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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel deflated and pissed off

69 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/03/2018 23:02

I have worked since I was 17, my DP since he was 13, we’ve got 2 kids that weren’t planned for but we love them regardless, we currently live with my mum and family because we can’t afford a place of our own but we earn too much for any help. I see many of the mums at the school and listen to people who brag about it that have never worked and they get everything. Housing benefit, tax credits, income support. I just feel like We are working our ass off why some people couldn’t care less about even lifting a finger. We try to save but something comes up and it’s another setback. I love to work, I need it, but I’m starting to feel maybe I’ll declare my self single and jobless and I’ll get every benefit under the sun. Maybe I shouldn’t have had kids not being financially secure, but they are here and I wouldn’t change them for the world.
I see people conning the system and I just get enraged.

OP posts:
Celticlassie · 23/03/2018 23:06

'Every benefit under the sun' doesn't add up to that much. There's a perception that it's easy to live on benefits, but it certainly isn't. It's very frustrating to be struggling and see others who appear to have it easy, but you have no idea what others financial situation is like.

lolaflores · 23/03/2018 23:10

No fun times to be had on benefits these days. I have heard and read some shocking stories. I've been through the PIP ordeal for a pittance.
I do feel for you. I really do. But believe me, there is a lot of despair, suffer g and fear going around

ghostyslovesheets · 23/03/2018 23:12

well the solution is obviously for you both to give up work and live the highlife if it's so fun

You both work - I imagine you qualify for CB and CTC? so - you know 'benefits' ...people in glass houses etc etc

Original poster
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/03/2018 23:12

I know it’s not easy living on benefits, I know a few people who like to brag about all the money they get from not working and pretending thier single when in fact they are not. I feel like I’m working to pay for others who can’t be bothered. I have no issues with people on benefits who have worked but for whatever reason can’t, my problem is the people who have no intention to work.

OP posts:
Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 23:13

Biscuit. Go back to 2005 where you came from. Life on benefits is not easy these days.

starzig · 23/03/2018 23:13

But would you be happy if you didn't work? Working is more than just the money.

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 23:13

(And I’m a Tory).

ghostyslovesheets · 23/03/2018 23:14

I doubt you pay enough tax to fund much past your own use of services - so don't fret about it

PrettyLittIeThing · 23/03/2018 23:14

So go on benefits then if they are so great!

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 23/03/2018 23:21

I'd just like to say that my DH and I have recently found ourselves in a situation where we are claiming benefits having never done so before and always worked. My DH lost his job very suddenly (and with that our home as it came with the job). I've been on SSP for a little while and due to go on maternity very shortly. Plus we have 3 other children. We are currently staying with my mum in her one bedroom flat and on the bones of our arses. Life on benefits is absolutely fucking shit and in no way a decent lifestyle choice. I really wish people actually understood how hard it is to claim anything at all never mind live on what you receive.

donajimena · 23/03/2018 23:24

When children grow up these benefits cease so unless you have a plan in place you are pretty screwed.
When you add up these benefits you have to be earning a pretty penny to replace the same amount of money. However, despite the apparent £££ that people receive most of that will be eaten up in rent.
My rent is 800 and I have to pay 700 of that. Its incredibly difficult to live as a single person. It wasn't my choice to be a lone parent.
You sound awfully petty. Why can't you console yourself that you are fortunate compared to most people?
As a pp said you could always give up work if you think a life on benefits is easy.

Original poster
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 23/03/2018 23:27

@snowwhitesrestingbitchface
I’m sorry to hear that, We currently live in one bedroom in my mums house so is cramped but clearly not as cramped as you guys. My son has just been diagnosed with autism so really think he needs his own space. I’m just a bit overwhelmed and fed up. And then you hear these people bragging about not ever working because they can just claim benefits, that’s the bit that gets me.

OP posts:
HateTheDF · 23/03/2018 23:32

I feel the same OP except my DP and I don't have children. We simply can't afford them. I can't see how we could ever afford a house, all our money goes to our landlord (London) and we never have any spare despite both of us working full time. We can't move, my DP's career means we have to be in London and I can't see any way out of it.

Most of my friends from school are married with children and they go on holidays abroad, don't work and generally on the outside it seems they have a better quality of life.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 23/03/2018 23:40

I genuinely think that the people on benefits who seem to have an amazing lifestyle full of holidays etc must be using finance/credit cards or something because it simple isn't realistic on benefits otherwise. Obviously you get help with housing etc which can be amazing (I'm not 100% sure yet as our situation is very recent and we've only just been told we will be receiving anything at all never mind looked at any sort of alternative accommodation).

My DH is really struggling. He is 32 this year and has worked non stop since he was 15 (obviously whilst in school/college at first then full time after that). Now he doesn't really know what to do with himself. The ONLY up side to any of this has been having some time together as a family (although we've not been able to go anywhere or do anything) the kids have appreciate having him around more.

NFATR · 24/03/2018 00:07

If you both work but have no housing costs how do you possibly have no savings?
And even if you had one child you could't afford or house, why did you have a second?

Sarsparella · 24/03/2018 00:13

If you earn too much to get help & live with your mum how can you have no money? Are you paying her a high rent?

How has your DP worked since he was 13, so you mean he started working part time while he was at school?

Could either of you retrain for a better paid career path?

Redlocks28 · 24/03/2018 00:13

Can people who don’t work at all really afford foreign holidays? I struggle to believe benefits are that good!

x2boys · 24/03/2018 00:16

Have you applied for DLA for your son ? If he gets awarded it you might also get extra tax credits etc ?

Custardo · 24/03/2018 00:17

do it - no really, if benefits are that good do it.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 24/03/2018 00:19

If you're earning so much you qualify for no extra help I think you need to seriously question what on earth you're spending it on.

You cannot have your cake and eat it sadly.

Obsidion · 24/03/2018 00:32

Who are all these people conning the system and living it up? I have never met any, not a single one.

I've been there, single parent, income support, housing benefit. I couldn't afford a holiday or even carpet. In the winter I struggled to even keep the gas meter topped up.

I'm doing much better now. I would not want to go back to that.

ScreamingValenta · 24/03/2018 00:38

Whereabouts do you live, OP? I'm thinking it must be somewhere with fairly high house prices if you are both working with no hope of your own place. Would relocation be an option if you could find work somewhere with cheaper house prices? I appreciate your circumstances might preclude this, of course.

thecatsarecrazy · 24/03/2018 00:40

I know what you mean op. I know someone who set up home with her b.f and they had a child. 1 bed flat he owns it they're not married.
Fast forward 2 years she falls pregnant again not planned. He can't afford to buy anywhere else and he wouldn't even be able to rent so she's pretending to split up from him and she's getting the keys to a house soon. I have no idea of finances etc but im absolutely disgusted that she is taking a house that could be used for a genuine single mum.

Coolaschmoola · 24/03/2018 00:46

And here's us, no benefits except CB and just the one child because we can't afford the nursery bill for another... We can house the one we've got though.

You CHOSE your situation. Why are you mad at other people?

ReanimatedSGB · 24/03/2018 01:03

As usual, you're all getting mad at the wrong people. The people to blame are the ones who fucked the economy with toxic financial gambling (the banks) and who have insisted on holding employee wages down as much as possible in order to pay CEOs and shareholders the maximum profits. These are the people exploiting your work ethic.
Anyone able to game the benefits system enough to get themselves a few extra quid - good luck to them.

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