To feel deflated and pissed off

[Sophisticatedsarcasm]

I have worked since I was 17, my DP since he was 13, we’ve got 2 kids that weren’t planned for but we love them regardless, we currently live with my mum and family because we can’t afford a place of our own but we earn too much for any help. I see many of the mums at the school and listen to people who brag about it that have never worked and they get everything. Housing benefit, tax credits, income support. I just feel like We are working our ass off why some people couldn’t care less about even lifting a finger. We try to save but something comes up and it’s another setback. I love to work, I need it, but I’m starting to feel maybe I’ll declare my self single and jobless and I’ll get every benefit under the sun. Maybe I shouldn’t have had kids not being financially secure, but they are here and I wouldn’t change them for the world.
I see people conning the system and I just get enraged.

I don't understand how you're both earning enough to be over the threshold for benefits, and living with your mum, yet can't save to get your own place. What sort of things "keep coming up" that eat your savings?

Also, are you trying to save for a deposit to buy a house, or rent one?

And don't believe everything people brag about. They're probably living on credit and getting themselves deeper and deeper into debt.

I get you op. I do know someone who has never worked and was proud of it. She always went on holiday every year. She even told me her benefit advisor had said she was better off not looking for work u until her youngest was 15 because she would be worse off. Used to piss me off when she would be sunbathing on a morning when I went to work and was still there when I got home. Of course for most people life on benefits is not easy but there are some pisstakers.

It sounds like you're frustrated with your situation at the minute! It sounds tough especially in cramped conditions and when you feel like you're getting nowhere.
Are you claiming child benefit and tax credits? I imagine you should be entitled.
I keep a spreadsheet of my income and outgoings each month, even stupid things like a bar of chocolate. This means you can better analyse where you are spending and make the effort to make any changes necessary to allow you to save.
Don't be jealous of those who seem to get everything for nothing. Like prev post said it may be that they're getting themselves deeper and deeper into debt and they will still have to keep an eye on the pennies like everyone else even though it might not look like it from the outside.

I'm confused too, you both work and live with your mum so very little rent/bills/food costs ? To not qualify for ANY help you must be earning £20,000 + and you can't save !! To quote your original post "something always comes up" like what ? are you prioritising saving ? The maths doesn't work out.

If they are on benefits and living the high life they are likely criminals. We were baffled at how our old non working on all benefits neighbours lived a life of black cabs and dominos pizzas but they were dealing drugs.

OP what’s actually going on in your life? There isn’t anything to be ashamed of if you guys have got into a lot of debt etc, but otherwise it doesn’t make any sense that you are both working, no rent and no money. If that’s the case I agree, why bother working? One of you stop and concentrate their energy into your children and finding a way out of this.
Housing wise have you looked at housing associations? They offer all sorts of products like affordable rent (80% of market) and shared ownership, many without big wait lists.

But you do need to be able to afford to pay some rent

As others have said. Give up work and go and live on benefits.

It's like when people moan about council tenants. Give up your mortgage and go and apply for council houses then.

There are always solutions to your "problems".

I am on benefits at the moment (and likely to be for the foreseeable future) due to chronic, degenerative, incurable illness.

I fucking hate it, I would give anything to be able to go back to work.

The grass isn’t always greener......

Like I said no issue for those who worked but are now on benefit for whatever reason. My DP started work aged 13 as a weekend assistant at a hotel kitchen. We do pay my Mum rent but also have other expenses like travel etc. Relocation is not an option especially with my DS autism. I know several people where one of them works part time. He has a cushty little 2 bedroom house only pays about £100 of his rent, his gf work on the side and they still have excess money every month 😕. He has top of the range everything. Then I know some people who had babies just to get benefits. Which is totally wrong in my book. We do save but it’s no where near enough to afford to buy or rent when you include all the other expenses gas, electric, council tax. It seems we are in the middle of both which is a shitty place to be. Overall I’m glad we have a roof over our head but it just riles me up when you see people with no intention to work just relying on others. I literally don’t think I could do that. I like to pay my way. I do get tax credits £10 per week and of course child benefits. I only earn £8k per year and my partner £19k which of course is no where in range for a mortgage even if we could afford it. Waiting for the paperwork from camhs to apply for the DLA even though personally I don’t think he’s bad enough to apply even though the dr said he was 🤔 I was having a bad day yesterday and just need to vent.

