I have been unreasonable now I need to make it right

[QueenOfIce]

Dh and I usually get along very well, we rarely argue and make a pretty good team, however.

We are moving house today, removals arrived early am and we all mucked in, all except dh who spent spent an hr dismantling the tv bracket, and has generally been unhelpful. It's not that he's lazy he's just slow slower than me.

I feel as though I have not stopped whilst he has casually got his shit together. My car is full of fragile stuff that I didn't want in the van so I asked dh if he would put the things I couldn't get into my car into his.

4 (not huge) boxes, he loaded 2 and disappeared to make tea for the movers. I came downstairs and in the porch are the other 2 boxes, I can't find his car keys to put them in myself so I asked him to remember the others, he picks up 1 takes it to the car I follow shortly after with the other and as I get to the door I can see he's not placed them he's thrown them in and is now shoving a ladder on top amongst it all.

I got annoyed because in the boxes were fragile items that I couldn't fit in my car but wanted to take care of myself. Words were had and in a huff he went to shut the car door but my arm was still in there so I whipped around and slapped my dh hard on his chest.

I feel awful, I apologised immediately and there's no excuse. I have never slapped anyone and nor has he. This is not how I wanted our move to go!

I've been awful haven't I?

Do you mean you slapped him deliberately, or that you whipped your arm out and caught him?

If it was a deliberate slap then I do think you need to apologise - say that you know it's no excuse but you were frustrated and upset, but that you're horrified you hit him and you won't ever do it again.

If it was an accident I think it's less of an issue, but still worth a general apology for bad temper etc (and hopefully he will also recognise that he was being a pain)

Sorry, misread your OP and I see you have apologised! Hopefully he'll know it was a one off and you can both move on.

Frankly he sounds useless. How do you put up with him?!

Yes he does sound like a pain in the arse. I’d never put up with this level of faffing, I only have to ask dh something once and it’s done immediately. Thankfully he’s not a faffer.

Just apologise and get on with it. It’s not a huge deal.

As in he tried to shut your arm in the car door? And you pulled your arm away and hit him in the process?

Can you imagine if this was a man saying he turned around and hit a woman hard on the chest.

“It’s not a huge deal” indeed.

For not being fast enough 🙄

I don't think he realised my arm was still in there and I was so pissed off I hit him deliberately because I thought he'd done it on purpose. He does faff but he's not completely useless just doesn't crack on with things or take much care.

It's a big deal to me because it's not my character and dh would never slap me ever. I have no excuses, I feel so bad.

Why on earth would you think he'd try and shut your arm in a door?

I'd never assume DH was deliberately trying to hurt me, that's horrible!

DH wouldn’t not blink an eyelid if I did this to me because I’d realise he had done it in fear that I was about to slam the door on his hand. He’d probably say something like “oi why’d you shove me?” and then forget about it ten seconds later. We are both very easygoing people, apart from the serious stuff. But your DH is different so please feel free to do whatever you think best. Not sure what you can do to make it right apart from sincerely apologise?

OP you did it in panic that you were going to get your arm trapped. You didn't turn round and belt him.

Tensions are very high and whilst not excusable in any shape or form, it is easily forgivable.

On a separate note, he really needs to shape the f up.

I thought he might have inadvertently tried to, not deliberately (in which case you’ve got bigger issues...)

‘if I did this to him’ silly typo

Moving is incredibly stressful.

Those who crack on do find those that don't very frustrating. It builds up angst, which creates tension, which is probably why you thought he was trapping your arm.

If I were you I'd have a good hug with him. Take some deep breaths. Remember it's a move and all will be okay. Show him you're incredibly sorry. And get on with the move.

Yes i agree with ivenoidea. Tensions are very high during a house move and your DH is not helpful.

He sounds like a chocolate tea pot! Can’t stand people you can’t rely on, particularly not when there’s something stressful like moving going on. Where are his priorities?

OP, we've just moved too and more than a few words were said to the tune of me doing more because I move quickly whereas he's just so much slower. I was mean, I snapped, I made it seem like he'd hardly done anything. We lived like that for a few days. I realised it was the stress and apologised.

Moving is very stressful so please don't beat yourself up about it. It doesn't sound like you're a violent person and I'm sure your DH has forgiven you already. Do something nice for him when everything calms down. My DP surprised me by cracking on with more of the unpacking so you never know...

What are the 5 most stressful situations
Moving house
Moving job
Getting married
Getting divorced
Death
.it's likely that having crossed that line you won't do it again. What does DP say?

He nearly jammed your arm in a door so you pushed him away? (I'm not really understanding how you can slap someone on the chest so am assuming it's a violent push?!).
You've apologised. Take a moment to calm down if you can.
Get through the move today then you can chat about what happened later.
You sound incredibly stressed if you thought he was going to deliberately catch your arm in a door when he doesn't have previous form for doing stuff like that.

You are moving house, it's one of life's most stressful experiences and not a great day for anyone to judge anyone's behaviour. Say sorry and grovel. I'm surprised you've anytime to be on MN tbh!!!
Good luck with the move!

Tink I've been incredibly anal and organised I'm at the new house awaiting removal van. No idea where dh is!

If this was about a guy who had hit a woman a bet every post on here would be ltb

You assaulted him. You’ve got a serous amount of making up to do and really it’s up to him if he decides to accept it. I wouldn’t.

Can you imagine if a man posted saying he'd deliberately hit his wife? I can't imagine he'd get a load of posts saying "moving is stressful" or "she sounds like a pain"

OP no matter what he did, you hitting him is way over the line. If this is how you deal with stress then that is a major issues. If you want to save your marriage then I think you need to go and get some professional help about this asap. If your DH wants to end the marriage or to ask you to move out for a while then that's something you are just going to have to accept. It's good that you are sorry, but sorry is just not enough.