To think the MN answer for everything is counselling

[idontwanttogetoutofbed]

As though it's some magic fix?

Have you ever had counselling OP?

Demand your DP gets counselling immediately

People can be helped by counselling but there seems to be a theme that if you aren't magically fixed you can't possibly have "sought help"

YABU the answer to everything is to log it with the police and go to a spa!

Or “refer to CAMHS” on the parenting threads.

No, it’s “Log it with 101” or LTB!

Or get a nanny or a cleaner. Move house and change your job.

No, I think counselling is the answer to mental health problems. And many of the problems people post about stem from low self-esteem, shitty childhoods and poor decision making, all relayed to mental health.

YANBU, and for loads of people counseling doesn't actually help them with their mental health issues!

For anything employment related it's usually tell hr

Yeah. It's just there's posters with deep intensive trauma posting at times, who've probably sought help a thousand times over with multiple "services" e.g. Women's Aid, CAMHS, Crisis teams, counsellors, Samaritans

But always the helpful query after someone reveals their entire family died in a tragic car crash or their child was murdered or some such horrendous trauma "have you sought counselling?"

It really grates on me

Well I think suggesting counselling is at least a bit more useful than the old ‘take a spa day’ bollocks.

In many cases counselling is a good suggestion though.

Counselling CAN help.

It doesn't always fix

What do you want people to say? Most people want suggestions or advice not just 'yeah you're right that sounds shit'.

This is an Internet forum. People don't know each other from Adam. Advice given online is going to be quite brutal a lot of the time because without knowing your full circumstances its impossible to give in depth advice.

Counselling helps some people, some people do need to "LTB" etc

So what do you want people to say to a person that's in a bad place then OP?

No counselling isn’t a cure all, it didn’t fix me because i wasn’t broken but it gave me the space (which I was terrible at giving myself) to work through my shit. For the first time in my life someone was listening and for me, that was enough but it took a traumatic event for me to be open to something other than my usual stoicism.

What constructive advice would you give OP? Or is this just negative finger pointing.

But always the helpful query after someone reveals their entire family died in a tragic car crash or their child was murdered or some such horrendous trauma "have you sought counselling?"
Well, they mention if because it might help the person deal with their situation, and where its something to cannot control or change, it seems quite good advice.
What else could they say?

• Thats terrible (just sympathy)
• Its hopeless, thing will never improve
• have drink/ go to a spa and try to block it out
• try to work out how to do time travel, and get back and fix things

Counselling helps a lot of people.

It's the posts where it's pretty clear the OP will have sought counselling that grate me.

Like someone would have major trauma and never think to themselves "I'll try counselling"

I had counselling when I had an eating disorder. It was helpful and, like someone else said, gave me space to talk, reflect and think about what I wanted and needed.

If I had enough money I would absolutely pay for a counsellor now too. I think it’s an incredible resource. It doesn’t ‘magically fix’ anything, but it did really help support me when I was very vulnerable .

It's the posts where it's pretty clear the OP will have sought counselling that grate me

How would you know? If the OP doesn't say they have. Do you mean posters haven't read the thread.

Not everyone seeks counselling after a traumatic event. If they're posting on MN looking for some advice because of something terrible that's happened they usually say they've tried counselling.

I don't understand your point OP. What's it to you?

YABU because 1) MNers suggest all sorts of solutions to problems b) By no means all people who could benefit from counselling have sought it and c) Suggesting that counselling could help does not mean that you believe that counselling fixes everybody. "It doesn't always work" isn't a great reason not to try something.

I'd have thought all of that was pretty obvious.

Counselling was much less common back when I was younger, growing up in the 80s and 90s, no counsellors at school for example. So I'm sure there will be many people who haven't had counselling for a major trauma. Or they may have thought of it but not felt able to open up to someone.

You appear to be counselling-resistant. Have you sought counselling for that?

Getting a cleaner has helped my life massively. Not only is my house sparkly clean when I come home, it is tidy because we need to tidy it for her, and inbetween cleans I live in a clean soothing environment without any effort on my part.

I would absolutely recommend having one to someone who has the income. If someone talks to me about stress of staying on top of all of life, cleaning is the first thing I'd suggest they outsource.

thecats I agree that I have saved a lot of stress and angst through getting a cleaner, I really felt quite out of control a lot of the time before I had one- because the house was spiraling away from me and I was so busy.

I think people often have to be persuaded to think about counselling, so suggesting it is not a bizarre thing to do. I often think the problems many present with on here would benefit from counselling because they can't see the wood for the trees or have got ground down, often by others behaviour, and one thing counselling does give you is a place to articulate your thoughts and space to think through the options.

However, I also partly agree with you: it's not a fix for many of the protracted complex problems people have, and is also very difficult to access now, even getting 6 free weeks from the dr means a long waiting list. So, just like getting a cleaner, seeing a counsellor is often out of the reach of many people, which can just make them feel worse when it is suggested.

If I had more money I would have counselling, but I prefer to pay the cleaner with the little I have spare.