Did your DP not complete school then or was he working pt from aged 13? Plenty of teenagers work part time for pocket money

If you’re only earning £8k a year that can’t be full time, could you increase your hours? And someone else will know better than me but I think you should be entitled to some support on that salary?

If the doctor says you can apply for DLA then do it, I know that paperwork is a slog but it’s worth it

How much does it cost to rent where you are? Your income looks similar to mine and I have plenty enough to cover our needs and rent a lovely house. Do you have large outgoings? Debt?

You don't need to wait for CAHMS to apply for DLA, you don't even need a diagnosis. I also have an autistic child, I used the guide on Cerebra to help me fill the form out. You are also entitled to extra tax credits if you are awarded DLA.

How are you struggling to save? What is that's eating up all your money? It should theoretically be much easier for you to save when living at your mums. Obviously you'll be paying expenses but nowhere near as much as if you had your own home, so where is any money that you do have going to?

Are you sure your tax credits are worked out correctly? I don't think you'd get working tax but you should be getting more than £10 a week for child tax. Not a dramatic amount more, but definitely more than what you currently get. I'd look in to that.

Personally, I'd look at moving to a cheaper area when you do have some money saved. Your child's autism isn't really a reason not to, it might be upsetting for him but he will adjust. Sometimes needs must, and yours needs right now are finding your own home for your family to live in.

Your choices:

• become a single parent and go on benefits and live the 'high life'
• get a credit card and buy top of the range luxuries which will provide untold happiness (also get a pay day loan, store credit cards, catalogues etc)
• borrow money all the time off people you know and just don't pay it back!

Or

• get a full time job so you earn more than £8k and move out of your mums

Look for private rentals and claim top up housing benefit. Go on the council list. Contact the CAB for advice, how do you think other people manage?

If you can get DLA for your son, then depending on what rate he gets you may get carers allowance and your tax credits will go up, so that will help your situation some what. It may help your family rent somewhere bigger.
Best of luck to you OP, it does sound stressful just now.

I was told you can apply for DLA before a diagnosis is given

If you read the ops post it sounds as though the people she is referring to claim to be single but actually aren't.

So you have a mother 'entitlrd' to her benefits as a lone parent but then she also has a working partner who's money is extra so they probably are quite well-off.
Dh's half brother and ex pulled a similar stunt they were together but he rented a room else where for post etc and they got away with it. There are blurred lines between people being together and not together.

Thing is op i can see why you are pissed off but those people are benefit cheats and ultimately you can report them if you believe they are lying about their status.

I live in the south east and would need a 3 bedroom, prices are similar to london although still cheaper. I can’t go full time as much as I’d love to, I have 2 kids so I work in school time. I’m waiting for them to both get older so I can go full time. I did do full time till my DS was born. I look on Rightmove every day just to see if there are any ch3ap places to rent, ones we’d be able to afford.

On 8k a year you’re not paying income tax, so don’t worry you’re funding other people’s benefits.

You currently live in a one bed flat with your mum, surely a two bed would be better than what you're currently in?

Your wages are more money than I get between my wages and tax credits for myself and 6 children.

I have rent and bills to pay and 6 kids to feed.

Your budgeting is going wrong somewhere.

Have you got yourself on the list for social housing? Thought about moving areas?

There's lots you can do, but being angry at people who are living the high life with all their benefits won't change your situation at all. You're focussing on the wrong thing.

OP I'm a single parent with a 2 year old and work full time commuting into London and I don't have any local support.

Not sure why you can only work school hours since you live with your family and husband and then complain about others?

I don’t know anyone who didn’t do a Saturday job or part time job in their teens. It’s nothing to shout about. It’s not like he left school and went out to work 10 hours a day. I had 3 part time jobs at 16. It doesn’t mean anything apart from I liked to have cash from a young age —tospendonfagsandpilotclothes—

Why do you need a 3 Bedroom place? Surely a 2 Bed place is better than being cramped into your mums house?

If your mum is happy for you to live with her she must be supportive, does she work? Or could she look after the kids while you work FT? Can you reduce any of your outgoings? Do you budget?

And lastly if you know people who are cheating the system, report them.