To make a complaint

[CollyWombles]

To the school about my DD football coach.

My dd has been away for five days on a very full on adventure trip with her school. She got back at 3pm tonight. An hour later her friend came over clutching a note about a football tournament happening tomorrow.

My dd is exhausted and doesn't want to attend. Her friend was pressuring her but I stepped and said no, it wouldn't be happening.

My dd messaged her coach to say sorry, she would not be attending. Her coach replied with 'please DD, we need you, I will give you a lift'

After the pressure from her friend and now her coach, my dd ended up in tears. She is knackered, I asked how she was in touch with the coach, turns out it's via snap chat. I replied to the coach, stating dd would not be attending and was in tears due to pressure to attend, that I would be contacting the school. I also stated I found it unprofessional that snap chat was involved and any further contact was to be with myself.

My dd is head girl and is under a lot of pressure as it is. I think that to expect her to attend a tournament all day tomorrow is frankly ridiculous and I'm upset that my daughters return home has been stressful for her.

The coach responded saying dd had asked for her snap chat, dd maintains the coach asked for hers. Coach is making a counter complaint apparently!

AIBU to report her to the school for pressuring my dd to attend?

"Please we need you" is manipulative, the coach should have called to discuss with you and find out why she couldn't/didn't want to attend. Also, you don't sound suffocating to me, you sound like a lovely caring mum.

Her friend went to the coach's house?? FFS, it gets worse!

I think it was for training, going to the coach house.

What is the coach wanting to make a complaint about?!

No idea, presumably me saying dd had told me the coach requested her on snap chat and not the other way round as the coach says. Something like that.

OK fair enough
I guess things in written format can be read different ways
I just meant I had read it to be more encouraging that she was an important part of the team
Good luck with perusing your complaint although it's clear you are completely in the right about inappropriate social media contact

My dd friend left here to go to the coach house

Wait, what?

Thank you @Claredemoon I hope I am.

I get where you are coming from @Hmmalittlefishy I do, I just think there was more to it than encouraging because she didn't even check why first.

I'm not sure if it's a school tournament, think the friend took the note away when she left.

That is very weird. Is the friend doing a relative of the coach? Why is she travelling door to door to relay messages? And how was she getting around? Surely she had a parent with her. Why didn't they step in? What right does the coach have to complain about anything? You family are the 'client' in this scenario so unless you were wildly inappropriate I do not see what complaints she could possibly have. Does Your DD's school have form for hiring nutters?

Wow. I can't believe someone said you were suffocating!!! Your daughter is 11 fgs.

If a coach contacted my 11yo via social media (aside from the fact your dd is too young for it), I would definitely be making a complaint. It is highly inappropriate and yaDNbu!

I don't believe the coach is a teacher at the school. I think she is a coach only. Not sure if that changes things regarding social media.

Dear God! Not doing. Not doing! Word predicted auto correct.

Is the coach young and inexperienceed? Maybe she was worried about a parent coming in all guns blazing and was worried about the the repurcussions and went on the defensive?

Ah the parent of said friend is a whole other matter altogether. I discovered tonight that when my dd has stayed at friends house, drugs and drink has been around her. Which probably hasn't helped my own reactions tonight.

I'm expecting the parent to pay me a visit as the coach initially tried to placate me by saying she was going to friend's mother to speak to her about the pressure she was putting my dd under. Which isn't actually anything to do with her and just annoyed me further.

Yes coach is young. Probably inexperienced, I have no idea, I've only met her once. She seemed nice enough. My other dd broke her shoulder at a football practice and the coach was lovely.

Because I believe my dd is mature enough to use it. Age recommendations are just that. She is mature for her age, handles responsibility well and I am happy as her mother for her to have it.

It doesn't make a difference that she isn't a teacher, she's in a position of authority and will be subject to the schools Safeguarding policy or whoever employs her.

@Notwhatthedogsaid do you often generalise children? Are you suggesting all children are fine to play a full days football on the basis yours might be? My dd takes part in pretty much every school activity going, gymnastics, cross country, football and karate. If she tells me she is too tired, she is too tired. Don't assume you know my child. Your feelings regarding my dd and her ability to play sport is irrelevant to the question I asked.

I don’t think the coach was in the wrong asking her to play and saying they needed her. Doesn’t sound like grounds for a complaint.

The snapchat is totally unprofessional and inappropriate. We are not allowed (and would not want to) associate with pupils on social media.

Playing footie after a decent nights sleep is fine. She’s a kid and they have bundles of energy. Mine play sport every day

The 11yo has been away all week on a school trip and says she didn't want to play in the tournament. I don't blame her, she'll be tired and want to spend the day chilling with her family. Do you suggest op forces her because yours 'play sport everyday'?

@Notwhatthedogsaid read back. I responded.

IMO yadnbu to say dd shouldn’t go. It doesn’t matter whether coach is make it female still TOTALLY wrong for anyone in position of authority to message any pupil. I’d be more worried about that and complain about that rather than the pressure. Hope youre dd enjoys being back at home.