I hate it, I want to love it , to feel proud of what my children are achieving to really mean it when I tell them I love them, most of all to not resent them because they have their whole lives ahead of them and mines gone.

So here I am at 38 wondering where the time went, why I made so many mistakes and what I can do to make this right? I know I’m going to be judged but if anyone has any actual advice or knows how I feel I would be grateful to hear it?

The idea that 'having a man and children' is the prize, the aim, the goal in life is nonsense. Dear women, not only is servicing other people your destiny, but you are supposed to strive to do so...

OP: Five hours a week. That's the bare minimum of time you should have to do stuff you enjoy, for your benefit and no one else's. As long as you have the kids' other parent on hand, you need to insist that yyou matter and have tine for yourself.

I think you should go out with your old friends. Get away for a weekend. Sometimes it puts everything into perspective and you’ll see that the grass isn’t greener with your old childless friends v

I think it must be hard having twins even with for example a nanny and a grandma on tap and a perfect partner. I think having twins and bringing them up even with lots of help must be one of the hardest things in the world to achieve. Especially alongside the rigours of working as well.

Hey “it will be ok 12” - It really is ok to find life overwhelming, tedious, empty, painful and/or utterly miserable. Dig deep... there’s great value and purpose within your anguish. Check out... www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Despair-Support-encouragement-times/dp/1979675120?tag=mumsnetforum-21

OP, it will be good to know whether you have always felt this way after you had the twins or whether it crept up on you or is there a trigger event (even mid-life crisis).

I get these feelings after a stress trigger but they go away. I wonder whether your feelings are situational or more deep seated.